Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Baby Story

Ahhhhhhhhhh....that is the collective sigh of joy and relief you're all doing because I am FINALLY making this entry. I know, I know. It's just that it takes time, and thought and energy. All of which I'm rather short on these days, let's just be honest. Holy CRAP I'm tired. But, enough complaining, noone cares about that.

So, without further ado....I give you OUR BABY STORY.

On Monday the 20th we went in to Banner Desert to be induced. We wandered in to the lobby where we were greeted by the lady at the desk. We told her we were there to be induced. She promptly picked up her phone, and in a soothing tone purred into the other end...."your 12:00 induction is here." She then informed us that admitting was ready for us, a we could step through that door to see them. After a brief, yet lovely meeting with admitting we were sent back out to the lobby to wait for our nurse to fetch us. In less than 2 seconds, our nurse was there and we were "whisked" off to our birthing suite. At this point, I was half expecting them to give us mani-pedis and offer us some spritzers, it was just so "relaxing" and such. I proceeded to disrobe and put on my lovely hospital gown and get to know Suzan our delightful and hilarious nurse. After a little waiting, and a call to my Doctor, it was determined that I would just start the petocin drip. So, at about 1:15 the petocin began. It was a slow process, because they start the drip at a very low number. At first it was just Jere and I, then about 3:00 his sister Julie showed up with some card games and chips. And now..a photo.

This is me, in the rocking chair, just waiting for something to happen. And, trying to move things along.

Shortly after this photo, I was playing a rousing game of Phase 10 with Jere and Julie and my nurse came in and said, "you are NOT in the birthing zone, this will not help you." Oh my gosh, I totally forgot to tell you the funniest part. After I got settled in, Suzan (the nurse) asked if I needed anything, like water, etc. I said, I'd take a water. She said, "are you sure, I make a mean cranberry gingerale spritzer, a Suzan special." With that said, how could I turn her down? So, she did indeed bring me a spritzer and it was delish. Anyway, back to my story. I immediately gave up the game and tried to visualize, so i could be in the birth zone. I mean, hey, I was more than ready to get this thing done.

Ok, LONG story not short enough, around 5:15 my adorable doctor stopped in and said, "let's break your water." I said, "let's, 'cause I'm ready to get this show on the road." At this point the petocin was up pretty high and I was having some pretty painful contractions. HOLY CRAP contractions are painful. But, I'm a rock star and I could handle it. So, he disappeared and my contractions increased. Mind you, I came in that day already at a 5 almost. When they checked me at this point, still at a 5. UGH! So, as the pain increased, I caved and said, let's get this epidural STAT!! At just after 6:30 the doc came in and did the epidural. She was a great doc, really funny. Let's just say I got it JUST in time, 'cause WOW!! The nurse checked me at 7:00 and I was at a 6, woo! I was so irritated, 'cause hello, let's have a kid already. So, meantime, my parents show up, and my sister Dana was there. I don't think I can have a kid without Dana there, she's my "peace" and again with the wise one. Ok, just before 8:00 Jere and his sis go out to find his Mom, and my nurse had been sent to dinner. Well, 8:00, the doctor rolls in and says "what is taking you so long, I thought you were a fast laborer?" I said I was, I didn't know the issue. So, he decides to check me, and wouldn't you know it, there was a head crowned. I was feeling SO GOOD from the epidural, I had no idea. I had transitioned from a 6 to a 10 in about 40 minutes. So, he says, "let's do this." I was like, "WAIT, we need Jere, and my nurse." So, they called for the nurse over the intercom in the hospital, Dana called Jere and everyone made it JUST in time. Literally, the doctor said push and I kid you not, in half a push, I felt the pressure change, and I was like, "uh, did I just have a baby?" And everyone said, "um yep, that's a baby." My doctor was duly impressed. So, I totally didn't feel like I even "earned" him, he just sort of fell out if you will. Apparently my afterbirth did too, 'cause I ddin't have to push for that either. It was amazing.

Max was adorable and amazing right off the bat. He had huge red lips, all pouty and cute. A perfect little round head and big eyes. He weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz. which is respectable. We are truly in love. He's very mellow and sweet, a lot like his sister. Yet, he does cry a little more and he has this wierd thing where he wants to eat all the time. haha Maggie was NOT like that, so it's a new experience.

Ok, pictures.

THAT is my Bubbers. They always look so big in these first pics. Then, you get then you get them home and they have bird legs and arms and are so tiny.

This is Maggie meeting Max for the first time. It was seriously adorable and so sweet. She just wanted to pet him and hold him and was soooo sweet with him. She's been so great with him, it's absolutely amazing to me the "growing up" that happens and understanding that she seems to have.

Heading home, let the good times begin.

Our Bubbers...Maximus Prime, or just MAX! By the way, his umbillacle cord fell off at 4 days old. He's got jaundice, and I'm hoping that it'll go away in the next day or so. I'm so ready for his eyes to not be yellow.
Sorry this is so long, congrats if you made it through.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

First things First

Ok, I know you're all waiting with breathless anticipation for a post on Mr. Mans birth and pics of his royal cuteness, and THAT is coming. However, first I must post a couple of things that I meant to do before I had the baby. I was just too tired and too lazy. So, to go along with my play on words....
Maggie got her "FIRST" (hehe get it?) haircut. To say she was getting a little mangey would be an understatement. So, we headed over to Lana's house for a very informal little trimmy trim. She sat on Lana's lap in her living room and did pretty well. After the cut we headed for Sonic and then to a park for a delightful little picnic. It was Maggies first time to play in sand. She had a delightful time and came away a mess, but happy. So, all in all it was a lovely afternoon, and her haircut was a success.
Can we say scruffy. Sheesh!

Now that's a sweet face, that you can now see. Thanks Lana! What would we do without you?

Now that is a happy and dirty little girl.

Nothing says bliss (well at least to Maggie) like an apple juice slushy from Sonic. The perfect treat after a sweaty play in the sand.

Just a little shot of what I pay for a peaceful shower experience.

Maggie feels unloading the dvd's and videos is a pleasure for me to clean up. But, I guess if it makes it possible for me to shower and get ready, then it's all worth it.

And lastly, we went on a little family outing last Saturday night. Our last little trip out as just the three of us. We went to dinner at Charlestons, and Maggie ate herself silly on Mac n cheese, bread and even some of her Daddy's Steak. I'm dumb and forgot to get a pic with me in it, but that's ok.

Have I mentioned...this girl knows how to EAT!!!
Ok, there you have it. I feel much better having that done. I promise to get back with Max's birth story and pics of his cuteness.
Love to all.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Max Rinear Van Patten

is here!!! He was born 10/20 at 8:14pm. He weighed in at 8 pounds 6 ounces and was 21 inches long. Allyson and Max are both doing really, really well and we're up for visitors as long as you call first - the room is TINY. Just know that no kids under 13 are allowed in the hospital though due to RSV season.

Here's a picture of him and mom and I'll be sure to post more in a bit. . .

Saturday, October 18, 2008

No Baby

Sorry. No baby yet. He's a stubborn ol German like his Great Gramma. Clearly they've been spending too much time together already. Allyson's done everything to get this baby out:

* Castor Oil
* Bouncing on the Exercise Ball
* Squats / Jumping Jacks / Jogging
* More Castor Oil
* The "Natural Way" between Husband & Wife
* Pressure Point Massage on Feet / Hands / Legs
* More Exercise Ball Bouncing
* More Squats / Jumping Jacks / Jogging

NOTHING is getting this baby out! So, we have an apointment at noon on Monday to have her induced if he's still resisting the birthing process. I know he's just scared because my Gramma has been telling him all that he's in for having me as a dad and he's now having second thoughts about coming. I can't say that I blame him - I'm just as terrified to have him as he is to have me. But, everyone keeps telling me what a great dad to a boy I'll be so I just keep telling myself that in hopes that sooner as opposed to later I'll start to believe it.

In other news I'd like to make a quick shout out to all my peeps who have send texts, calls, cards, thoughts and prayers my way due to the passing of my schweet Gramma. It was great for me to get to go home for the week and spend time with my family and to have the incredible opportunity to sing "The Old Rugged Cross" at her funeral. It was great to "go home," but it's also great to be back here and have the whole thing behind me now. My Gramma knew that I couldn't come in September because of BLACKBEARD, (check out the cool new website with pics and video clips!) and she couldn't wait too much longer after the show closed because she knew Max was coming so her timing was really perfect. Just goes to show you that I really was her favorite! =)

Well, we're off for another adventure to Costco for a few items and then who knows what this day has in store for us. I'd personally like to take my sweet lady out on the town for a movie/dinner date. We'll see how she feels about that (and hope that Gramma Peg wants to babysit for us).

Peace & Love to all!

Until next time. . .

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Max's New Dresser

Whilst walking through Dana's overburdened garage a couple of weeks ago, I noted there was a perfectly good dresser standing on its side, and I knew it must be mine. Dana kindly said I could have it, and on Tuesday my Daddy and Mommy went and picked it up and brought it to me. I'm irritated because I didn't take a before picture. However, I did take an after picture of the lovely paint job I did, and it's new place in thhe kids room. I'm sooooooo pleased with it. Now we just need to get rid of the computer and put some shelves up on the wall and all will be perfecto. So, with no further ado, my handy work. Please be sufficiently impressed.

Oh, and THANKS Dana for the free dresser, I'm so happy. Thanks Shane for helping me carry it in and for screwing the knobs back on.

Do you LOVE it?

Just a couple of other shots o' the bedroom. I need to get Max's name made, but I haven't got that far.

Happy reading. I'll save Maggies first haircut post for tomorrow. That is if I'm NOT having a baby. hehehehe

Riddle me This

Ok, here is the million dollar question...What do you get when you cross this:

One VERY 9 month pregnant woman

and one very unassuming, yet evil stoop

Do you give up? Well, wait no longer, because the answer is here. What you get when said things collide is this...

A charming stay for the afternoon in the maternity triage at the hospital.

And then there is the cut open eye, which looks rather miniscule in this picture, but which bled and is bruised and hurts like a B. My glasses broke too, which is super sucky.This is trying to show you I sprained my pinky. Well, actually my whole left hand and arm. It's actually quite painful.
Just showing off my war badge.

So yeah, what happened is this...I was happily painting a dresser (which is coming in another post) and was done when I decided to clean out the paint tray. First of all, I was a total retard and turned on my ghetto hose too close to the dresser and it shot all over my new painted drawers. D'OH!! So after remedying the sitch, I began to make my way over the stoop to wash out the tray. Apparently, when you're eleventy months pregnant and fat, you don't lift your feet like you should and then you hurtle earthward at a high rate of speed. As "shit" was being hurled from my obscenity spewing mouth, I apparently landed with a thud. The brunt of the fall was taken by my hands, knees and apparently MY FACE! It hurt and I was so mad, because my glasses were thrown off and more importantly, I was in the dirty. I HATE getting dirty. It hurt, and it was scarey. Brooklyn opened the front door, seeing me laying on the ground, crying a little bit and saying shit, she said "what happened you?" I kindly asked her to get me a tissue for the bleeding and to get my glasses. She's nothing if not a great helper and she obliged my requests. After hefting myself up, I went inside and washed up a bit. I called my all wise sister Dana (I always call her, 'cause for some odd reason I think she's the wisest person on earth) and asked her what to do. I wasn't cramping, or bleeding or anything, so she thought I should just rest and make sure the baby was moving. I tried that for a minute or two, and then decided I MUST shower, 'cause I stunk and needed to be ready. Before I got int he shower Jere called out of nowhere and asked how I was. I HAD to tell him, which is always a mistake, 'cause he tends to be a bit dramatical. So, I shower, and low and behold, here he comes through the door. OY! But anyway, I had decided I needed to call the Dr., just in case. So, I called, and they said that protocol is, you must go to the hospital and be monitored for a couple of hours. So, over came Jers Mom and off we went to the hospital. They're quite lovely there at Banner Desert triage, got us right in and me in my lovely gown. They hooked me up to a monitor and his little heart beat was good and strong. I don't know why we had to be there so long, but we were there almost 4 hours. Apparently there were a couple of decellerations in his heartbeat, so we ended up getting an ultrasound. THAT was fun. We got some 3-d pics out of the deal. No worries peeps, looks like he'll have Maggies cute nose AND he's a bit chubbers. It only made us more ready for him to GET HERE! But, he's apparently not so interested in coming just yet. So, 4:00 we were finally released and off we went.

So, don't anyone worry, all is well, baby is fine. I'm a bit banged up and bruised, but I'm fine too. I came home and finished the last of the dresser, made a delicious dinner and enjoyed the evening.

The answer to the riddle is....a spazzy falling preggers.

And the moral of the story is, lift your feet.

Love to all.

Coming Attractions

Ok, all I'm saying is, I have like seriously THREE fat posts to do, and you all should just be sitting around with breathless anticipation for them. So, just know, they are coming, WITH pictures and it will all just be so "exciting." hahaha But for now, I'm just too tired, too lazy and toooooooooooooooo pregnant to write them. But, maybe this evening I'll get on that bandwagon and post away.

Peace out peepers.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Dear commentors

Ok, just to set a thing or two straight.

Dear Dana,
Adams does not count because he is a boy, and not a part of this competition, AND because I have not seen proof of his 117 typing test. So, therefore, he is out.

Dear Tara,
You suck! Just kidders, you clearly do NOT suck, since you "claim" to have 118. Again, I have not seen proof of this, but I am inclined to believe you. I mean, you DO work in a typing environment, and I'm sure you keep your fingers QUITE nimble. But, just in case, you SHOULD post your official results on your blog, so it is 100% believable. hee hee

Yours truly,

(still claiming Queen)

In other news, went to the Dr. on Friday, dilated to a 3 and 75% effaced. This kid is gonna come any time now. Well, I've decided he's coming this weekend, that's when I've invited him. So, hopefully you'll be hearing such exciting things as...He's HERE by about Friday or Saturday. Heaven knows I'm ready to have him out. I need not hear anymore comments about how "large" my stomach has become. Uh yeah, fully aware thanks. Try lugging it around, it's a chore. My back is KILLING me! And ummm, I think I'm detecting a slight case of pregnancy nose, THAT my friends is TRAGIC!! The only upside this last week was, I didn't gain any weight at said Dr. visit. HallafreakinluYA! And THAT was after I'd eaten nearly an entire Texas Sheet cake. Oh yeah, it's true. Lana makes a pretty naughty and divine little sheetcake and I just ate and ate. Good times!!

Saturday night Jere and I had a lovely dinner date with Miz Jenee and our friend Sabes. It was random and last minute, but fun none the less. Guess where we went? Give up? Well we went to California Pizza Kitchen, 'cause I chose it. I TOLD you I've been wanting that bbq chicken salad ever since the last time. It was delish once again and a good time was had by all. After dinner, Jenee needed to run to Wal-Mart to buy a reward for her daughter who found her dads i-pod. I just didn't have shopping in me, so I sent Jere along with her, since he wasn't ready to stop the playing. I went to my Mom's and printed some stuff out for my R.S. lesson and hung out for awhile. Then, I toodled home and went to bed. All in all, a great night.

Well, guess that's all I've got to say for now. Just enjoying nap time, and then I'll be off to the store for my weekly stock up of bananas, and maybe a few other essentials. Have I mentioned how bananas are apparently Maggies "crack". She has one EVERY single morning, it's an essential part of our morning routine. In face, it's one of the 5 words she can actually say. And don't you worry, she can down an entire banana before I can even get the peel thrown away. That girl has some mad skilz.

Love to all.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


Well, since Jenny apparently had NOTHING better to do with her "confrince" time than to work tirelessly to beat my greatness, I needed to shut her down. Sorry sis, but I shall not be conquered for long. I'm pleased to report that I have once A-GAIN stomped you. Oh you silly little earthlings, trying to beat me, queen of planet Typer. Read 'em and weep!

110 words

Speed test

Much love and devotion!


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I got nothin'

I seriously have nothing to talk about, but I just feel like i NEED to write something. How pathetic is that? I'm just sitting here, the girls are napping and I REALLY just want to make guacamole and eat a bowl of it. So, maybe if I type, I'll save my fat butt the calories.

I'm watching Designed to Sell, which I love, especially if it's Lisa LaPorta. Who is with me on this one? what would I do without HGTV, I ask you.

So, Jere made it home safely from Chicago and his Grammas funeral. I must say, it's a relief to have him home in one piece. It was a really good thing for him to be there and get some closure on his Gramma. But, it's even better to have him home, we missed him around here.

Ok, something wierd is going on here with the blog. It looks totally different and my bold option isn't working. HMPH!

So, I went to the Dr. on Friday, I'm 50% effaced adn dilated to a 1. That's exactly what I was with maggie at this point. So, I go again on Friday, we'll see where I am then. I was a couple of weeks early with Maggie, so we'll see what Max brings. I'm not gonna lie, I'm totally unprepared for this. I haven't even thought of setting up his bed, I don't have anything cute for him, I have no diapers, nothing. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I guess I should pull my head out pretty soon. He's kicking the crap out of me and my bladder at the moment, perhaps he senses my lack of preperation.

Anywho, that is what is going on. I get fatter and more miserable, the days pass by WAY to quickly and life marches on.

Peace out.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I am the Champion

Well peeps, do not give me a typing challenge and not expect me to take it. And then don't expect me not to kick your sorry little booties and win it all. Hee hee hee Ok, I kid, well not about beating you, but about your booties being sorry. So, without further ado, I give you my vaunted results. Read them and weep.

103 words

http://speedtest.10-fast-fingers.com">Typing Test

Yours ever so truly,

(the typing queen) Snort

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Because I have to

I have just been too dang lazy to update lately. It's not that I haven't had things I wanted to say, or talk about. I'm just lazy.

Ok, Lana just stopped by for a little visit, and now she's gone, so I can go forward here with this post. First of all, can someone PLEASE tell me why I don't have freaking paragraph breaks in here. I put in the proper spaces, I even indent the allotted 5 spaces, and yet, when all is said and done...I look like a retard. You just have a page all run together and it's annoying. A little help PLEASE!!!

Anywho, I certainly need to write about my LOVELY evening out with the ladies two weeks ago now. And so I shall, with pictures even. Tregoney got a small group of us together to go out for Miz Jenees birthday. We met up at the most delightful and delicious "California Pizza Kitchen." As I've only been there once before, I forgot just how delish this place is. We shared a bbq chicken salad, ceaser salad and a few pizzas. I ordered the BLT, I highly recommend it. Frankly, I've craved that blasted salad and pizza ever since, but due to lack of time, lack of money, and complete lack of desire to EVER deal with parking at the Tempe Market Place, I have not been back to indulge in the deliciousness. Anyway, we had a really lovely time chatting and laughing at dinner. I'm going to favor you with a few pics. Let it be said, that I am MOST disturbed by the fact that I look like I'm at least 40X bigger than everyone in the picture. Why am I such a freaking giantess of a person. I realize that perhaps a little bit of this look can be attributed to the angle of the one picture, but not all. I do forget that I AM 5'10" tall, and of large stature. I just forget that, and then, when you have all midgey friends that are like 5'3" and such, it really points out the facts. Painful. But, I post the pictures none the less. If for no other reason than to prove that I'm not a poser and Miz Jenee really is MY friend. hahahahahahahahahah

Mizz Jenee in all her glory. Isn't she just lovely?

The ladies who Lu...I mean Dinner. Tregoney, Melody, Jenee and Nancy.

And seriously, there's me, ALLLL of me. I think I'm bigger than the table even. Oh this is depressing.

Speaking of, you'll all be glad to know that I am now wearing my gouchos at least 3 times a week. Oh yes, it's true, and I don't care. I've even taken to wearing Jeres old workshop t-shirts, 'cause they're big and fit over my heft. Good times, GOOD TIMES!!

Anyway, after dinner, we waddled our way over to the movie theatre and watched "The Women." I thought it was cute enough, didn't LOVE it, but liked it a lot. It was just fun to be at the movies with friends. In the last year, I've been to the movies literally 2 times. So yeah, it was a really lovely evening had by all. Thanks girls.

In an effort to avoid making a THIRD post in one day, I'll just say that Blackbeard is now over and Jere is sad. We're glad to have him back, he's glad to have his life back, but he truly loved the experience. He loved the cast so much, and is missing them. The show was lovely, and I was able to attend closing night and enjoyed it a lot. However, the walk from the parking lot to the theatre nearly did me and my baby in. He apparently is not a fan of me moving any more than I have to these days. My belly was so tight, I'm pretty sure I was contracting. WOW! And then during the show, he was going banoodles! Two different times he did some kung fu move that literally had me jumping out of my seat. It felt like an electrical shock both times, and poor Amy sitting next to me was wondering what the heck was going one with me. But, we got through and all is well. I am gonna have the Dr. go ahead and check me this week, just to see if I'm dilated at all. I mean, I refuse to have this baby for at least another week or so, and I'm not due until after that anyway, but one never knows.

Finally, my little Miss Maggie got sick last week. We had three days of fever for no reason at all, and a fairly high fever at that. She was at 102 at a couple of points. There seemed to be nothing wrong, other than the fever. I'm pretty sure either I have a genius or a junkie on my hands, 'cause she knows where the medicine is, and she would go over to the counter and BEG for it. So, I took her to the Dr. on Friday, she couldn't really see anything too wrong, "maybe" a tiny bit of an ear infection. So, she prescribed an anti-biotic and off we went. Saturday night she spent the night at Grandma Shumways so I could enjoy Blackbeard and then we could go out afterward. So, when I went to pick her up Sunday morning, she was all red and splotchy everywhere. She proceeded to gain this rash all over her torso and face that lasted until Monday night. I looked it up, pretty sure she had roseola, which if you're wondering is the most benign "sickness" ever. And now, she's just a-ok. The nice thing about Maggie is, even with a fever and not feeling good, she was soo sweet and still always slept all through the night. I love her, I really do. I've decided i need to cherish every last moment I can with her in the next couple of weeks, since life will change so drastically after that. I need her to know how much I love her, so when she's feeling left out with the baby, I can remind her. Ugh! I'm so nervous.

Ok, I really must go, time is getting away, and soon enough students will be arriving.


Remembering Gramma Van Patten

Gramma Hazel Van Patten
12-26-15 to 9-29-08
This has been a tough week for Jere, as his sweet, most beloved and cherished person on the planet, his Gramma, finally succumbed to all her health problems. She was 93 years old, and her death had been awhile in coming, but it still has been very hard on him. She passed away peacefully on Monday afternoon, which frankly is such a blessing. However, it's hard for him to see it that way, because now it's final.
Gramma was his everything. I believe she is truly the ONE person in this world (next to me and Maggie) that he REALLY loves with all his heart, unconditionally. She pretty much raised him. She is someone he respected, trusted and believed in more than anyone else. When we first started dating, I knew things were really progressing when he started saying...."love you more than my Gramma." It was sort of a joke, but also sort of true. A real indicator of where his heart was. He has long said that when she died, he would be suicidal. Thankfully, he has had some time to know this was coming, and he had a really wonderful conversation with her about a month ago, before she went into the hospital that was a nice closure for him. However, he's still struggling.
She was a great lady, and we will miss her.
I dropped Jere off at the airport this morning, he'll be in Antioch until Monday. The funeral is Saturday, and he will be singing "The Old Rugged Cross" at her service. It was one of her favorite songs, and he feels it's one thing he can do for her. Here's to hoping he's able to get throug it. We're gonna miss him while he's gone, hope he hurries home.
Until we meet again Gramma!