Thursday, September 30, 2010

When Life hands you the CRAP!

To say things have been....ummmmm....Crappy would be an understatement.
Let me just share a quick story, sort of like the cherry on top of the shit sundae that has been our life lately.

I got home from rehearsal last night and was greeted by happy, happy little munchkins.  Gramma Peg had been watching them, and they were really sweet and happy, had dinner, ready to play.
I sat down on the couch as the kids jumped off the table onto the couch next to me(don't judge, just don't).  They laughed and played and squeeled with excitement over play time.  After awhile, as Gramma was getting ready to leave, I said "let's go on a walk".  Max got so excited.  He squeeked out "I go on walk.  Shoes, my shoes."  He then took 2 steps toward his shoes and then literally stopped in his tracks.  He made a cry and stood there.  I thought maybe he bit his tongue or cheek somehow.  He was so sad, he looked at me with this wierd look and cried.  I told him to come over to me, let me take a look.
He walked over, I pulled him onto my lap and was loving him, trying to see if he'd somehow hurt himself. 
BIG MISTAKE!
He then let out another cry, and proceeded to launch everything he'd EVER eaten IN.HIS.LIFE, ALL over me!
After the first projectile explosion, I sat frozen with him on my lap,
my arm up in the air, processing that I was now COVERED in VOMIT!
Then, he unloaded again.
Gramma Peg is laughing, Jere is waking from his stunned stupor, running for the kitchen.
Just before Max went for a third round, Jer grabbed him and ran for the sink.
I sat there still, unable to move,. as I had ENTIRE meals painting a pretty picture on my body.
Finally Peggy grabbed paper towells and I went about the cleaning up business.
Seriously....WHAT was that?

Totally just the icing on our poo cake!
That's what that was.

Killing me to post this pic, as it is MOST unflattering.
Rolls and thigh fat to spare.
BUT, you needed to see the good times.

So here's the thing:
Sometimes life just sucks.
And noone really ever wants to hear about that part.
We WANT to believe that it's just sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.
It's NOT!
Sometimes your (husband) promised a WHOLE lot of things and then lied to.
Sometimes you(your husband) don't have a job anymore and it's scarey as hell.
Sometimes the bad people win.
Sometimes you get flat tires.
Sometimes you're so utterly stressed out over your show you have a breakdown
And you cry A LOT!
Sometimes you don't have any money.
Sometimes you're too exhausted to function.
Sometimes your husband is horribly depressed, and you feel helpless.
Sometimes your daughter pees the bed for the 10th time.
Sometimes your kid BARFS all over you.
Sometimes your kid breaks the bathroom sink and drops his toothbrush down the drain.
Sometimes, you just gotta take a break and regroup.

So, for the tens of you that missed me, just know that I've been a bit bogged down. Sorry for the silence.

Also, you should know that even in all the CRAP and barf covered days, there IS good.

There are sisters that swoop in and bring you lunch, wipe your tears and create a "plan" for you to survive your life.
Same sisters get you a planner and force you to use it.
There are good friends to share dinner and laughs with.
There are loving friends that call and check in on you and LOVE you.
There are willing parents and in-laws to watch  your kids.
There are unexpected "gigs" that offer a ltitle money.
There are sweet babies who offer up prayers that are so adorable and funny you just can't help but laugh.
Dads are home to read stories to their kids at bedtime, and it's so sweet my teeth hurt.
There are words of support and encouragement from many.

So yes, shit does happen.
BUT
I'm ready to move on.

Watched Inside the Actors Studio with Betty White the other day.
She said she considered herself a "positivist", because it sure beats the hell out of the alternative!

True!
It sucks to wallow in negativity and self pity all the time.
SO
I shall return to writing funny and just accepting life for what it is.
We all have problems.
Get over it!

I'm over it!

In the meantime....anyone got a job to offer? haha

Crap cakes and barf tales,

Allyson




Thursday, September 23, 2010

Moments with Maggie


So this just happened:

We're sitting on the couch.
Maggie is playing with my phone.
I'm checking facebook.
I'm singing "Look Down" from Les Miz
You know...just serenading my kid with some musical theatre classics.
Who DOESN'T do that?
Maggie very irritated says:
"Would you please just shush!?"
I chuckled and said.
"Wow Maggie, how do you REALLY feel."
She replied.
"GRUMPY."
And then looked up at me with a face to match.

I laughed for a good long time.

I TOLD you people.
SASS!

I shall heretofore refer to her as Oscar the Grouches apprentice.

Grumps and grouses,

Allyson


Zumba me this...

So Jere has been touting for weeks the joy that is his Thursday morning class at the gym.  He lurves it so and has asked me to try it out with him. 

Problem....that is precisely when I'm dropping Maggie at school AND supposed to be at institute.  So, it hasn't happened.

Today, when I DIDN'T get up and work out like I SHOULD (disclaimer, Max appeared in my room at 3:30 a.m. with a bloody nose face, which required, cleaning and such and this was the 2nd night in a row).  And THEN I STILL didn't go at 7:00 when I could, simply because I'm a lazy Holstein (wasn't that so much nicer sounding than saying cow?) I decided that I HAD to do something or I would die.  I'd arranged for Maggie to ride to school with her new bestie Navi, so that was taken care of.  My apologies Jenny D., I chose my physical well being over my spiritual.  I know, I know.

So 9 a.m. rolls around, and there I was, all prepped and ready to go for ZUMBA. It's all the rage you know.  However, we were doing Zumba with a twist.





In The Pool.



AQUA ZUMBA.   Or better known as...Party in the pool.


Well at least that's what Jodi here claims.
All images taken from Google.


What?  Don't you know me by now.  I can NOT dance.  I am rhythmically challenged.  There is no way on Gods green earth that I would ever be trying this on land.  PLUS, the jiggling, OH THE JIGGLING.  Joining us were Julie, and Peggers (my mother in law), and Linsey, our pregnant friend in need of an exercise easier on her body.

This picture is precisely why I love me some water aerobics, and or
Aqua Zumba, or any water exercise.
Cause it's just usually a pool full of ladies that look like this.
Which makes me in all my bright, white, lucious glory feel better about things.

However, what it was really like was this:


Well fine, we weren't at a swanky resort, and there weren't 50 of us.
And our instructor was not a ripped, sixpack man.
BUT she was an adorable, fabulously toned woman.

All I have to say is...it was fun!
It was a surprisingly hard workout (at times)
And I am most definitely gonna be sore at 9 p.m tonight (since that is the magical hour when ALL my sore muscles for the day show up).

I'm so glad I went.
So fun.
Got a workout.
Feel better about me.

Downside...didn't shower until 2:00.
Got less accomplished.

Clearly, I am a creature of habit.  And breaking said habit throws a crazy wrench into my days.
I NEED to be up early and done early so I can get ready and get more done.
PLUS, WAY more interesting peeps at the gym during my usual time frame.

My verdict:
Super fun. Could possibly go again.
But most likely will stick to my regular peeps and time.

Hip shaking and booby bouncin,

Allyson

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Clouds of puff....

This picture totally taken from Google Image
I'm not cool enough for nature shots

The clouds hung heavy and full, with just enough orangey glow from the sun as it set in the sky that you could see the way in front of you. And you could marvel in the beauty of another Arizona sunset.

A somewhat cool breeze was blowing through our hair as we walked excitedly toward our destination.

The sounds of a highschool football game were hanging in the air.  The announcer on the loud speaker, the crowd cheering on their team.

My heart was happy and full as Max's chubby little hand held tightly to mine with each step.  And Maggie ran blissfully ahead informing me that she was "just so fast."

Joy of joys....I think fall might FINALLY be making a a timid little peeksy at us. 

And I could not be more excited.

Excited for morning walks with my kids all around our larger neighborhood. (where we're not a sweaty pool of goo)
Excited for evening walks with my kids to Gramma Dars, where there is always promise of good conversation, toys for the kids to play with and a tootsie pop to reward us for our efforts.
Excited to see the pure joy on my kids face at the prospect of just being outside. And hearing Max squeee "outsiiiide?  Want go outsiiiide!"
Excited for famillies to be out on their lawns and hanging out with our neighbors on their porch.
Excited for the neighborhood bbq.  People are making their slow emergence from their summer cocoons.
Excited for cooler weather and shorter days.
EXCITED FOR FALL!  for CHANGE!

Puff balls and happy feet,

Allyson

Monday, September 20, 2010

Gym Tales

When my thigh fat threatened to eat the chair for lunch, I decided I had BETTER get my hefty hips back in the gym.  I know, you think I go all the time, but I just took ANOTHER two week vacay from the land of all things cardio and muscly.  Serioulsy, I don't know WHAT my problem is.  BUT, I DO know that I'm most miserable when I don't work out. 

SO, this morning at 6 a.m. my phone alarm gave me a pleasant little jingle awake and I hefted my body up and off the bed.  Only to be greeted by the turn of a door knob, shut of a door, turn of another door knob, pitter pat of little Max feet and a sweet binky filled mouth saying....."KIDSSHOWWW."  I promptly put the kibosh on that one and told him to snuggle up to Daddy.  He obliged, but then when I was taking to long in the bathroom, he came to investigate.  By this time Maggie had joined the party.  UMMM, NO!  I was on a mission dammit, and they were not gonna deter me.  So, I told them it was FAR to early for kids shows and they were going back to bed.  Surprisingly, they stayed quiet after I put them back in their beds.  There was no weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.  Not even so much as a peep.  I finished getting ready and stealthly left the house.  Nevermind that they came and got Jere out of bed at 6:30, point is, I was gone!

Always feels good to return to the gym.  Seeing my regular peeps, scanning my finger for admittance.  Oh what?  You don't type in your number and have a red laser scan your index finger?  What kind of gym are YOU going to?  We're freaking the Jetsons these days.  ANYWAYYYYY.

I've decided that i just need to suck it up and do my time on the treadmill, walk the miles, and or work up some run time. I just have to do it.  Bah, I don't like it.
My body was a bit rebellious and it fought me.  It cried and yelled and called me bad names for doing this.  I just told it to shove it and move on.

Crap, i just get so caught up in telling the story, when all I really wanted to do was share some observations of WHO was there.  GAHHH, why must I be so verbose (I love that word).

First and foremost, there was NO sign of Sir Flops A Lot, which is always a sad day.  But, you will be happy to note that I did at least bring my cellphone IN the car with me.  So, we're one step closer to me ever photo documenting the legend of Long Duck DONG!  I must prove to you, that unlike the Lochness monster (which truth be told his "member" is probably as big as old nessie) FLOPS is REAL!  But for today...no sign.

However, in attendance today were Harold and Gertie (my names for them, not their own I'm sure).  You guys, I kid not when I say they must be approaching something like, ummm, ONE HUNDRED.  I love them for being their nearly every day in all their wrinkled, stooped over glory.  She is the lady of the giant hair, sunglass wearing, tracksuit glory.  He is adorable, all bent over, in his runner shorts, high tube socks and perfectly coiffed head of white hair.  They always spend some time on the treadmill, followed by a leisurely ride on the bikes, he on the stationary, she on the recumbent.  I wanna be taking care of bidness when I'm that old too.

Also there was "Showmybelly" Sally (also not her real name).  This chick irritates me.  She's Reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly proud of her tight flat tummy and goes to great lengths to LIFT her shirt, or "fix" her shirt so that we can all see it.  She goes over to this one area where you can stretch or do stationary exercises in front of the mirror and she lifts her shirt up and watches her stomach as she does whatever.  Then she looks around to see who is looking at her.  WHATEVER!  Good for you, you're in great shape.  You work out.  Who cares!  NEXT...

Creepy Carl, the neighborhood freakshow who mostly wanders around the gym to "observe."  He's literally a peeping tom, stalker who has a restraining order placed on him by HIS PARENTS.  Today, he kept wandering back and forth by the eliptical machines.  I could tell he was a little agitated.  Finally, he asked this girl that was on one of the machines (there are like 100) how long she was gonna be on that one.  Don't know what she responded but apparently not what he wanted.  He set to pacing some more.  Then returned and stood on one 2 over from her and started asking her questions.  Evidently, she was on HIS machine, the one HE liked to use.  Ewwww!

But BEST of all....today, TODAY I worked out with (and by worked out with I mean, I stalked him in all his chubby love handled glory as he made his way around the gym) THIS GUY:

Fillipe Fa of Biggest Loser Fame....
Only he does NOT look like that after picture  or this one.....


He may or may not have gained a pound or 60 since then.
But hey, I'm not judging, 'cause I'm right there with him.
FREAKING HATE weight.
Work that hard, lose that much you should be granted a pass to not
gain back so much freaking weight.

Anyway, Fillipe was clearly "helping" out two other rather large guys.
First they took a 10 min. spin on the elliptical and then they sauntered over to the free weight section.
I sort of lost track of them there because I was engrossed in the saga of the Romanian immigrant to Canada and would she or wouldn't she be able to sell her really ugly house.
Would they be able to class it up enough to make it sellable?
Finally, I made my way over to some machines near where he was now working.
So, while I was doing my sideways crunches, I was practically working out WITH Fillipe.
See, didn't that work out spectacularly for me?

Oh, and you'll be relieved to know that Romanian ladys house was rendered sellable. 

All in all a successful day of gym observations and workouts with the stars.

Flopless and fatties,

Allyson

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sonic Soirees

You don't know Sonic?
Don't love it?
You're BROKEN.
It's such an OBVIOUS choice for soirees.


Meet my friend Jenee.
She is single handedly keeping Sonic in business.
She LIVES for this:

Sonic Ice.
She buys it by the bagful, many, MANY bags full, plus fills her
cups up daily with more ice, and or diet coke.

Anyway...due to her great patronage, and her sparkling personality, she is LOVED!
Juan the manager, and even the carhops are all her besties.

So, she decided...what better place to have her 40th birthday party than
SONIC!!

Only Jenee.

But, it wasn't just any old party, because you don't know Jenee.  Nothing is just small.

Juan and his wife went to town and ballooned and streamered the place out.


Little menus were posted, of the free food and drinks that were ours. 
Me and the Moz sticks are total besties. Trust me.

Anyway, she had a DJ, and some kickin tunes.
Don't ever play good music with Jenee and her family around.
A spontaneous dance party broke out with the
greatest booty poppin and hot droppin you've ever seen.
People seriously grooving, AT SONIC, in boas even.
ONLY IN the 85201.

There was an area set up for "Minute to Win It" games, of which Jere took full advantage.  He won gift cards to I-tunes and Sonic.
There was a raffle.
More prizes.

Juan even got in on the "surprises."
He was adorable, announcing he had a surprise for Jenee
and then bringing this out:

HILARIOUS!


Just a proof shot.
I don't so much love standing next to her for pics.
Since I'm nearly 6 ft. tall and she's all of 5 ft. nothing.
Oh and I look especially large and in charge here.
Good thing I love her.


To wrap up the evening Jere serenaded her with
"Last Dance"
It's sort of one of Jenees signature songs.
Did I mention she's a PHENOMENAL singer.
Anyway, he sang to her and they slow danced, until another dance party broke out.

Wish I could now post the video of her MOM doing a bit of "Single Ladies."

All in all a fabulously fun, hilarious, hot and sweaty, PERFECT birthday party time for a PERFECT lady!

Happiest of Birthdays to one of the kindest, most generous,
incredibly talented, funniest, genuine, WONDERFUL people
in the entire world!!!

Love you friend.

Carhops and Coneys,

Allyson


NOTE:  This is one of 3 posts today.  Sorry, had to be done.

Wrappin it up...

As you may or may not have noticed, I was a little sparse in the posting here this week.  That would be because I was on the crazy train and couldn't get off.  PLUS, I think I needed a wee break, to feel like I had something to say again.   I got so consumed in trying to find old posts for the SITS thing that I spent redonkulous amounts of time reading my archives.  So, by Wed. I was DONE.  I needed a blog break.

So, I'm just gonna give a brief (snort) little rundown of what happened in this week.  Mmm k.

1.  I subbed at the college for 2 classes and 5 voice lessons.  PURE delight I tell you, PURE delight!  I love teaching college kids, not only because they for the most part just "get it."  But mostly because an accompanist is provided and therefore I am not stuck behind the piano.  It's rather helpful.  The class I subbed for is my all time favorite class I ever took.  It's a Broadway performance class, and well, it's just so FUN!   Good news, I get to sub it again on Monday.

2.  I made more money subbing in those 3 days than I would for a months worth of lessons for 5 kids.  Trust me, BADLY needed.

3. Said goodbye to a friend that left for 18 months to serve a mission.  Love our Bailee and so excited for her to have this time to get out and serve.

4. One of my best friends celebrated her 40th b-day in awesome semi-ghetto style.   But wait, I will write this one as it's own post.

                 **SIDENOTE** We had THREE count 'em THREE birthday party invites for Friday night.  When does THAT happen?

5. Same friend spent part of last week being filmed for the Nate Berkus show, and is now IN NEW YORK with her 3 sisters, 5 sister in laws (yes large family) and Mom to appear on the actual show.  People, I don't mess around, my peeps are just cool peeps.  I'll let you know when the show airs, so you can watch her and her awesome family.  She IS just the coolest, and I love her so.  On the downside, there will be no 3rd Sunday dinner at their house this week, which totally blows.  What?  We LOVE our 3rd sunday dinners at the Wrights.  Whatever.

6. This has nothing to do with what was happening in my week. BUT, since I'm talking about cool peeps.  Would you even believe it if I told you that one of my friends from highschool is totally the guy who created those Old Spice commercials that we all love so much right now.  You know, the guy, riding a horse, "I'm riding a horse, backwards."  Anyway, I thought that was super cool.

7. Back to me...This week Maggie called Jere a poo head.  Yep, we've reached that ever awesome poo poo and pee stage, where saying those words is just hysterical to the kids.  EVERYTHING has poo references.  But on this particular day...jere had put her to bed.  She'd come out 409 times (his exageration, not mine) and on the four hundred and TENTH time, he yelled at her and told her to get back on the bed OR ELSE.  Her response was "FINE Daddy, you're a poo head."  Which apparently sent he and Julie into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.  However, later in the week when she busted that little phrase out on me, I busted back and warned her that that was unacceptable to ever talk to her Mama like that and there would be consequences.  She got the message.

8. I unburiend my laundry room, which was no small feat I tell you.  And I'm feeling good about that accomplishment.

9. I also got a bathroom scrubbed, kitchen swept and mopped, dusting, MUCH vacuuming, laundry and picking up done, in between preschool drop offs and pick ups, institute class, rehearsals and trips back and forth to MCC.  I even went grocery shopping at night...never my fave.

10. Maggie wet her bed....always irritating.  When you ask her why, she just shrugs her shoulders and says "I needed to go pee pee."  Thankfully it doesn't happen every night, just like once every other week.

11.  Saw the movie "Date Night" last night...I thought it was funny.  Got a good laugh out of that.

12.  Oliver rehearsals are heating up.  I got a lot accomplished, but I've got so much more to do still.  It's only gonna get busier and crazier. And in the interest of full disclosure...I'm getting nervous.

13.  The kiddos spent a good part of the morning raiding the silverware drawer (after playing drums on my face and head with the wooden spoons) and dropping all of said silverware down the back of Maggies bed.  What was I doing you ask?  Trying to ignore their antics and sleep on the couch, 'cause I WAS TIRED!  WHY do they need to wake me up at o' dark thirty?  Good thing her bed is a day bed and is open at the bottom so all silverware was retrievable.

Alrighty then...guess I will zip it up for now.  Time to start thinking about getting ready for church.  Put Max down for a nap, so he'll be liveable through church, now to pack the diaper bag, shower, get Maggie ready, etc.  You know how it goes.

Busy bees and spoon drops,

Allyson


P.S. Just as a public service announcement of enlightenment.  ICarly is actually a pretty enjoyable show.  I only know because MAGGIE (not me) is obsessed with it and we're on a marathon this morning.  It has pretty clever writing and the girl who plays Sam cracks me up.  Hey, just letting you know.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Reviewing the Situation

I had an experience today that has left me confused.  It was a very potentially terrifying situation...and I'm left wondering WHAT my reaction was.  I've thought about it all day.  I've replayed it, and I just don't know WHAT to think?!  So, I'm gonna put it out there and let YOU tell me what is wrong with me.

This morning I got a random and wild hair to take my kids swimming.  You must know, taking my kids swimming is NEVER my first choice.  But, I thought, hey, this could be their ONLY outing for the day.  No other pressing plans...let's do it.   The sheer joy and excitement that burst forth from their little mouths was adorable.  Max ran around screeching "sfimming, I GO sfimming."  Maggie, only slightly more cool said, "I want to go swimming, can I go?"  So in a slow crawl flash we were dressed, swim bag packed and out the door. 

First we stopped at Gramma Dars, and in a SHOCKING turn of events...her door was actually locked.  In case you don't know this...Dars door is NEVER locked.  Like EVER!  But, apparently, today, she was asleep, or upstairs, or whatever, and the door was locked, therefore...we were S.O.L for the swimmin in her pool.

Plan B.  Back in the car, children slightly confused, but sadness assuaged by reassurances that we would swim at Gramma and Grandpas.  Crisis averted.

Show up at my Mom and Dads...no one to be found.  Get ourselves sunscreened up, 'cause word up yo, it be HOT in here!!!  Like 109 ridiculous, obnoxious, shoot me in the face HOT!  And my little albino baby boy does NOT need the look of boiled lobster, it would most certainly clash with his pretty blue eyes.  But, I digress.

We got in the FREEZING A pool (I know, the irony, it wasn't lost on me) and had ourselves a delightful time.  Max and Maggie have discovered the joy of floaties, therefore making it possible for them to, umm, well float and swim about freely.  We had the best time, just the three of us and the blaze o' the AZ sun.  They jumped and jumped and JUMPED and played and swam.  I won't lie, it was one of our best swimmy times ever.

Time comes to get out, dry off, get ready to go.  I decided that we would sit on the chairs and dry off in the sun.  I was sitting on a chair right next to the pool, burning up basking in the sun.  Maggie and Max moved off their chairs and decided to play with these little buckets.  They were filling them with water and then dumping them on the plants, or back in the pool.  I was watching them play, and then I leaned my head back, for like a second.

I don't know why I looked up, there was no sound, no scream, nothing seemed different, but I looked up to see Maggie looking over the edge saying "Just use your legs and kick Max", in a very calm and matter of fact way.   And Max under the water, fighting to get back to the top and start going under again(Maggie hadn't even bothered to yell, HEY, MAX just fell in the pool Mom. NOPE, no courtesy shout out at all.) In the second it took to register...my response was  "SHIT."  I threw my towell off and ran over to the steps.  I didn't even just jump in right there, I RAN TO THE STEPS, got in and grabbed him.  He sputtered and burped and cried a little bit as I held him close and comforted him.  I then got out of the pool and sat down in the chair, wrapped the towell around him and we cuddled and I loved on him.

Here is what has bothered me...I was not freaked out, I didn't go into total panic mode, I just was like "huh, crap, Max is in the pool, under the water, not good, MUST get him out NOW."  And then once I had him, I was totally calm, not all insane and bawly and spazzy and freaked out.  Shouldn't I have been more freaked out?  What is wrong with me?  Should I NOT have been a HOT MESS of neurosis and screams?  That can NOT be normal to just be so calm about this. Almost as if I hadn't just witnessed my sons near drowning at all.  But a mere fall and scrape o' the knee instead. And yet.... it was a VERY REAL experience, and it could have had a horrible ending.  Thankfully it didn't. Am I broken?  Am I really totally broken?  'Cause I sort of feel like I might be.  There may be such a thing as TOO laid back.  Or MAYBE I'm obsessing over nothing, and it's all just fine.  I don't know.  So, what do you think?

I know that all that REALLY matters is that he IS fine, that nothing tragic did happen.  It matters that I WAS there and I did act quickly.  Thankfully my sweet, silly, destructive, bottomless pit, sucker loving, LOUD Maximus Prime is just fine.  He's perfect and happy and played the afternoon away. 

THANKFULLY.

This is his "silly" face, and for whatever reason, it cracks me up EVERYTIME!

He lurved him some coconut frozen yogurt. Just love his little kewpy doll mouth.



Flat floaties and shallow ends,

Allyson

Monday, September 13, 2010

Funny revisited....A Word to the Wise

So day number two of The SITS girls blog challenge is to find one of your older posts that you felt was great but didn't get a lot of attention.

Ummmm friends...this has been time consuming to say the least.  I have A LOT of long great posts that needed re-reading.  And honestly, I'm not entirely sure this is like my BEST, but as I read it, I laughed out loud, which I took as a good sign.

It's been fun re-reading and remembering the experiences of the last few years, and looking at how much my kids have grown.

Hope you enjoy this little gem.


Friday, December 5, 2008
A Word To the Wise


This public service announcement is brought to you lovingly by moi. Just a word to all you ladies (moms) out there who EVER for one moment think it's ok to just trim your kids hair. Just don't do it, ok. Unless you are a licensed professional, I suggest you just put the scissors down and back away slowly or something like this can happen:









Look, she fully understands the travesty of justice just imposed on her.


WHAT WAS I THINKING? I'll tell you what I was thinking. My brain, which is currently in a seriously sleep deprived state took a looksy at my darling daughter whilst she was bathing (in the sink) and thought to myself..."I can't stand her bangs hanging down to the middle of her eyes anymore. I'll just get the scissors and do a teeny little snip and all will be better." So I DID get the scissors, I carefully combed her wet hair all down in front of her eyes, and SNIP. And after that first snip, I thought "SNAP." Instead of a mere teensy trim, I'd taken a good inch off. (Frankly, I should have just handed her the scissors and told her to go to town, 'cause she would probably have done a better job of it.) Oh well, had to go with it now. At first, I didn't see HOW bad it really was. But, once I got her out, and properly fitted in her pj's, the true damage was apparent. Holy poo, what to do? I told Jere that Lana was going to KILL me! So, I called Lana and reported my sins. She laughed at me, and told me to scoot my buns down to the salon, since she was still there. My LUCKY day, 8:00 on a Wed. night and she could "save" my daughter from her Mothers retardedness. So, we headed for the salon, Maggie got herself a little sucker and Lana went to work. (I should mention here that she got herself a handsome little "beard" in the process, with the combo of sticky sucker face and wispy hairs flying off of "Lana Scissorhands.") There wasn't a whole lot she could do with my handy work, but at least she softened the lines so my poor child doesn't look like dumb and dumber. It's all ok as long as I keep her bangs totally plastered to the side, then you hardly notice that the "butcher of Nina drive" got her. (As a disclaimer, I DO realize that there are some of you ladies out there who DO cut your kids hair, and that is because you're not nearly as retarded as I am. Good for you.)








Well, at least there is improvement. So, if you ever need a good stylist, just give Lana a call.


Now I must share another charming story from our house that happened on Monday evening. Sit back, relax, this is a delight.


Monday night Maggie and I had to make a run to the store. What store you ask? Well, it's embarrassing, but once again I ventured to the "devil" store, simply because I needed a new mattress pad and I knew it'd be cheapest there, AND I had to get a storage tower for Jere and I knew they had it there. So yeah, we went; let it go (I have). We meandered around the store for awhile, picking up items here and there. I mean really, where else do you get a super dee duper cute shirt for FOUR BUCKS? Walmart, that's where. Anyway, picked up a couple of shirts for Maggie and a couple for Max, got my items on my list and then checked out. Maggie had been great the whole time, happy as a clam. We get out to the parking lot, I load all the stuff into the car, and then I go to get Maggs out of the cart. I wasn't necessarily looking at her, just lifting, when something registers on my arm, and I think "what is THAT?" I look down to see copious amounts of barf all over my arm, ALL OVER Maggie, down her shirt, her pants, my feet, the cart, the ground, and she continues to barf (mac and cheese). Now mind you, she has not made a PEEP, not a sound. There was no warning, no whining, no crying, no holding of the tummy, NOTHING! And, I'm used to barfers (Dixie and Jere) who make A LOT of noise when doing the deed. For the record, this was Maggies FIRST barfing experience ever. Her only reaction to it was, when she noticed that her blanket and her arm were covered, she said "oh, ohhhhhhhhhhhh." So, there I am, standing in the parking lot, barf squishing in my toes, nothing to wipe her up with, not quite knowing what to do. So, I used her blanket to clean up what I could, then stripped her down to her dipey and put her in her seat. I got what I could off the cart, picked her binky up from amongst the chunks on the ground and headed home. The smell was just about more than I could take, but somehow we managed. She's such an amazing trouper, she never cried the whole time, and hasn't had one problem since. I guess it was just a very random ridding for her. It might explain why she'd been walking around lifting her shirt up for 2 days, pointing at her tummy. I don't know, just speculating. But hey, at least I now gave her a haircut befitting of her new Wal-mart going, barfing status. I RULE! I just wish I had a pic of the moment. hahahaha

Butchers and barf,

Allyson

SITS Back to Blogging

I'm excited about this opportunity that the SITS Girls have given us to revisit our first posts, old posts, etc. to work on improving our blogs as they are. It's been very interesting for me to go back and read some of my original entries. Ahh me, I was so young and naive lo those nearly 3 years ago. hehe
PLUS, there is a super amazing washer and dryer giveaway and well, who doesn't want/need a beautiful new clothes cleaning machine?

Truth be told, this is actually my SECOND entry, the third entry on our blog. The first was actually done by Jere and it is NOTHING like I write or probably would have written. However, I had NO idea what I was doing, and I said, HEY, all these people we know have blogs. That looks fun, will you make one for me. Being the good man he is...he obliged. Then, my 2nd entry (which I would have posted but didn't because it was full of pictures and I don't know how to transfer those witout looking them all up) couldn't be done. Hence, my third. And really...I like this post.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008
MY DAD

I realize that it was JUST Mother's Day and I should be doing some entry on my Mom. Trust me, I could do a whole entry on my Mom, she's amazing in every way and I love her immensely. However, tonight I'm choosing to write about my Dad. You see, I have an amazing Dad. He is brilliant, hard working, funny, fun, loving, righteous and so much more. I always feel these things for him, but it's times like this that you really stop and think about how much you love someone. See, two weeks ago my Dad was diagnosed with renal cancer. It came completely out of the blue, and sort of just makes you go WHOA! So, today my Dad had his left kidney removed, as that was the one with the cancerous growth. Through this all I've felt very calm and at peace. I'm SURE that he will be fine. However, there is always that "chance" that something could go wrong. Anyway, the surgery went very well, and the Doctors are VERY optimistic. They say that it was completely contained, and doesn't appear to be in any lymph nodes. Now we're just waiting to hear the pathology report to know where we go from here. Apparently he's in IMMENSE pain, which I can only imagine, since they've yanked an important body part from him. I feel bad that he's having to suffer, but I'm so grateful for the miracle of modern medicine and the hope it offers us. I just want my Dad to know that I love him so much, and that I'm looking forward to many more years of Boggle, chats, babysitting, laughing and more.

Love you Dad!!

Reading this post brought back all my memories of that time. It was scarey, but as I wrote in there...I was also at peace.

You'll be glad to know that my Dad, the Tonester is doing JUST fine. He's been cancer free since the surgery. He is fully recovered and doing the macarena as we speak. Ok, fine, no Macarena, I just mean, he's active and busy.

Thanks for this exercise SITS ladies.

Memories lighting the corners of my mind,

Allyson

Are you doing the Snugarena?

While this was never my intended post...it was too much for me to pass up.

This morning, as I folded my MOUTAIN of towells whilst the children watched a little Max & Ruby on the telly, the MOST disturbing vision came on the screen.

Now listen people, I get it, these things are comfy and warm, but let's not pretend that they aren't the most ridiculously retarded (my apologies to anonymous who nicely asked me not to use that word, but sometimes it just really expresses it BEST for me) commercials you've ever seen.

So, while I LURVE me some Pulsipher Predilections and her obsession with all things Snuggie (and really, if you're NOT reading her, you are MISSING out) I just can't sit idly by and NOT mock this commercial. (don't hate me Kristina for NOT loving on your Snuggies)

I implore you, take the 30 seconds of your life and watch this. Then share your thoughts.

Favorite part? Favorite move. Favorite random person on the street plucked to star in this commcerial.

Did this REALLY just happen?

My personal favorite...the "centerfold" chick in the pink snuggie, being held up by some guy like "this is so hawt, rrrawwrr."

Favorite "person": the old lady in the leopard print actually DOING the macarena in her snugarena. KILLING ME lady, KILLING ME!!!

And frankly, if I were one of these featured Snugarena doers...I would NOT put it on my resume, I just wouldn't.

Oh Snuggie, thanks for the eye cancer. I SO coulda done without that!

Hip swishes and warm fuzzies,

Allyson

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Aaaaand Scene

Image borrowed from Google Images
This is no way really depicts, me, my house OR my coffee
Though I wish it did, because it would imply I have a bigger house and
cleaner carpet than i really do.
Oh, and that I was much thinner as well.
One can dream


SCENE:
Place:  Living Room/Couch

Time: 5:45 p.m.

Who:  Mom, Maggie, Max

Activity:  Mom "sleeping", Kids busy being kids.

Mom:  Lying semi comatose on couch after LOOONG night before and day. Trying to "sleep" and wishing she could.

Children: Playing around and then attempting to climb on top of Mom, after Mom telling them there was no room.

Mom:  Attempts to "relax" a little while longer.

Children:  Climb on top of Mom again with books and sloppy hair tickling Moms face.

Mom:  I said No.  There is no room on this couch.  IF you want to play, then play in here, or the kitchen or your room.

Maggie:  Yes there is room on here.

Mom:  No there isn't.  Now go and play and just let me be here for a few more minutes.

Maggie: In a huff... (grabbing books)  C'mon Max, we will go read these in our room.  C'mon, hold my hand Max.  Hold my hand. (Max takes her hand and off they walk)  We will go in our room cause our Mom is MEAN to us.

Off they went, down the hall, only to discover their bedroom was "too dark".  So seconds later they returned down the hall.

Maggie: singing her own tune....I will read this book, because our Mom is a dangit."  And then she sits on the chair.

Max:  That's my spot.  that's my spot.

Maggie:  You can sit right next to me, cause you're my beeeest friend.

Max climbs up next to Maggie and she proceeds to "read" him two books about the cows and the pigs.

Mom is so amused by the whole situation that she literally peels herself off the couch, JUST so she can write it down, never to forget the time that her 3 year old blithely stated, as she held her brothers hand down the hall...."Our Mom is mean to us."  And then happily took care of him and read him stories so mean Mom could get just 2 more seconds of rest.

Place: Living room couch/computer

When: 6:00 p.m.

Who:  Mom, Maggie and Max

Activity:  Mom types on laptop, kids eat a sleeve of crackers at the coffee table.

END SCENE


Friday, September 10, 2010

Lamb of God

If you recall, a month or so ago I wrote about the amazing experience I had recording with the London Symphony Orchestra and a redonkulously great choir, this incredible piece of work by Rob Gardner (a friend).

Well tonight is the big first live performance of it, using a 200 voice choir that is local to the valley.

I will be attending tomorrow night, and I'm so excited to see it/hear it performed live. Jere went to a dress rehearsal last night and he is beside himself with how utterly amazing it truly is.

So, IF you live in AZ, then get your buns down to Gammage and see this show. It will not be performed anytime soon again.

If youre NOT in AZ, then by all means, click on this short video and witness for yourself the GORGEOUSNESS of this music. Then buy the CD, cause someone you "know" is "famous" on a CD. hahahahaah PLUS, you get the added bonus of seeing me and Jer, alive and moving.

I am the girl FRONT AND CENTER in the green shirt. Jer is right behind me in the orange shirt. While the frame is frozen here, that's my oldest sister Dana on the top row there, sort of by herselfm to her left is my sister Jenny and to her right, the red head is my sis in law Lana. Also in this video, my brother and my brother in law. And many good friends. Not the least of which are two legit Broadway stars, both were in Les Mis, among other things. Sort of AWESOME!

Enjoy the video and please, leave a comment on what you thought of it.

Then go to my other post of the day and watch the super short video of Max, 'cause dangit, he's CUTE!!!

Peace and love,

Allyson

Max's Unfortunate Discovery

It was 6:30 a.m. and there he was...Max...standing at my bedside with Maggie.

WHAAAAT? Was this a bad dream? A sick joke? This could NOT be a good thing. Last I checked he was snug as a bug in his crib. He was SAFELY ensconced in his "cage."

Now, here he was....staring me in my morning face. How did this happen?

He was only too happy to oblige me and SHOW me how. Take a looksy for yourselves.

Yep, this is a MOST unfortunate discovery for him to make, FOR SURE!

(did I mention that with maggie we never even moved the crib down from the highest setting and she NEVER once attempted to climb out, much less got out? Yeah, this kid is ALLLL busy boy.)

Anyone got a spare crib tent they wanna loan me for a couple months? I'm NOT ready to give up my peace of mind just yet.

File this one under "the suck".

Monkey boys and early mornings,

Allyson

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Now I Believe in Magic....and Moments with Maggie


Oh, I believe in Magic


You see that?

EXACTLY

That VOID of color, of red artwork is a BEAUTIFUL thing my friends.

THAT would be a WHITE door, no painting required.

Which makes me:

Happy!

And keeps this guys bum bum safe from a smack smack!
hee hee

HOORAY FOR THE MAGIC ERASER!!!
It really is MAGIC.
So thank you all for your suggestions.
And bi-polar...you should look into it.

Add a little water, a littler elbow grease, and we're good to go.
Ok, won't lie.....the floor scribbles are still just that.  The eraser did not remove those.  So, any other suggestions for the vinyl?


Alright, now I have some funny Maggie moments.

Yesterday morning while I was getting ready (or perhaps sitting on the throne, you decide) Max and Maggie were playing in the bathroom, going in and out the door.

One particular time Maggie went out and Max took it upon himself to lock the door.
Screaming and crying and SCREAMING ensued.  Maggie was beside herself that Max would lock her out.  She DEMANDED that he open the door this instant.
He really was trying to unlock it, bu couldn't quite figure it out.
Then she was kicking the door and yelling.
I in turn was yelling back that kicking wasn't solving anything, and Max was trying, and if she kicked the door again so help me she was gonna get a something.
JUST in the knick of time he got it unlocked.  Proudly proclaiming.."I did it, I DID it."
The door opened, a wild eyed Maggie standing there looks at Max and says.
"Max, MAX why did you do that?"
Then she puts her hands on his shoulders lowers her face to his and says
"Max, TALK TO ME!"  "WHY did you lock that door?"
Then she kneels on the ground in front of him, hands still on his shoulders and continues to repremand him and demand answers.
Of course he had nothing to say, though I'm sure his inner dialogue went a little something like this:
"Srsly Maggie, you should CHILL out.  It was an assident!  Gotta go play...what? are you STILL talking to me?"

Of course all was well soon enough and they were back on their merry playing way.
And I got a good morning chuckle.

Lately, she will NOT go to bed without yelling out,
"Mommy, I forgot to tell you a secret."
I come back, she insists it must be IN MY EAR.
I lean down, she waits and then says in a whisper
"Ummmm, I LOVE YOU."
Then I get to tell her I love her back.
Then Max pipes up from his crib....
"I secret, I secret."
So, I lean my ear over the side of the crib, and he whispers up
"your ear"
I smile, say I love him too and leave.
I LOVE THOSE MOMENTS


This afternoon on our way home from picking Maggie up from preschool, Max did something and Maggie, laughing, said:
"Max you are di-larious"
I asked her..."what did you just say?"
And she repeated...
"Max is DI-LARIOUS" hahaha (meaning hilarious, which I thought truly WAS hilarious)

We've had to resort to bribery for Maggie to wipe her butt, as she thinks it's completely unnecessary and beneath her.

So, we have "potty gum".  If she actually wipes after peeing, or allows me to wipe her after # 2 then she gets "potty gum."
So she will proudly come out from the bathroom and say
"okayyyyy, I wiped, now give me some potty gum."
OR
She'll yell from the bathroom...
"I just made a HUUUGE poop, come and see it Mommy, it's HUGE!"
Who couldn't be proud of THAT?

Last night I was kissing her goodnight and she pulled her head back and said
"You're lips are GROSS."
I asked why.
She said
"They're just GROSS Mommy."

Well that sucks!

These days when I pick her up from school and ask what she did, her immediate response is
"NUFFING, I didn't do anyfing!"
OR
I had a little snack and I played.

So today when I picked her up, she was rather dirty.
I noted her messed up look and said, Maggie, how'd you get so dirty.
She seriously, in the most annoyed, teenagery way said
"I PLAYED."
Like I was the stupidest woman EVER for asking such an obvious question.
My bad!

Wanna know what doesn't suck.....

Having a totally funny, smart, sassy 3 year old that keeps me on my toes ALL DAY every day!  She is trying, that is for sure.  But, she also tells me a WHOLE lot that she loves me, and that I'm her best friend.  And those times make up for the sass.

White doors and silly girls,

Allyson

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

It's called PERMANENT for a reason......A Mommy S.O.S

Shoulda known things weren't gonna be great today.  Just shoulda known.  Yesterday was all accomplished, happy children, good times.  That HAD to mean today we were in for trouble.  When will I EVER learn.

Now I'm just gonna go ahead and admit something here that might shock a few people.  I sort of suck at this whole Mom thing.  I know, there are a few of you out there that foolishly think I'm all great at it.  Well, I'm not.  See, I just believe that kids have to be kids and they have to learn sometimes the hard way.  I don't believe in coddling them at all, ummm, ever.  And, I also believe that when I need to get ready for the day, well, I just need to get ready.  SO, turn on the TV to "kids show" and let what happens, happen.  It's the risk I'm willing to take so I don't look like a pile of crap, unshowered, unmake-upped and un dressed.  Anyway, for the most part, aside from toy messes and a few screaming matches, things go just fine.  Yes, sometimes a kid gets hurt when the other kids punches them or sits on them or whatever, and occasionally a crayon goes haywire on the table or some wall.  But these things are all easily remedied.

I've learned a thing or two about how to safely let them be, and for minimal damage to be done.  Not the least of which is....

Never EVER leave the chairs down.  This is how my kitchen chairs live 90% of the time.  This morning, I was momentarily retarded and left them down.  My bad.

Because a certain little someone likes to drag them where e'r he may go and get things, whether it be to the sink to "wash" his hands (read, flood the kitchen) or to retrieve these items:


He is obsessed with the flyswatter and with the "colors" pencils, pens, etc. to be found in our claendar holder. (Yes, if you look closely you DO see shows written on the calendar and their premier dates.  THAT would be Jer, NOT me)

And really, it doesn't matter putting the chairs up, because he's learned, if he REALLY wants it, he'll just drag his highchair over or the piano bench and get what he's after.  Little stinker.

So, this morning as I'm getting ready to get in the shower, and Jere is just getting dressed we hear the kids at our door.  Maggie then begins to loudly proclaim, Mommy Mommy, Max is drawing on the door.  He's doing something bad.  Here again, the "I am a sucky Mom" part.  I just said, ok, we'll get there in a minute.  'Cause c'mon, he's done the crayons and pens and pencils thing before.  It washes off, no reason to get your panties in a twist over it. (I'd like to add, for the record, Maggie never ONCE drew on a wall or floor, EVER)

But then, Jer opened the door, and I hear "OH NO, OH NO, this is BAAAD!" "Allyson, get over here now and look at this."

Wouldn't you know it....that little shit found the ONE red sharpie and created some pretty artwork on our door.

You better believe he got his bum bum thrown in a time out.   Too bad I don't have a picture of his big crocodile tears for the unjustness of that one.  When I went in and asked him why he was in time out, he cocked his head to the right and pointed at my door and said "Dooor!"  Yep, that's right, you little stink butt!


It's definitely called PERMANENT for a reason!


This is me NOT happy with the discovery, and helpfully pointing out his work.
I went to work immediately on that stuff.  I used my magic cleaner, it did NOTHING but smear red all over the door.  But that stuff isn't budging.

So I'm sending out an S.O.S ladies.  There are a lot of you out there, all better Moms than me, I'M SURE!  Is there even ANY way to remove stupid magic marker from doors, OH and from the kitchen floor (yeah, found those drawings later)? If so, please give me your helpful hints.  'Cause this bad Mama does NOT want to have to paint the door.  I HATE painting doors.

Add to this "disaster" a non stop crying train from Brooklyn over everything today, and Maggie getting pushed by Brooklyn during their "play" on the couch (whilst I was getting ready) and severely bruising her nose.  Like, visible bruise on her nose.  And constant fighting over EVERYTHING, and Max throwing ANYTHING he could get his hands on behind the couch, around the house, etc.  It's just not been my favorite day.

So, I took them to play with my parents puppies, as IF they deserved this. Pshaw!


Brooklyn looking like an orphaned hippy child.


Maggie who INSISTS on holding a puppy, but ONLY if someone else will pick it up and place it in her arms.  MUST be in/on her arm.  She won't use both hands to hold it.  She's so random.


Then there's this fearless kid.  Pick them up, throw them down, squeeze them love them.
Even though he's the biggest, naughtiest booger there is....you just can't help but love that face.

He's permanently mine, and I'm ok with that.

Marker tracks and time outs,

Allyson