Is Chrismuth Noooow?

A couple of months ago Jere came home and said sheepishly "I might have just bought you your Christmas present."  So, there was this random note on the calendar.....date with Jere on November 5th.

November 5th finally arrived.  I truly had NO idea WHAT in the world we were going to see.  I mean, I figured it was a concert, show of some kind.  But what, i didn't know.

He didn't want me to know.  Surprises, gifts, giving me things make Jere giddy.  So, I didn't want to crush his spirits (not this time, though I'm REAL good at doing that a lot).  I was actually looking forward to finding out.

And the truth is, THIS surprise was PERFECT.  And it could NOT have come at a better time.  I'm pretty sure I was in the worst emotional place of my life that day.  A true depression day, AWFUL.

So, I got myself gussied up. Picked up the babysitter and off we went.

Super NOT a fan of this pic, but what ya gonna do.

We arrived at the Mesa Arts Center and the crowd was large and excited.  I still didn't know what I was in for.  But finally.....as we were headed into the theatre, I saw a sign.  We were going to see these guys:

Woo HOO!!!!

Well now I'm excited.

After reading up on the fellas, and waiting for awhile the show FINALLY began.

YOU GUYS!!!!

There are no words for the AWESOME that was this concert.

And, might I mention...all of these guys were adorable.

No, as in super cute.

See that guy right in front, center.  TOTALLY my newest boyfriend.

He is 1000 shades of sexy, and a delish voice to boot!

Though I'm also sort of in love with Chuck, the base.  LURVE!

Here's the deal...these guys are AMAZING!  They're funny, cute, engaging and just phenomenally talented!  They have the cutest choreography and they just made me

HAPPY!!!!

Best thing they said:

They joked about being discovered on the "you tubes."

And then they encouraged us to video all we wanted, take pics, do whatever.  As long as we share them.

So, i'm happy to oblige.

They did a freaking fantastic Lady Gaga medley.  It was so hilarious, and I'm only sad that I didn't get the end of it for you, 'cause it was the best part.

But, hope you enjoy this little gem.

After the concert, we ran into our friend Charisma and had a grand time laughing and story telling in line, as we waited to meet the cuties that are Straight No Chaser.

Oh the stories Char-eesma can tell.  One of the most fascinating and funny women I've EVER met.

Thanks so much babe for this wonderful and perfect surprise.

It was the BEST gift ever and just what I needed.

Straight No Chaser....

you tube them

listen

LOVE them

Christmas surprises,

Allyson

It's a little bit ridiculous.....

A few weeks ago there was an e-mail from my sis in law Lana.  She wanted all the "ladies" of the family to get together for a day.  She was giddy, but it was a secret.  Well, we prevailed and insisted she tell us just what her big idea was.  She had the grand and wild idea that she wanted all of us "sisters" and my Mom to get together for a real life photo shoot.  Random...yes.  Fun, OF COURSE!

So today was our big shoot.  We got to use an amazing photographer and take some awesome pics.  I'm DYING to see the finished product.  And trust me, when we have some finished product, I will totally be sharing them with you.

But for now, you'll have to settle for a couple of little shots from my lame-o point and click.  Just so you can get the idea of what was going on, and see how "hot" the ladies in my life are.

My little sis and mom watching while the great Allison Jones photographer does her thing.

Dixies shot.  We each took individual shots as well as group shots.

Jodie my sis in law.  She IS a model in real life.

We're a smoosh washed out, due to lighting issues with my lil' camera

But how cute is my Mom with her little pose.

Lighting or not, we do like to have FUN!

But you do have to admit.  It's a little bit ridiculous....

To have this much "hot" in one place.

I'm only a little sad that there weren't any fans to blow our lucious locs around.

After having a blast taking pics and laughing a lot, we headed to lunch.

Jenny and I with Dixie hijacking our shot in the background.

We had a delicious lunch at "Crackers", good conversation and just an overall fantastic day.

Today was exactly what this girl needed.

I LOVE my family so much.

I love to spend time with them, to talk to them to laugh with them, and now to "model" with them.

Thanks so much to Lana for having this great idea and for orchestrating it.  It'll be a fond memory for many years to come.

Having a family like mine.....

It's a little bit ridiculous!

Flash bulbs and lip gloss,

Allyson

An Open Letter to the Lane "Giant"

"Dearest" Lane Giant Bryant....

I realize that I just wrote you a letter, barely a week ago.  You'd think I could just let it go already.  Think again.  Because, when my latest Holiday Catalog arrived in the mail, I could not be silent.  I couldn't squelch the irritation and annoyance long enough to just let it pass.  Plus, I totally have an awesome scanner, and I knew that I needed to share, with the "masses" the lunacy of what you deem appropriate attire for those of us in the "chub" set, if you will.

I mean, everyone knows my NUMBER ONE rule of WHAT NOT TO WEAR.  Skinny or fat (but especially NOT fat) thou shalt NOT wear.....

REALLY?  "Celebrate Jeggings?"  REALLY?

You MUST be kidding me, right?

"The look your boots have been waiting for?"

::SNORT::

Or....the look that causes eye cancer is more like it.

I myself see nothing to celebrate about overly fluffy thighs being poured into sausage casings.

There are unsightly dimples involved.

How many times do I have to bring this to your attention.

On top of which, the second cardinal sin of "fat" fashion is being displayed here.

Sleeveless.  No No NO!

Fat arms + sleeveless shirts = Heinous

Say it with me friends:

JUST SAY NO TO JEGGINGS (and sleeveless shirts)

Ick!

Now, this insult to my senses was followed closely with this lovely ensemble:

Ummmm ewww!  I don't care if i could get this "look" for under $0.00 I would NOT be caught dead wearing it.

#1 It's really ugly.

#2 Again with the sleeveless.

Keep in mind friends, this model is probably a size 12 or 14, which in my world is practically aneorexic.  And still, it's not a good look.

However, you do have to give props to the fan blowing her hair about just so.  And the gray couch, it's a keeper for sure.

Moving on:

Lies...from the pitt of Hell.

Look here you little Eva Mendez look alike.  You're not fooling anyone.

I mean, we all know that Lane Bryant bras suck goat balls as it is.

Then, again, we're talking about a smallish "fat" model.

I guarantee that no amount of lycra on God's green earth is gonna be smoothin down a girl that's a size 26.  It just is NOT going to happen.  T-RUST me, I know what I'm talking about.

Do you SEE that?

It says bustier

Let me get this straight....

Some jack hole in the Lane Bryant design devision thought for one nano second that a girl of size would look good in a bustier dress.  This IS something that squishes and pushes up fat, right?

Again....we're looking at a small girl here.

Are you keeping in mind that these dresses are made in size 26/28?

I assure you that that much flesh is NEVER going to be attractive.

It just isn't.

In fact, it's pretty scarey.

And then, it's offensive.

And I can say these things...because I'm FAT!

And finally:

What happened here?

"I like mine dirty?"

I suddenly FEEL dirty.

You can't throw us off with your cutesy little martini glass.  We know where you were going with this.

EWW!

And then that hideous tank nightgown.

"Celebrate Naughty"

For the love of all the Christmas Elves....

For real?

I mean, it might be one thing if the girl who buys it goes around fully made up and had a fan blowing her hair and made modelesque funky armed poses.

But you know full well what we all look like when we're lazing around the house, fresh bed head, sans makeup and add to that copious amounts of squishy flesh smooshing about for all to see.

You feel my pain right?

You understand my disdain for all things Lane and all things Bryant.

Here's the dealio....

if we have to shop at your store, that means we are THICK, chubby, fluffy, FAT! 

It means we have extra flab and skin.  Probably a goodly amount of stretch marks.

It MEANS that we need clothing that covers us up.

It is still possible to be very stylish, cute, and trendy AND have our arms covered or our butt fronts hidden.

I don't think this is too much to ask.

And so I implore you Lane Bryant, as a fatty with class.  Please reconsider your design esthetic.  Consider that there are many of us out there who prefer to actually look good in our clothes.  There are those of us who cringe at the thought of frightening small children with the shear volume of skin we show.

There are those of us who have CLASS.

Until you can figure this out, I shall take my business elsewhere.

Signed

Annoyed Chief of the Fashion Police

P.S.  Jeggings are of the DEVIL!

All comments and observations are strictly the opinion of moi, a perfectly perfect chubby girl.

If you own any of these items, and or thought you wanted to.  My apologies for your suspect taste.

We can still be friends, just don't wear that stuff around me and I won't judge you.   Mmmmmmkay?!

All images scanned from the Lane Bryant Holidy catalogue

Overheard

It was well past bedtime.  Celebrations celebrated.  Baths had.  Stories read.  Songs sung, secrets told, hugs and kisses had, and still the whining persisted.

I walked back for another check to see what was going on.  As I approached the end of the hall, just outside the kids door, I could hear Maggie angrily saying something.

It went a little something like this:

"Mommy is mean.  You know why she's mean?  Because she wouldn't put the purple thing away.  That means Mommy is a Poo, Poo, POO-ER!"

I may or may not have peed my pants laughing.

And for the record...this is how we got to this point.

Approximately 2.5 seconds AFTER I walked out of their room, following said, reading, singing, secret telling, loving, kissing, tucking, etc.  She was at it.  She was yelling for something.  I walked back in and as she prostrated herself across the front of her bed she wailed...."I caaaaaan't sleeeep.   I caaaaannn't sleep on my bed.  I'm NOT gonna sleep on my bed.  I'm gonna sleep on the floor."

To which I replied....good for you.  Have a great time.  Enjoy the floor.  And then I turned to go.  She yelled after me "I want the big purple blanket."

I kindly obliged (I'm working on my kindness) and retrieved said quilt.  I laid it out on the floor.  She screamed it was WRONG!  So, I folded the quilt and tried again.  To which she screamed again, it was alllllllll wrong!  Then she kicked the quilt.  Then she said she didn't want no stinkin blanket.  She was just gonna lay on the floor with her own night night.  So I said...great.  GOODNIGHT!  This was followed by her yelling at me to GET IT (the now offensive quilt) OUT OF HER ROOM!  I lovingly said, NO!  "And STOP telling ME what to do."  I was gonna show her, wasn't I.

I left, she proceeded to complain, yell and screech about this ridiculous quilt.  Then, it got relatively quiet.  Which lead to my walk down the hall to check.  And I was greeted by her aforementioned quote.

I love my daughter.

She is totally nutts, and I'm on the crazy train trying to deal with her.  But really...she's hilarious!

Purple quilts and poo poo-ers,

Allyson

Letters to the Editor 2nd edition

Here I sit on a lovely Wednesday morning amidst a sea of marshmallows for breakfast and sore neck muscles.  I woke up for the umpteenth time in full makeup, feeling crusty and gross.  I really MUST stop falling asleep at inoportune times.  At LEAST I was in my bed this time, instead of on the couch. But, I digress.  The kids are in dress up clothes (oh, they just came in for a change of costume) running around the backyard playing "pretend."  Some of that pretend has included going to the doctor, killing people (what the heck?), going to school, going out for a fancy dinner, informing the world that they're the queens, driving cars, etc.  I do so love when they pretend and play so happily outside.

Anyway...I've had some "things" on my mind lately and figured it was time to write a few letters to clear the air.

Dear Lane Bryant (oh yes, I MUST start with you again),

Thanks for NOTHING!  You and your craptastical bras can suck it!  All I ask is for some lift, some LIFT!  Is this to much?  Apparently so.  Way to luuuure me in with promises of greatness, only to utterly disappoint within 2 days of owning you.  I realize that my bodacious ta tas are large, I get it.  But, I just can't believe that they literally way 100 lbs. each (though that would so explain the scales numbers) and instantly melt wire and material to worthless balls of nothing.  I suggest you get to work on some stronger material, or better yet, just give me my money back.  You big JERKS!

Droopily yours,

Allyson


Dear good bras of America,

Oh, you know who you are....Oprah Bra, bra of my dreams (though my last one was a bust), or the other brand that Nordstroms sells which is also so good at holding me in and up.  Why must you cost SO MUCH MONEY?!  You are in essence asking for my first born child in order for me to own you.  I simply can't afford to fork out 90 bucks FOR.A.BRA every time I need one.  Why must you torture me with your brilliant construction.  Your ability to LIFT me and seperate.  Only to be too unaffordable?!  Thanks for nothing.

Sad Bubbily yours,

Boobs Magoo


Dear Maggie,

My most sweet and adorable little muffin.  Dark outside means SLEEP!  For the love of all that's good and holy, PLEASE stop coming in and asking to watch kid shows at 1 a.m., 4 a.m., 5 a.m., etc.  What part of NO do you not understand?  What part of "THE SUN IS NOT AWAKE YET,THEREFORE NEITHER SHOULD YOU BE." Do you just not get!!?? 

Sleep interruptedly,

Your Mama



Dear Max,

My ever adorable little Bubbsy.  I am NOT a fan of this new phase you are entering, wherein you scream and cry and say "I don't want to take a nap."  I get it, hanging out in our hovel is so much more exciting than sleep.  BUT, naps are essential to mommies sanity.  So, you're going to need to just get over your bad self and nap away.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Sandman


Dear lazy, lazy self,

This whole not working out for well over  a month thing has GOT to stop!  It sucks to feel squishy and pastey and yucky.  I'm fairly sure your hips have indeed taken over their own zipcode.  And your arms flabbing around could conceivably knock out a small child.  So, get off your fat keister and get back to the gym.  Your heart, butt and self esteem will thank me!!

Sincerely,

Sister Flabs



Dear Wal-Mart,

You SUCK!  Let me count the ways.

1.  You make me believe it's ok to shop in my pajamas
2.  You also lead me to believe that it is fine to shop in your stores sans makeup, or any personal care for my appearance.  This is bad, very bad.
3. You make me believe it's ok to fill my cart, because everything is so cheap!
4. You totally lied to me and made me excited about getting 70 diapers for thirteen bucks!  But trust me, the utter amount of leakage, pee stained clothes and bedding was so NOT worth it.  I have NEVER experienced worse diapers in my life!  And my poor child had to endure the soaking wet nights to prove it.  So a big fat SUCK IT goes to you!


Dear Arizona,

I get it, you're ARIZONA!  Desert Southwest.  Known for your sunshine and hotness.  But ENOUGH already with your hot and sweatiness.  I can't take ONE.MORE.DAY of your crappy 90+ degrees.  And stop with the teasing of cool 57 degree mornings and evenings, only to stomp us into the ground with your BLISTERING sunshiney mid days.  Sweating is unconstitutional past September.  Therefore you are totally in breach of said constitution.  CEASE and DESIST!

UNsincerely,

Sweaty in Mesatown


Dear Project Runway,

Gretchen?  REALLY?  Can you even be serious?  You clearly smoked some crack before the show and singed ALL your taste away.  I'm disgusted.  Oh, and also, Heidi, that entirely red pantsuit ensemble that you sported on the last show.  YIKES!  Your stylist should be fired, 'cause that was painful.

Yours truly,

The Fashion police


Dear Maggie (again),

Thank you for your HI-larious look on life and all things poo.  Your uncontrollable giggles over even mentioning the word poo makes me laugh and smile.  Thanks for our bedtime songs that have now become odes to poo.  My favorite being..."How much is that poo poo (doggy) in the window?"  I really NEED that laughter, and you provide.

Smiling thru poo,

Mom

Alrighty, guess that's enough for now.  Need to jump in the shower and get ready for the day.  Plus, gotta take Jere to school, as we only have one working car at the moment.  Good times, people, GOOD TIMES!!!

Ever yours,

Allyson

Halloween....it happens

Ok, let's just get it out there.  We all know that I am NOT so much a fan of Halloween.  In fact, I am Scroogey McScroogerton when it comes to costumes, handing out candy, etc.  Come to think of it, I AM a fun sucker.  However...little kids dressed up in various costumes ARE super cute.  So, due to the kindness of family, strangers and or friends, my kids have had costumes every year.  Seriously, they would be SCREWED without the good people in our lives.

This year Maggie had no less than THREE costumes, all due to a costume box of joy that Jenee gave us last year, AND our friend Rebecca who is actually a costumer by trade.  We were at her house for something else the other night and she said, take whatever you want.  So, Maggie, Daddy and Max scored costumes.  Once again, I DON'T DO COSTUMES (ignore the year I wore a shaggy dog costume and sweated to death).

I will say though, after traipsing through bloggy land, looking at everyone elses Halloweens, I am MIGHTY impressed wtih peopls creativity and ingenuity.  It is amazing what these people come up with.  And, I felt a bit guilty reading how much they all LOVE Halloween, and how much FUN it was to come up with costumes, or whatever.  I really need to work on my crappy attitude.  ::sigh:: there is A LOT I need to work on, but that'll have to wait for another day, another post.

Here ya go....pics of the kiddies (and Daddy) in all their Halloweeny glory.

Our first Halloween Trunk or Treat

Maggie as a "ballerina"/ice skater with laceless tap shoes (her insistance)

Max as Bam Bam/caveman/Tarzan

Really?  What is NOT to love about this little jungle kid? 

I can't even handle the cute.

For her school carnival

Little Miss Mermaid Princess

In this pose Maggie is apparently a Bollywood Ariel

Brooklyn is a beautiful Ballerina.  No seriously....look at the long lines on that child.

What?  I couldn't help it.

Our Raggedy Annes

Jer is silly and loves any opportunity to dress up, especially if he can wear a dress, hahahahaa.

He just thought it would be SO FUN to be "twins" with Maggie.

And I'm not gonna lie....

They were pretty dang adorable traipsing around the neighborhood party.

As for me...I'm just glad it's over.

Now, who has a great costume they want to lend us for next year?

Candy comas and sugar shock,

Allyson

And the Title Goes To.....

To all you ladies out there vying for that "Mother of the Year" crown....  Just give up the dream, let it go, it's NOT gonna happen for you.  Why?  'Cause I've sooo got it IN.THE.BAG!  I'm taking this title to new heights people.  NEWHEIGHTGS!

What makes me say this?  Well, let me show you.  Pictures, after all, ARE worth a thousand words.

**Disclaimer** In my defense...the kids were playing outside on the carport happily, which always makes my heart go pitter pat.  They were quiet, and that also makes me happy (though nervous).  In retrospect, I do recall Maggie saying something about wanting chips.  I was busily texting my entire cast reminding them to wear closed toed shoes for strike today (what?  This was IMPORTANT stuff).  So, I'm sure when she mentioned chips, I half muttered a response of "mm hmm, ok", or totally didn't answer at all (so Mother of the year qualities), which to her means, YES!  Anyway, all I knew was, they were quiet and happy.  Texting completed, I stood up to put my show binder away and I hear the sounds of a bag being dumped.  Max is REALLLLLLY good at dumping all things bagged.**

I peeked around the corner and this is what I saw........

Two happy kids.

A carport picnic. 

Entire bag of doritos ON the dirty carport.

At 8:30 in the morning.

Breakfast of champions.

And I just took a pic and walked away.

'Cause I am awesome like that.

A few minutes later I returned to find them "drunk" on doritos.  Look at Max's face. It's a little like Templeton the rat after he ate his "smorgasboard" at the fair.  When Max saw me he said "I make big mess".

Indeed you did you little pig pen, indeed you DID!

(Hey, at least Max's hair was totally stylin, still done from yesterday)

Note Maggie, delicately licking her fingers.

When they finally emerged from the chip/concrete coma they were foul.  Dorito shmutz covering their entire faces, hands, feet, legs, etc.

But, they were happy.

And therefore, I conclude.........

I am TOTALLY MOTHER OF THE YEAR!

Because letting your kids eat a bag of doritos for breakfast, on the filthy ground is EXACTLY what good mothering is about. ::snort::

I mean...yes I'm awesome!

Motherly awesome yours,

Allyson

Now, stop judging and just go look at the previous post and all my pics of my happy Halloween kids.  In which I really WAS a better Mom.

NOT Yo Average Preschool

So here's the deal....Maggie doesn't just go to preschool.  She goes to THE BEST preschool that ever there was preschool.  Miss Ranelle is the Queen of the Magic kingdom of happy and sweet.  Her ability to tame the beasts and sass and calm the weepy set is phenomenal.  THEN, on top of that, she puts on the msot AMAZING programs and events.  Her Halloween carnival is NO exception.  Seriously, she should be charging admission to this shebang, because it is UH-MAZING!!

Yesterday we ventured over to the Halloween goodness at Preschool land, and though it was hotter than the blazes of you know where, and I had actually huge drops of sweat dripping off my head...it was so worth it to see the sheer joy on Max's face as he ran and played and won prizes, and to see Maggie toodle about in her mermaid costume, looking lovely and happy as she also played, created, ate and SWEATED! (quite possibly the longest and worst runon sentence ever created)

So, without further ado.....pictures of the "Event."

First there was this super cool haunted castle thing.  It led into this long maze that had this flattened witch (she was my favorite), spider webs, grave yards, etc.  Totally cool.

 

What place would be complete without a little house of bounce?  None I tell you, NONE!

Nothing makes Max happier than some bounce time.

They created an entire pumpkin patch area.  The kids got to choose adorable little pumpkins and then take them and draw on and decorate them.  So cute!

 
For this day Maggie was a LOVELY Ariel, and Brooklyn was a beautiful balerina. While my Maximus was Bam Bam, or a caveman or tarzan, or whatever you want to call him, besides ADORABLE!  Seriously, I can't take it.

Max played and played and played.  Shoeless, in sand, and all the HOT.  But he was in heaven.  climbing, sliding, running and sweating.

 

Good thing there were sno-cones on hand.  Look closely at Brooklyn. She had red all over her face, it cracked me up.  But...she enjoyed her sno-cone!

 

Maggie worked quite intently on her cookie decorating and was pretty pleased with her results.

Fishing booth, game stations and a spin art table.  Max totally won the big prize his first try at Plinko.  he got a nerf football...AWESOME!  Funny side note.  This morning he wanted to play catch with Daddy and the football.  Jere was terrified.  He is NOT athletic, if you didn't know. hahaha

Oh, and each of the kids got their own plastic pumpkin bucket with their name attached when they walked in.  So amazing!

Maggie chose these sunglasses when she won on Plinko.  Good thing, 'cause they came in handy in the blaze o the day.  That is my sweet Jayce sitting next to her.  He was a dapper buzz lightyear!

This is Maggies friend Navi.  We're so happy that she got to join the preschool this year.  Navi is so funny, she cracks me up.  She really wanted to be a dinosaur, but her Mom prevailed and something girly won out.

There was also a treat walk, where we won three times.

Good times people, good times!

I am telling you...if you are looking for a preschool in the Mesa area, this is THE place to go.  Her curriculum is amazing, her personality is amazing, and it's just the BEST!!

Ok, so some final pics.

The night before we went out to my sisters trunk or treat and Maggie got to sport a different costume.  Don't worry, she has a DIFFERENT one to wear to OUR neighborhood party on Saturday.  Ridiculous.

This night she was a ballerina, ice skater, dancer girl.  Oh whatever, she just looked pretty.  And she insisted on wearing tap shoes with no laces.  AWESOME!

Sitting in my sisters van, enjoying the "fruits" of their trunk or treating labors!

Hope your Halloween is fablous!

Off to my final two shows of Oliver. 

Trick or treats,

Allyson