Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The great "boob squish" of '09!

So, a couple of weeks ago, I decided it was time I had a complete physical, seeing as I hadn't even been to a doctor (other than gyno) in 3 years, hadn't had a physical in 4 years AND the real hum dinger, I won't have insurance, or different insurance starting in end of August. So, the time is now to get things done. Imagine my surprise when I was able to get right in for a physical. In the past, i remember having to call and wait WEEKS before you could even get in. Anywho, I waltzed right in one morning, had my blood work done and then went in to see the doc a week later. The news was all roses all the way around. Not only am I apparently totally healthy, I have PERFECT cholesterol. I mean, like 125 and 51, Niiiiice! I was pleased as punch. Who knew? Also, it said my thyroid was good AND my calcium. Surprise! Anyway, I mentioned that I AM of that age when I should get a mammo and I've never had one. So, he wrote me up an order to get one and I phoned in for an appointment time.

Today was the big day....the day of the squish. And how much do I love Simon Med and their adorable office with all its antique furniture and warm and fuzzy colors. They were so nice and pretty prompt as well. Oh, did I mention that in the waiting room after you change into your little "gown" (side note: Dear gynee doctors EVERYWHERE, please take a note and a lesson from Simon Med and get these gowns. For the first time in my life my bubbies were completely covered and I was safe and secure in my nakedness.) there was a TV and fresh baked cookies. Cute, I'm telling you, just cute. So, the time has come, my happy little technician came and retrieved me and my free swinging boobies for the smoosh. You all know the folklore around this procedure. Women would have you believe that it's the most painful, awful thing ever. Imagine my surprise and delight when the whole thing took a whopping 10 minutes and I felt nary a pinch. Seriously, WHAT is all the fuss about? I was waiting for some pain, and instead, I felt NOTHING! Ok, I won't lie...having a stranger have to manhandle my boobs, and lift them up (yes literally lift them) and smooth them on the machine was a tad bit embarrassing, but what can a girl with shriveled hooters do? I mean really, I've NEVER had what you'd like to call "perky" ta tas. They grew way to fast, so I've literally always had big, saggy girls. Then you add in the fact that I had gastric and lost so much weight, they became, as my friend Nancy likes to say of hers "oranges in tube socks", THEN I had 2 babies, so they grew,shrunk, grew, shrunk. What is left is just simply put, not a pretty picture. The tech took 4 whole pictures and then said, that's all I need. I said to her "does this mean that they look so clean and good that you only had to take four?" She smiled and said "well, I will say this, you're quite photogenic, and they look good." And I'll just have to agree. I caught a glimpse of my breasticle on the screen, and it looked perfectly perfect, no dark spots, light spots, just milk ducts and veins, or whatever it was I was looking at. Good for me and my bad self. So there you have it, a completely painless, excellent adventure in mammography. Ladies, you have nothing to fear, get out and get it done.

To celebrate my excellent boobies, I stopped off at Target and picked up some hats.

I went looking for a cute and stylish hat for myself. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and trying to be "cool". While perusing the aisles, sans the kiddies, I came upon these little gems for each of them. They were on clearance for 2 bucks. Good times.
While Max looks adorable in a hat, he does NOT enjoy keeping it on. He immediately rips it off.

How freaking adorable is she in her little conductor hat? She looks like Strawberry Shortcake in it. Luckily, she enjoys herself a hat and wears it all around. Nearly as much as her shoes and her purses.
All in all, a good day, a good squish, a good hat!
Boobs and flatteners,


Lana said...

Maybe there's hope for me that it won't hurt because I too have flat, pathetic little boobs. (Well, yours are bigger at least...mine are more like pine nuts in tube socks). Anyway, love the hats...yours is really cute!

Tracie said...

WHAT?!?! Allyson wearing a hat! I'm sooo proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and giving the ol' hat thing a whirl. Good choices all around!

Dixiechick said...

I feel so intimately familiar with your boobies after that post. I wonder how they would "squish" mine. Not possible. :)

Julie said...

Again, as with your hoo-haw post, I am thoroughly entertained with the number of ways you refer to the 'ladies'. Thank you for sharing, cuz I think we all have heard how horrible it is---which clearly it isn't. And even it were, it needs to be done!

Congrats on them being so photogenic! Ü

The Coolest Allen Family said...

I always knew your bubbies would be photogenic! :)

I hate any and all doctors and I haven't seen one it a way too long. I suck like that. Way to go and conquer the boob squish!

The Atomic Mom said...

Your use of the word bubbies astounds me....how funny. As for your boob smoosh, I thought you got those in your 40s and if I'm not mistaken you are far from 40, although closer than me....hehehe!

Maile said...

My Max always rips his hats off too! I hate it because he looks so cute in them. The kids are growing so fast and look great. It seems like yesterday we were dragging your super-pregnant self to that restaurant in Chandler after Forever Plaid!

jen said...

I had to read this post out loud to Brad as we drove around Coronado yesterday. That, my friend, is one of your best.
And congrats on the great photos.

ps I am older than you, but I have yet to have this privilege. Too many nursing babies and the possibility of milk issues . . . .

Melia K. said...

Say it isn't so!!!!!!! If you're old enough for this, then so am I, and there is no way in the world that I am old enough to endure that kind of intimite scrutiny! How about I just hook up a huge shop lamp, shine a little light through some mammary mass, shoot a couple polaroids (which will be immediately afterwards destroyed), and call it good?
If I do have to do this, as they drag me kicking and screaming down the hall, at least I'll have something funny to think about! Thanks for the chuckle.

Julz said...

I feel special to know so much of your boob history. It made me feel that mine have not lived to exciting of a life!

Summertime Designs said...

I love this post! I started to laugh so loud and then realized that 2 of my kids were asleep on the floor next to me and started to stir. This reminds me of my mom. Back when Rosie O'Donnell had her show and back when she was funny, she would send a free t-shirt to anyone who got their mammogram done. I remember my mom being sooooo excited when the box came from "Rosie O'Donnell" and she knew EXACTLY what was inside. She had me and my sisters come to her room for when she opened it. She lifted it up, and in bright pink and teal letters it said, "I've been Squished!" We all busted up laughing (hey, I just said BUSTED up laughing, ha ha!) Way to take care of yourself and to be so healthy! And love the hats along with the prices!

Jere said...

Hey, I just love your boobs. With or without tube socks!

Mel said...

You crack me up. I'm dreading the day when I have to get one, but this gives me hope. Good for you and your fantastic health. :)

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