When you look up the picture for wicked....

After another "successful" evening of sucking at parenting, I decided that I should take to "the googles" and look up wicked stepmother.

Of course there was this picture:

I actually look like this A LOT!

Or this famous picture:

 
Another fairly dead on depiction of my face.

And then, shockingly, there was THIS:

You guys, this is how I feel like my face looks 90% of the freaking time.  It's exhausting, and frankly, doing nothing for my wrinkle lines.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but why is it that I have zero tolerance or patience for the things my kids do.  No really, like ZERO!

We are currently on this "new" (and by new I mean, revisited, we've been off it for many months, but here we are again) thing of Max being terrified of the dark, and of doing anything alone, AT ALL!  I mean, for heavens sake, last night he wouldn't even go out to the kitchen to fill his sippy by himself because he was scared.  Tonight, he wouldn't go find his sippy, he just cried and wailed and lamented that he was TOOOO SCARED!  Every night we find him on Maggies bed with her, even though we've threatened certain death if he continues.  And every day it's the same story, "I was too scared on my bed."

So, after I told them both to knock it off and get over it, cause there is NOTHING to be afraid of, and then went to my room....I felt bad. WHAT is wrong with me? Shouldn't I be comforting and consoling them? Shouldn't I be laying there rubbing their little backs until they feel better?  Instead, I'm just irritated that they're being dramatic.  While Max was sobbing about his fears, I hear Maggie say "Max, i need to get some freaking sleep, BE QUIET!"  Then, I felt bad enough about my suckitude that I went in and asked Max what he was so afraid of.  Between his gasping sobs he said, "the dark."  I convinced him to get up and come in my room to talk to me.  But not before Maggie insists that I leave the door open, because she's afraid.  I take him to my bed and try very calmly to ask him WHAT about the dark scares him.  He told me it's all the shadows, and that he's afraid the stickers on their closet door (large paper doll stickers of Maggies) would come alive.  Now,suddenly,  Maggie is bawling and carrying on from the other room, yelling she's so scared.  I'm trying to calmly talk to Max, reason with him, assure him, get him to talk to me, etc.  In comes Maggie with fake crying.  She's just too afraid to be alone, she tells me.  Wait a second here....was she just not miss smarty/rude pants to Max about HIS crying? So, anyway,  we talk about how there is always prayer, and that they are safe, etc.  After a prayer, while I was holding both of them, they calmed down and I was able to finally put them to bed.  THANK GOODNESS! But for reals.......am I the only craptastic "Wicked" mother out there that gets irritated by all this?

Where is all my tender love and compassion?

I think I lost it somewhere.

Or, how about yesterday when I had just finished with lessons, and there was a knock at the door.  There stood Maggie, Max and our neighbor Jessie.  Max stuck his head in the door and with a huge, proud smile stated, "Maggie and me peed our pants."

Uh, Iiiiiii'm sorry, you WHAT?

Yeah, apparently it was just to hard to get to a toilet and so, poof, they PEED THEIR FREAKING PANTS on their way home.  And by Max's very proud announcement, I knew accident was NOT a true term to use here.

I was lit.  I sent Jessie home, I pulled the kids inside and sent them immediately to the shower.  Aint no child o' mine gonna go around making golden showers in their pants "just because."

I told Maggie this was completely unacceptable.  She KNOWS how to use a  bathroom,a nd WHEN to use a bathroom.  She swore that she just couldn't make it in time.  But, that the real story with Max was, once he saw that she wet her pants, she said "ok, I can do that."  "And then he tried really hard, until he did Mom.  You HAVE to believe me on this."

So, let me get this straight, my 5, nearly 6 year old daughter was just to lazy to use the neighbors bathroom, whilst my 4 year old son just thought it'd be good times to piss in his pants.  AWESOME!

Needless to say, I wore my "wicked" badge once again. Forcing them to wash their own selves in the bath and shower and then sending them to bed early.

A short list (if you will) of my wicked mothering ways:
1. I make them wash themselves in their baths
2. I make Maggie wash her hair....ever
3. I FORCE them to brush their teeth.
4. I won't let them eat candy for breakfast
5. I buy Maggie new clothes that aren't to her liking.
6. I dare to ask them to pick up their room
7. I tell them NO, A LOT!
8. They've never been to Disneyland
9. I won't buy them something EVERY time we're at the store.
10. I am terrible about "Playing" with them
11. I yell at them

Oh, I'm sure the list could go on and on. They like to tell me on a daily basis how mean I am, and that I'm so rude.  

Good thing there is picture proof on the googles of that....Otherwise, people might believe ME when I say THEY'RE the rude ones.

Frustrations and feeling bad,

Allyson 

P.S. Word to the wise.  I may have written this whilst half asleep, and then fallen asleep and then published.  Forgive it's shortcomings.