Tuesday, April 19, 2011


The afternoon stretched before us like the waistband of John Goodmans underpants.  Just Chris, Sabrea and I in the snow covered Salt Lake.  What should we do?  What entertainment could we find.   Well, we're a scrappy bunch, and we set out to fill John Goodmans waistband.  Wait, what?  That didn't sound right at all.  Anyway......

First we made our way to some outdoorish mall near Temple Square and enjoyed some delicious lunching at Rumbi.  As we went to leave we ran into "The Jordan Bluthe" (whom I lurve) and his father in law and brother in law.  After a quick chat, we were on our way.

I handed over the car keys to Chris, he's a gifted driver in all parts.  And we were off, I'd like to say, like a shot, but it was more like a herd of turtles.  We got all turned around near Temple Square and had to find our way up to the Capitol.

Hi Chris.
He loves all things architecture, building, creating, etc.
So naturally the Capital building called to him.

She is quite majestic looking up on top of the hill.

After looking around there we decided to check out the HUGE and stately homes that fill the neighborhoods around the capitol.  These are some mamber jamber houses.  Some rather ritzy.  Some crazy stuck in the 70's, but clearly snazzy in their time.

A dreary view from up there THAT day, but clearly spectacular on a clear day.

Clearly I needed to take a shot of me in ALL that blasted snow for Jeres sake.  He was a titch bitter that I got to be in snow.  Whilst I was a titch bitter-er that I HAD to be in snow.  I mean, I risked my hair for this shot people.  SHEESH!  I hope he appreciates my undying love.

Alrighty, after the snow photo op, I hopped back into the car and we began our slow move through the neighborhood. With the sounds of Mozart or Beethoven ringing in our ears (not really, but it sounds classy no?) we wend our way through the neighborhoods.

There we were driving amongst some of Salt Lakes elite when what to my wandering eye should appear but? Please insert the sound of the record being scratched RRRRrrrrrrrrRRRRR and silence ensuing, right here.

"STOP THE CAR.  STOP!  Now back up slowly, oh so slowly.  Please tell me you see what I see."

Chris dutifully backed up, and the moment he and Sabrea saw it, they laughed uncontrollably.  I was relieved to know I wasn't the ONLY one with a gutter mind.

Aint no Mozart playing around THIS (more like a little Marvin Gaye and "let's get it on"):

Do my eyes be deceiving me?
Is that what I thinks it is?
Did Playgirl landscape these parts?
What in the name of all thats good and holy are three PENIS trees doing in the middle of this neighborhood?  Who DO dat?  Gurrrrl my eyes be trippin.  Did I just slip into the phallic zone? Whose idea of a sick joke was this?  Did somebody play a mean trick on the homeowners?  Or did some twisted mind REALLY think this was a good idea?

Well, I mean, for our entertainment, it WAS a GREAT idea.  But for the everyday neighborhood populace........I.DON'T.THINK.SO.  Mmmmkay?!

Or wait, perhaps THIS was more inappropriate.

Don't anyone worry, there was a FAR more inappropriate picture taken.  But for the sake of my Mother and innocent children, I abstained from posting it.  I do have a teeny tiny spec of morals left in me.

So thanks swanky neighborhood.  Thanks for the ridiculous penis trees.  They WERE entertaining and gave us a great laugh.

Good thing we were off to Temple Square to sing about spiritual things.  This really "helped" with that.


Phallic and funny,



azandersens said...

Oh, Allyson, you're so not a SLC girl. :) The outdoor mall thingy is The Gateway, and the neighborhoods you were meandering around in are The Avenues. If your pic was taken in the upper avenues, it might have been a mistake. If it was in the lower avenues, maybe there was true meaning behind it. That's where all the artsy non-LDS people live in SLC. :) Your post made me homesick . . . not the tree part.

Kristina P. said...

I am about anything phallic.

Greg and Tammy said...

Hysterical. Put there to keep you guys entertained on a snowy afternoon. :)

alison said...

ok...so i'm almost embarrassed to actually admit to this, but since you are my favorite gal, i'll just put it all out there. my sister and i used to drive out to oklahoma to visit our dad when i was in college. it was a 15 hour drive....a BORING 15 hour drive. so each trip, we would have a theme. one year it was "ironies" (which is a story in and of itself!) and our personal favorite theme was "found porn". we snapped pictures of various questionable places and names and objects shaped like, well...you know. i think the best one we found was the Kum-&-Go gas station on hwy 69. i am NOT making this up!! i wonder what happened to all of those pictures from those trips?????