Monday, November 23, 2009

Vampires be damned - or - Who needs Edward Cullen?

Ok friends, it's time to discuss an important that is sort of embarrassing, but must be addressed none the less. You see, I have this problem and that skin is RETARDEDLY sensitive. Sensitive in the sense that if you LOOK at it and think about leaving a mark, you will. I gave up my Miss America dreams LONG ago due to the many and varied scars, marks, scrapes and otherwise less than perfect looks I've acquired. This same problem especially applies to moments like this:

Someone MIGHT be playing around, or they MIGHT mean it. Whatever the case...

If Edward Cullen came a creepin my way, I'd be in mightly big trouble. Because regular Jere came creepin my way last night in a moment of "naughtiness" (I'm fully aware that that is an image noone wanted nor needed, but HEY, the Chubbingtons enjoy a good romp now and then too, 'cause babies got to come from somewhere). And THIS is the result:

Do you SEE that? Can you even STAND it? A Hickey! A FREAKING HICKEY! And not just a wee little bite, but a ridiculously huge, you can see it from the Moon, it's the size of TEXAS Hickey. Honestly, this is so embarrassing. I fully believe that nothing is more classless than hickeys (well, don't get me wrong, a well placed, out of view for the world to see hickey is JUST fine). Nothing says, hey I'm a trashy who-er MORE than a big fat on my neck for all the world to see HICKEY! When I woke up this morning and stumbled into the bathroom and was hit with this site, I let out a scream and told Jere I hated him and he must now die. Seriously, he knows FULL well that I can NOT be messed with in that way. Oh geez, what to do. I tried makeup, but you all KNOW that does nothing. So, instead, I just held my head up high and took my three kids to the Wal-Mart, 'cause that's where skanky, hickey necked who-ers go to shop; and I did my thing.

How about you? What are your thoughts on hickeys? Anyone had one lately?

Vampire bites and housewife ho's,


When Thank You...edited

Ok, OK people you want to see pictures of all these clothes, but here is the deal. I only look good from the boobs up, let's be honest. AND, I sort of forgot to take pics of most of them while they were still sparkly and new. AND I thought I was so clever and I found pics of them online and saved them, but something happened and now none of them will show up. SO, what I'm trying to say is, sorry, but the pickins are slim. I've got a couple of shots and I do promise that I WILL take a pic in the fabo dress and post that one of these days. Until then, these will have to suffice.

I TOLD you so. Maggs was QUITE enamored of these fun new shoes. Aren't they cute? I sort of wear them all the time now. Who knew.
She's turned a corner on smiling for the camera. Never mind that she's all squishy faced about it. At least she WANTS to smile.

Purple ruffle front shirt and new jeans. If I could just lop off the belly, all would be well in the world. Snort, that's a lie. I'd need to lop off the arm fat, fill and lift the boobs, tuck the legs, oh it could go on for days.

This is the grey shirt, also bought in orange. Note the cute ruffle collar.

I am highly in love with this shirt...flattering and comfortable. It's part knit, part cotton, totally strange, and yet it works.
Ok all, hope that satisfies you for now.
Bellies and butts,

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

When Thank You is not NEARLY enough...

Sunday night, November 8 was going along normally as could be, until the phone rang. It was Lana...she informed me that I would be being kidnapped the following Saturday, so here was my heads up to make sure I wasn't busy and had babysitting procured. That's all that was said...a very quick and non-informative phone call. Why then, after hanging up with her did I just start bawling? My sis-in-law Julie couldn't figure it out. I couldn't put my finger on it totally. All I knew was, at those words: "You're being kidnapped by all of us girls..." I felt slightly sad. As if I truly was the tragic charity case of this family after all. I had NO idea what was planned, though I speculated perhaps a day of pedis and fun hanging out with the girls. Anyway, after my initial cry fest, I got over it and moved on. I couldn't dwell on it, or think about it, 'cause I might get emotional.

Saturday came, we all met up at my Moms house (minus Jodi, she couldn't be there) and I still had no idea what the plan was. The girls were all whispering in the foyer as I walked by. I said "do you need me to leave?" They responded..."no. Ok, here is what today is. It's not what NOT to wear, it's what you're gonna wear next." We are taking you to all these stores and buying you new clothes." Enter stunned silence from me, and then some smart remark about how bad I must look and then we were off.

We went to The Avenue, really one of my favorite fat chick stores. They have awesome sales and bargains. It was so fun to wander through and pick stuff out. Everyone was grabbing things for me to try on, and you know everyone has different taste. But hey, at this point, I was willing to try on anything, 'cause this was fun. The first thing they made/convinced me to get was a pair of rather sassy, metallic bronze slides. Lana got herself a pair too. Sooooo NOT my style, but as mentioned in a previous post, I don't really have shoes or shoe style, so who was I to fight the pros? Ok, so after literally picking up half the store, we ALL fit into the big dressing room on the end and I proceeded to bless the ladies in all my half naked glory. I tried on shirt after shirt after shirt, and pants and sweaters. Everyone was soooo fun, and complimentary and funny and kind. When that was said and done, we headed out to pay. Except the jewelry reached out and grabbed us all. Lana got a pair of sunglasses for .97 cents, and then Dixie, Jenny and I all bought the same necklace (Jenny bought like 4 necklaces, but who is counting?). At the point where they were paying, I felt a BIT awkward so I wandered to the front of the store and stumbled upon the CUTEST sweater EVER! I pulled it off the manequin, as it was the last of its kind. I walked up front to the ladies and it was determined I MUST have it. So, 7 shirts, a pair of jeans, 2 sweaters, a necklace and a pair of shoes later we left that store. After that we went to Kohls where 2 more pair of pants were bought. Then on to DressBarn, where Lana says she has a moral objection to shopping because BARN is in the title. However, I got the most GORGEOUS dress EVER! I have not been this excited about a dress in a long, LONG time. Dresses are hard to find, most especially that have sleeves. Oh my gosh, it's sooooo pretty. Squeee!

All in all, it was a LONG afternoon (keep in mind, I am NOT a shopper) of shopping, trying on, walking, visiting, laughing, and having fun. It truly was a PERFECT day. I was with my favorite women in the world, I was being given a most incredible gift and it was awesome! Throughout the day I was very UNemotional about it all, and I know that was because if I thought about it, or let myself, I would have cried the whole time. Instead, I had a blast, and then cried later.

Why was I crying?

Because THESE women are the GREATEST, most loving and giving people on the planet. I could really devote a whole post about Lana and all she does/has done for me in the "giving" department. Or on all of them for that matter. As a small sidenote, I rather hate this pic of me, so just try and look at all the other pretties around me. Why was I crying? Because these women gave so selflessly of their time, their money and of their heart to make ME feel better. I could not ask for anything more.

So, what does one even say after being treated so lovingly to an afternoon like this? How do you even BEGIN to thank them properly? Nothing seems like enough. Words certainly aren't enough. I'm including the little e-mail thank you that I lamely attempted, just to try to somehow convey my gratitude and love.

Dear all of you (the greatest sisters, in-law and mother in the world),

(clearing throat) I sit here and truly don't even know where to begin, or what to say. Because, Thank you, does not seem even remotely enough in a moment like this. When Lana called me last Sunday and told me I would be being kidnapped on Saturday, I took it in, told her ok and then we hung up. After hanging up, I just started crying, crying and crying. Julie could not figure out what I had to cry about, since all I said was you all were kidnapping me. But for me, I just felt overwhelmed and a little "sad" that I am a charity case. Now, I know full well that that is NOT how you feel or looked at it. And then it makes me more emotional, because I know it is something that came out of a place of pure love and sisterhood. You all WANT me to be happy and to feel good, and I can NEVer, NEVER thank you enough for loving me so wholly and completely. Anyway, I got over the cry and then just put it out of my mind and accepted whatever it was that was coming my way.

Saturday came and I had NO IDEA what it was that we'd be doing. I thought maybe we were going to get pedicures and just have some sister time hanging out. I never in a million years dreamed that I would be treated to a whole new wardrobe. If I seemed at all detached or ungrateful, I'm super sorry. I was just trying to stand outside of the situation and accept that it was happening to me. But I want you all to know, I am SO happy, and soooooooooooooooooo grateful for what you did. Not only because you were so desirous to do something nice for me, but for giving up your own precious resources, your PRECIOUS time and sharing your excitement. Even if I hadn't got any clothes, I just love spending time with each of you so much that that was worth it in and of itself. (i'm sort of crying like a spaz right now, it's ridiculous) You will never know the depth of my thankfullness. But please, PLEASE know that I am so thankful and that I love you all with all my heart. I am truly the luckiest and most blessed girl in the entire world to be a part of a family that is so loving, caring and giving! Shoot, I'm blessed to be part of a family at all. I only hope that someday (please someday) I will have the opportunity to return this favor to each of you.

I wore the white shirt with my dressy black skirt today and I got so many compliments on how great I looked. And I know that each time I pull out any of these clothes and feel sassy in what I'm wearing, I will also get to have a moment of happy just thinking of our great Saturday together. Thank you for making me feel loved and cared for, thank you for worrying about me and always thinking of me. But mostly, thanks for making me look oh so good!!!!

I love you all so much!


See, Thank You is not NEARLY enough!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Cactus Cutie

Soooo, how was your morning? Mine? Well funny you should ask...mine was ok. It started fabulously enough with a bootcamp class that kicked my literal butt. More like my glutes and quads, but trust me, they were KICKED! Then, I came home to find happy smiling kids ready for me to take them on a walk. After Maggies initial breakdown over the fact that I was not going to allow her to run along side the stroller, but instead "enjoy" a ride in the stroller, we were on our way. It was a stunningly beautiful morning, slightly overcast, breeze in the air (which for the record, Maggie calls "wind-ing" as in, "oh it's winding outside.") and me feeling sweaty and worked out. We took our usual route and as we were walking down one of the streets I may or may not have busted out into a rendition of "Oh what a beautiful morning" from Oklahoma. After my initial solo Maggie turned around and asked what THAT was. I brilliantly replied, "that was Oh what a beautiful morning from Oklahoma" to which she said "ohhhh, sing it again." So there I was, breeze in my face, pushing a stroller belting out Oh what a beautiful morning at 7 in the morning. Hey neighbors. I was sung out and felt it best to perhaps stop at that point. After a minute, I could hear maggie yammering something at me, but wasn't sure what. I believe my mind was wandering to other places. However, upon closer listening, this is what she was saying/yelling to me (I kid you not, this is exactly her words) "MOM, OPEN YOUR MOUTH and SING." And with that, the neighbors were once again blessed to hear my rousing rendition of OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING. At this point we were nearing the end of the line. For whatever reason I decided to go up a street I NEVER walk up and on top of that, chose to walk on a side of the street I don't ever walk on. Who knows, could have been the lovely morning, could have been a momentary lapse of my senses, but whatever the case, it proved to be fateful. About halfway up the street Maggie had turned and was "attacking" Max trying to wrench a toy from his hand. I, being the perveyor of justice that I am stopped in front of the house we were at and worked to put a quick stop to this. As I was yanking the toy back from Maggies hand, and reprimanding her for being such a meany head sister, I felt a little prick on my hip and my mind registered that perhaps I'd bumped the cactus right there. I went to brush my hip off and when I did, I felt a rather SHARP sensation sear into my hand, and then I came up with this:

Yes folks, that is right, I now had a lifesize piece of cactus FULLY stuck to my hand. STUCK! (please don't hate me for being so HAWT in the morning, it IS hard to be me). I thought, ok, I'll just pull it out, no biggy. If you must know, it is a biggy. It was NOT gonna move, AT all. The more you try to pull, the harder it sticks in. So, now I'm in a quandry...I have a cactus stuck to me and two kids and no way to get it out. So, what else would I do....I trotted over to my neighbors at 7:35 a.m and knocked on the door. She peeked out the window, I yelled out, "I'm sorry, but I have a bit of an emergency here." She opened the door, took one look at my new appendage and yanked me inside. Now her kids were all intrigued, Maggie was concerned at my well being, and Max was just happy to crawl around on the floor. While Kat went to retrieve some tweezers, I managed to yank my middle finger free of the barbs, which only made the pain WAYYYY worse for the other two fingers. It was as if i'd pissed the cactus off and it said, 'screw you lady, you get one out, we'll put 4 more in."
Thankfully Kat is a woman after my own heart and grabbed the camera so no blog opportunity could go undone. Or just that posterity should see that I suffered due to their naughty fighting. Or maybe so I could sue the man for having a freaking jumping cactus protruding directly onto a public sidewalk. All i can think is, some poor kid is gonna reallllllly hate their life one of these days if they were to accidentally brush past this. Then again, come to think of it, LOTS of kids have apparently been roaming these neighborhoods for many years and nary a problem. Perhaps I'm the only shmo stupid enough to accomplish this fete.

Pretty awesome 5th finger no? Anyway, it became quite apparent that no amount of pulling or trying to tweeze was going to work. So, I finally suggested that perhaps we should try cutting it off and then deal with the spines.

Thanks to Kat and her delicate surgical skills, I was cut free from the offending cacti and now was ready to pluck the remaing pieces out. (I'm really sad you can't click on these and enlarge them to see all the spines better)

Whilst that may LOOK like a smile on my not fooled, it hurt like a freaking MOTHER! When I'd try to pull it out, it seems like it hung on for dear life and pulled back. Good thing I'm a freaking rock star and can handle pain, 'cause I kicked that cactus' butt.

When all was said and done, I had about 10 little bleeding holes, but that went away quickly. No real damage done, no pain in the hand. Mostly now, just a great story with some fun pics to show that I took on a cactus and WON!
Many, many thanks to Kat for opening her door and willingly working to save my hand from a worser fate. She totally scored some delicious salsa sorta from me for her efforts.
May I end with a little word to the wise: Be thou careful where you walk, for one never knows where a jumping cactus may lurk.
Prickles and pains,

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Reality Rundown

I believe I have mentioned this before; but I may or may NOT be a bit of a reality TV whore (used in the kindest form of course). And I feel the time has come for a little "reality rundown" so I can give some of my thoughts and or opinions on what's goin down this season. Oh, and let it be known I do NOT watch, nor condone CRAP reality, such as "real housewives", Flavor Flav, Bachelor, Rock of Love, Etc. Only quality here people, QUALITY. If I had the time, and or the proclivity to do so, I would have put these in order of my least favorite to my favorite, which it is close to, but not quite. But, before I can EVEN start, I just need to say...I have the MOST painful zit right on the inside tip of my right nostril (this WILL be important for posterity to know, don't you think?) . It's awful, it's annoying and mostly, it HURTS! Why must I be tortured with these things? Ok, just had to get that off my chest. Phew. So, with no further thoughts.

Oh, I simply adore this show. Perhaps it's because I live completely vicariously through all these people that actually have it together enough to BUY a house. But really, there is nothing greater than seeing what is out there and available in real estate around this country, and world for tha tmatter. It never ceases to amaze me the CRAP that people deem acceptable, or the amazing stuff that people think isn't "good enough". But my favorite part is to judge them after they've moved in, 'cause I am telling you now I DO judge and, there are a whole lot of people out there without a stitch of taste. It's tragic really.

Uh, what? How did this sneak in to my reality post? Well, it's pretty much the only non-reality show I watch anymore. I love the genius, creepiness, fabulousness of this show. It's funny, it's smart, it's disturbing and so much more. By all means, check it out...Wednesday nights on CBS. Oh, and Shemar Moore is NOT bad on the eyes either. I'm just sayin.

I would call this one a bit of a guilty pleasure, and somehwere toward the bottom of my esteemed list. This season is super annoying with her shorty model search. Hey there Tyra, models are tall, the end. But, if I had to choose one person in this season that I like, it'd be Laura, the backwoods girl from Kentucky. She's cute, ditzy and just really REAL. I could very much do without the rest of them. Tyra drives me to drink, and frankly, I watch this show to see Nigel (hotty) and the photo shoots, 'cause it never ceases to amaze me what can be done with make up and hair. Ugly girls can look pretty, enough said.

Oh how I adore this show. No really, I ADORE this show. You'd think I was a foody or something, which I'm totally not. But man, there is something so addicting about watching these people come up with ridiculous things to make out of nothing. I really love Kevin, the chubby, bearded guy this season. He's just cute and amazingly good. The Votaglio brothers are, for lack of a better term, total douches, and yet extremely talented. I know they're keeping the drama factor up, which makes for good TV, but honestly, I don't even WANT to know what kind of freakish home life they had to make them such, sulky, non-communicative, hateful brothers. OY!

What is NOT to love about Tim Gun saying "make it work."? I mean, in the grand scheme of you ever listen to his "assessments" in the workroom. Either they edit out all his real stuff, or he just really says NOTHING. But, overall I really adore this show. Again, I'm fascinated by the genius of peoples minds. I'm fairly certain that if someone said, you have 30 minutes to come up with a ball gown made out of items found in the grocery store, I'd get absolutely nothin. I have not a "creative" bone in my body. In the sense of, I don't hear music or write it, I don't see dresses or clothes, I couldn't make up a recipe to save my life, etc. So, I have utmost respect for these people. Well, except for Meana Irena, she is really super mean, catty and well, bitchy. I want her to swallow draino. What? She's really awful.

When Trading Spaces first began lo those many years ago, I truly adored Ty in all his forever 12 year oldness. But now, with his own show and his ego, he bugs the living hell out of me. In truth, I record this show and then only watch the very beginning to find out about the family, and then fast forward to the very end to see the finished house. They do beautiful things here, although I think they make all the houses too big and therefore impossible for these poor families to pay for the upkeep. Really, I don't believe anyone needs a house bigger than 3000 sq. ft. MAX. After that, it just gets retardedly expensive to heat/cool, etc.

I guess I was a secret dancer at heart. I mean, I suck so bad at it that I love watching it because I wish I could do it. For me, no season has EVER touched the Stacey keebler, Drew Lachey year, that was genius. But this season, meh. I mean people, I know I'm s'posed to love Donny Osmond 'cause he's my Mormon homeboy, but seriously. I have always found him to be so super cheesey that he grates on me. I'm not saying that he's not doing a good job dancing, and he's not a good showman, 'cause he is. But his interaction with the judges and his interviews, UGH! Maya is good, but I just don't care. Aaron Carter is ok, but I freaking hate his partner so much that I don't care. And, all my favorite hotty guy dancers have been eliminated. Maksim is HOT...and gone. Tony Dabiloni, HOT and sweet and GONE! Mark Ballas, just really, really fun to watch, and gone. Good thing Louie is around, 'cause I've always loved him. But then what am I left with, Derek freaking Hough. I hate his smarmy lame butt! So yeah, overall, I'm not so in love with this season.

Oh how I genuinely HEART this show. It never ceases to amaze me what choreographers can come up with. There have been moments of sheer genius along the way. However, this fall far.....not so much. I can NOT stand that Mollee chick, Hate, HATE the married ballroom dancers. I hate them mostly because they feel 100% phoney to me. I don't believe in them or their marriage at all. I DO love Russell the Krumper though. I find him amazing with his complete lack of training and how awesome he does. Haven't loved any of the dances especially. Though I'm always a fan of Bollywood, those dances are always great.
However, there is one person who has NEVER let me down. From the first moments of Rama Lama Bang bang three years ago, I was in love. Wade Robson (pictured above left) is totally my boyfriend. That man is a mad genius. The stuff he comes up with is RIDICULOUS and wierd and amazing. So, last weeks show, he did the starry night dance, and frankly, due to the fact that i'm in love with him, I quite enjoyed the dance. I want him to choreograph every.single.week. And, then I want to look at him and all his cute manliness! But anyway, again, as far as this season goes, so far, sort of snoozey. I'm hoping it picks up here in the next couple of weeks. Do you think they rushed us, since we just finished a season in July? I mean, we all waited breathlessly for a YEAR for it to come back. Maybe now, rushing us into a new season, we're too jaded. I don't know.

What can I possibly say about this show? I could do without all the jibber jabber, just show me workouts and weigh ins, but overall, I just adore it. I love, loved Abby and was sad to see her go, but she is an aamazing woman. I like Shay, she reminds me so much of my friend Traci, who so totally should have been in this cast!!! But, I don't feel like Shay loses enough weight for her size, and that bugs me. I really like Rudy, i like him A LOT!! That man is a total crazy machine. Could totally do without the pink shirt girls. I mean really, if you don't weigh like 300 lbs., then just go away. They're too "small" in my opinion to have been on there. And finally, thank the heavenly stars above that the freak show Tracey is GONE! Her and her crazy eyes were seriously making me lose my mind! Though grudginly I will say, she looke really great in her "after" video.

Oh Amazing Race, be still my always have and ever will be my favorite of all reality TV (well except that unfortunate misstep called the family edition, ugh, that was bad). I have loved you since Season 2 (tragically missed 1) when Ken and Gerard stole my heart. The action is intense, sometimes I literally hold my breath in fear. The roadblocks ridiculous or insane. Some GREAT characters have come into my living room that made me laugh, and or lose my mind. I will forever and ever say "Oh Meredith, we got a Baaad elephant" and it makes me giggle. If you don't watch this show, I'm just gonna say it, you're a dumbhead nong nong. You are missing OUT!! So this season, the only team I realllly love are the globe trotters. They crack me up and they're not drama. I wanted to slap that stupid Micah for seriously LOSING the race because she refused to go down a FREAKING water slide. Are you KIDDING ME? A WATER SLIDE! I totally get being traumatized and or refusing to jump off a 700 ft. bridge over a craggy creek on a bungee cord. THAT I could see walking away from the race on. But really, a WATER slide? Did I mention that this fully adult woman also was wearing floaties? Yeah, for reals people, why are you signing up to do the race if you're not willing to swim, or eat gross things? You KNOW you're in for insane adventure....get over yourself. But, other than that, this has been fairly low drama, and for that I am grateful. I'd just like to thank Bertram Van Munster (so totally his name) for creating this show and bringing it back season after season! I lerve it ever so much!
Well, I guess that wraps up my Reality Rundown. Hope you feel slightly more informed as to what is out there and how I feel about it. You at least know what occupies my DVR and my evening hours. Though to be perfectly honest, i seem to be getting a bit more complacent in my old age, and lots of these stay on the DVR for a week or 2 before I ever get around to watching them. Seriously, there just seems to be so many other things to do and take care of. But, I really am thankful for their mindless distraction, 'cause sometimes, you just need a good reality break!!
What are your faves? Did I leave any important ones out?
Couches and potatos,

Monday, November 9, 2009

A Tale of Love and Longing

Oh where do I even begin this tale, a tale of an obsessed little girl and her non-obliging mother? I s'pose right here...2 years ago was born unto me a beautiful and perfect little girl. All my hopes and dreams were met when she arrived. She was perfect and tiny and pretty in pink. You know all Moms dream of dressing up their girls like little dolls. She had all the hairbows, the bracelets the pink outfits, frills and lace. There was nary a day that she was without all accessories, including shoes. Would she grow up and love Princesses and nail polish? (on a side note, she DOES love nail polish and insisted this morning on having her toes done to match her fingernails) Would she adore pretty dresses and shoes? Or would she throw down and want to only wear pants and baseball hats? It was a gamble, only time would tell.

Well peeps, time has told and she is ALL things princess and pink. And MOST ESPECIALLY all about shoes!

This is a perfect representation of Maggie. Do you remember the post on the pink sparkly shoes. They were the answer to all lifes problems for her last year. But don't worry, she is not a shoe discriminator. She will wear any shoes, none are too shabby, too big or too ugly, she will wear all shoes if allowed.
In fact, she can often be found like this. The moment we walk into anyones house, she takes her shoes off and immediately puts on any other pair she sees laying around. At Jenee P's, Maggie will immediately head for Livy and Syds closet and start rummaging through shoes, purses, etc. She just really, really, REALLY loves shoes. I mean, I knew this, but I guess I didn't realize the full extent, nor do I understand it. See, I am a total shoe loser. I come from a shoe freak of a mother. She has row after row of shoes (Maggies play heaven at grammas) in her closet. She has a shoe of every color, something for every occassion. My older sister is even more obsessed. She could possibly open her own show store with her plethora of footwear. I on the otherhand have about 4 pair to my name. I have one pair of black flip flops, a pair of white flips, some brown sandals and some dressy Sunday shoes. And the tragedy of that list is, ALL of them came from my Mom randomly showing up and saying "I bought these for you." And she bought them because my other pairs were soo ratty she couldn't take it anymore. Now, these pairs are so ratty I'M embarrassed. But, even when I take the time or effort to look, I can never find any that I like, or that aren't heels or that fit. See people, I have ginormous feet. I wear an 11 wide, thank you very much. AND, on top of that, I'm super CHEAP and POOR. So, I think anything over 10 bucks for shoes is way to expensive. You can see my problem, no? Anyway, as I said, shoes are not so much my priority. Hence how I learned this little lessons today. See, today....I took Maggie into a shoe store, for apparently the first time EVER!

I'm pretty sure she died right there and went to HEAVEN. Her literal exclmations were, and I quote; "OH MY GOSH." "OH MY GAWWWWWWSH." "Look Brookie, look at these SHOES." She stood in her aisle literally dying over so many shoes, while I was way over in my aisle literally crying over the lack of choices and the prices. See, I'm TRYING to not be so ratty, but payless refuses to help me out. Anyway, after I realized that there would be NO shoes for me today I headed over to find Maggie and Brooklyn ogling the merchandise. Maggie had plucked a "gorgeous" pair of solid gold shoes. She sat right down, took off her flips (stolen from jenee P's and 4 sizes to big) and put those shoes on. She was so happy. But at this point, i was ready to leave, Max was unruly, I had no shoes and it was time. Trying to get her out of the store proved to be rather difficult. Because then she really, really, REALLY needed to try on the sparkly pink princess shoes, and she was quite enamored by the shiny black patent leather sunday shoes, which she told me "I NEED to carry these Mom." And just as we'd make a step or two of progress, some other gorgeous pair would catch her eye. Finally, after many threats and attempts to leave, the screaming commenced. She was NOT ready to leave this utopia. No siree BOB! Hence the uncomfortable moment where I had to "escort" her out by carrying her one armed, kicking and screaming, Max on the other hip, out the door. Needless to say...lesson learned. We SHANT be visiting a shoe store anytime soon, as it'll only lead to heartache and disappointment on her part. Guess she'll have to start working sooner than she thought to feed that little shoe fetish of hers. 'Cause goodness knows this clueless, shoeless mama ain't gonna do it.
Sparkles and Woes,

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Bows and Boo boos

It's Saturday night, and frankly, I didn't know what to do with myself. It was wierd. 6:00 rolled around, Jere was at work, Julie went off to the hospital and it was me and the kidlets. All I could think was...."what now?" Normally I'm just fine with sitting at home and doing nothing. But for some reason, I couldn't face it tonight. My DVR is FULL of all my reality goodies that NEED me to watch them, my kitchen is a mess, my bedroom is reprehensible, there was much to do, but NOT tonight. I felt like my kids needed to get out and play somewhere else. So, what did I do? I drove over to my sisters house and sat on her bed whilst she went through her entire closet and weeded out all her too big clothes. Seriously, she looks amazing, but it makes me sad that one, she has SO MANY FREAKING clothes, and two that they're all too big, and I just feel fat, fat, fatty. But, that's neither here nor there. Point is, I sat on the bed, expressed my opinions on clothes and my kids played happily for an hour or so. By the end Max was D-O-N-E, DONE! I loaded up the screaming kids, and headed out. The whole drive home Maggie kept saying.."Allyson (yes she INSISTS on calling me by that these days) I'm so tiiiiiired, I want my nummy and night night." Max just screamed at the top of his lungs, which being translated meant, "I'm soooooo tired you rude woman, take me home and give me my night night." Don't worry, I totally know how to speak Max. Oh brother, this is really a lot of dumb exposition to simply say, I didn't know what to do with myself, and now I still don't, so I'm doing an entry on truly nothing. I have so many pictures that I take and then don't use, or mean to use, etc. So, here goes BOWS:

One morning I looked up and these silly girls looked like this. They had taken all of Brooklyns bows out of her bag and decorated up their heads. Maggies made almost a perfect hat, and it cracked me up. In this picture I was TRYING to direct them to pose a certain way. Unfortunately, modeling is NOT in these girls future. They have no ability to follow my brilliant direction. Good thing they're cute.

In other news....if you didn't already know....Jeres Mom is in the hospital after what can only be described as a TRAGIC accident of epic proportions. It seems that she was innocently trying to go to breakfast last Sunday when gravity had different plans. She began to lose her balance on a step and in the shortest explanation possible, she caught air and landed at the curb, in the process fracturing her left wrist, breaking her right shoulder, spraining her knee and bruising all her ribs. The break was severe enough that she required shoulder replacement surgery. She's still in the hospital and will be for awhile. And when they finally release her, she'll be released to a nursing home for rehab, which will probably be at least 2 months. It's a nightmare really, in so many ways. But, the good news is, she came through the surgery and she seems to be doing fairly well, other than the fact that she doesn't breathe (rib pain) and is on constant oxygen. Sooooooo, the other day we got the kids together and had them make her some get well cards. It was actually a fun, sweet little project to do. It made me realize that I really should spend a little more hands on time with my kids, it really means a lot to them.

Jere is asking Maggie what she wants to say on the card here. It went a little something like this: "Get better soon. I love you. Get better gramma. I love you lot gramma Peg."

Max is signing his card for Gramma. It was so cute; When he wasn't eating the crayon that is.

Working hard on their drawings, and loving words. Needless to say Gramma loved her get well cards.
Ribbons and arm braces,

A Plea, if you will...

Ok, people, I NEED HELP! I can not take my blog background for one more second! I seriously need someone to come over and help me make mine even remotely as cute as yours. How can I put a pic up as my header? How can I change it all without losing any of my stuff. I tried to change it once and it didn't work and was disastrous. But seriously, Julie called me out months ago about my ugly blog. So, hey come to think of it, Julie, come to think of it, yours is pretty cute, COME HELP ME if you're so insulted by my hideousness!

My clever wit can only get me so far don't ya know.

Anyway, I'm NOT kidding! Me, NEED HELP, STAT!

Yours ever so gratefully,


Friday, November 6, 2009

The Pumpkin Patch and some more Halloween wrap up

So, I feel a little lied to, a bit let down if you will, and here is why:
Last year, after reading everyones blogs about how they took their kids to the pumpkin patch and it was fun, etc. It looked fun, it looked like a great time was there to be had by all (trickery and lies). So I promised myself, and therefore my children that I would be the good Mommy this year and take them to the land o' the pumpkins. Frankly, I'd completely forgotten about it until one day late in October I happened to drive by Mother Nature's Farm and went..."CRAP, pumpkin patch, kids, must go." I was determined to make this happen dangit, my kids would get their great pumpkin adventure or else. So, I mentioned it to Lana and made a date. The Friday arrived and by this time I'd turned it into a sister party. All were on board to come, except Jenny, since she was at work. I DID invite Troy to bring Brooklyn, but his lazy kiester refused. Anyway, day of "the patch" arrived and wouldn't you know, it happened to be one of Maggies be awake all night days. Needless to say she was a bit of a BEAST all morning long. Jere finally put her in bed, in a time out and OF COURSE she fell dead asleep just about 10 minutes before we needed to leave. UGH! But, I had already invited everyone, plans were made, lunches were made, there were pumpkins to be had. So, I sadly had to awaken miss thang and take her on our "great adventure". She was none to pleased, as you can imagine. And, to top it all off, it was FREAKING hot that day too. Oh well, we were gonna GO to the Pumpkin Patch dammit, 'cause I SWORE that I would. So, off we went.

Dixie and I were the first to arrive, so we took pics. Sorry to the rest of you suckers. Maggie, Morgan, Max and Owen. Pretty cute little foursome.

A sort of shot of our "hay ride". Now, I ask you...does a hay ride only consist of putting bales of hay on the back of a truck? 'Cause I'm telling you this, next year, I'll just throw some in the back of my dads truck and drive around the neighborhood. It'd be FAR better than this travesty of a "ride" where the scenery was garbage, mud and industrial parks. SERIOUSLY. Also, at this time Maggie was having a meltdown because I wouldn't let her go on the jumpy thing.

Max really, really, REALLY loved his pumpkin. He held it oh so carefully the whole time. I let Maggie pick it out for him. HEY, if he'd just stop refusing to walk, he'd get to pick out his own darn pumpkin.

Maggie showing off her pumpkin find. She ultimately picked a good one, but there were a few scarey first choices along the way.

Be sure to click on this one and really look at her face. She was Pessed (subbing the I there) that she couldn't get on the jumpy thing RIGHT THAT SECOND! Luckily, one hay ride and pumpkin find later, she was ok. Oh, and WHAT was the sorry excuse for a petting zoo? I don't know, i guess perhaps I'm just a crotchety old bag, but I expected a bit more out of this experience than I got. I think it's safe to say I shant be returning and forkiing over 7 bucks again next year. For that kind of cash, i'll just buy the kids a few big pumpkins, throw them in the backyard and let them "pick" them there. Oh, and the aforementioned drive around my parents neighborhood in grampas truck of course. I'm just sayin.
A week or so later it was time for the preschool Halloween party. I'm here to tell you Miss Ranelle does it up RIGHT! She does not mess around; there were jumpies and cotton candy, and snow cones and cookie decorating and booths to play games, etc. It was really quite the set up.

Here are the five kiddos of our fam that all get to go to preschool together every week. How fun is that. Morgan the spider, Owen the I don't know what, Jayce the Ironman, Dane the fantastic four guy and Brooklyn as Belle. Too bad i didn't get a picture with Brooklyn and Maggie together, as they are the most princessy princesses EVER! On an unrelated note, I might just shoot myself if I have to listen to those girls and their crazy girl hormones battle and fight one second longer. OY!

Brooklyn all dressed and ready to go. Not gonna lie, not my best hair and make up day for her. But, at least we got it done.

Showing off her finished cookie product. She may or may NOT have dumped the ENTIRE thing of orange sugar sprinkle all over her cookie and plate. OOPS!

I just got a kick out of her cotton candy beard. Directly after tasting this and me taking this pic, she declared it was disgusting and she didn't like cotton candy. Unbelievable! I love that stuff, I really do.

I caught Maggie at the cookie table, helping herself to some delicious cookie contraband. I have a little sugar fiend on my hands. Since Halloween we have two issues. One, she tells me EVERY DAY that she's "gonna be cinderella". Apparently the memo has not sunk in that Halloween is over. Her Cinderella days are over. And secondly, she generally begins each morning with a request for a sucker. And when she's feeling especially forward, she'll get the bucket herself and tell me she's gonna HAVE a sucker. Luckily, she has no desire or recollection that she got a bucket of candy of her own and has never asked for that. So, we'll stick with dum dums for now.
All in all, the "fall" (snort, as if you can call it that here) Halloween season was a success for my kids. And for that, I'm grateful.
Pumpkins and wiggles,

Sunday, November 1, 2009

HALLOWEEN '09 and The er, SHINER!

Ok, let's just get one thing straight...I do not, nor never have I liked Halloween. I think it is a really dumb "holiday" and I find the whole idea of dressing up, ummm, not fun. Now, I will admit, little kids in costume are REALLY cute, and candy is delicious, but still, overall, NOT my favorite holiday. Now Jere on the other hand LOVES Halloween. Then again, he loves ALL holidays (as he is eternally 10). So, I oblige once in awhile, like 2 years ago when I actually dressed up, as a giant dog, and SWEATED like a whore in church. But, I DO have children now, and as mentioned above, kids + costumes = ADORABLE. So, we had costumes, we did our thing, and truth be told, our Halloween turned out just delightful. But I'm gonna tell you WHY it turned out so well. Two words: Cheesecake Factory. It went a little something like this....
Brenda our neighbor and I were chatting on the corner yesterday afternoon, talking about our lack of desire to do anything for Halloween, etc. She mentioned she had giftcards to "the factory" and we should all just go to dinner. Well peeps, do NOT mention Cheesecake and expect me to just forget it. So of course I just couldn't let the thought go. As I was now sitting in her living room and Jere showed up, I said again..."umm, we really should follow through on your suggestion." So, long story short, Brenda, three of her kids, Jere, me and the kids loaded up and headed out to dinner at 4:30ish. We got there and of course it was a walk right in and sit down. We proceeded to have a DELICIOUS Halloween dinner.

Me and Brenda in all our hotness! Speaking of, she's totally hot and needs to find herself a man. Anyone know of someone to hook her up with? Hahahahaha, she's gonna KILL me!

Jer and Brendas kids. That big guy is Chris, fresh off a mish. He needs a cute girl to date, I'm just sayin. So anyway, dinner was great and we headed for home just after six. Of course we were s'posed to swing by the ol' Alma 4th carnival, but honestly, at this point, I didn't even feel like putting the kids in their costumes at all. I thought, ok, we are full and happy, the kids won't know the difference AND they did already dress up once for the ward party on Wednesday. But alas, my conscience won out, AND Gramma Peg was there waiting to see the cuteness. AND, I needed pics to blog with, HELLO! So, we rushed in and I mean, literally THREW them in their costumes, fixed Maggies hair, put on a little make up for her princess look (HER FAVORITE PART). And we were ready.

My pretty, PRETTY Princess Cinderella. She was soo pleased with her makeup. She is seriously obsessed with lippy and well, all makeup actually. She watches me put it on everyday and basically does a play by play for anyone listening. Sometimes Auntie Julie obliges her and puts on a little eyeshadow and lippy while she's doing her own makeup. I fear we're creating a monster.

Seriously, what is NOT to love about this little cowboy? I especially love that the pants were TOTAL highwaters. He refused to ever keep the cowboy hat on, but I promise it was realllllly cute. Also, please note, for histories sake that he is sporting SIZE SIX shoes. SIX people, maggie wears sevens and only went to them mid-summer. I am in SO much trouble here!

The two cutie patooties together, just before we headed out for the trick or treat. I also enjoy the smiling daddy in the background.

Why is this picture so much larger you may be asking yourself. Well, i'm a total moron and forgot to put this picture in until the end. And since I had to move it, and you couldn't click and see it bigger, I just put it in bigger to start. Anywho, this is a little out of order, BUT....on Wednesday night was our ward trunk or treat. The first two trunks FREAKED maggie out, since people were totally cool and decorated them all up and had fog and stuff. She didn't appreciate their efforts. So, she ended up just sitting in Kathleens car with Cody (a totally adorable husband prospect if you askme) and they handed out the candy. She had a GRAND time doing that. And really, how cute are they?

Here they are in their grand carriage, which I'm not gonna lie; it made trick or treating so delightful.

Auntie Julie and Maggie enjoying some lovely outdoor time. That is Gramma Peg in the background. Hope she doesn't hate me for posting this pic. By the way, Gramma brought the most delicious cupcakes over, sinful really. THANKS. AND a belated birthday shout out to her (on the 30th). We are sure grateful for her and all she does for us.

So, in our trick or treating, we had two objectives...visit Gramma Jane and visit Gramma Dar. We may or may not have hit a few more houses, but really, they were our main goals. I love this picture of Gramma Dra. I think she's been dressing like this and sitting on her porch for Halloween for many years. Maggie was in a particularly friendly and happy mood so she chatted it up with EVERYONE and gladly said "trick or treat" or hello or whatever. It was sooo nice! In fact, later that night, while sitting on Julies lap in front of the fire pit, listening to "Thriller" she just kept saying over and over again, "I'm soo happy." "I'm sooo happy Auntie Julie." It was darling.

This is our friend Annie, and we ran into her on the street trick or treating. She was another beautiful Cinderella, one that actually FIT her dress. I had to take a pic of them together. Too bad Maggie decided that a lollipop suck was more important than a beauty shot. Clearly she hasn't mastered the fine art of the paparazzi yet.

Here's a little shot of our set up. Jere, his Mom and Julie (with Chris occassionaly) sat out front and handed out candy. At one point, with Thriller blasting, Jere required people to dance for their candy. It was HILARIOUS. Oh, and in our neighborhood, a couple of the guys from our ward ride their horses through the streets dressed as headless horsemen. It's REALLY cool and adds a little "flare" to the evening.
And FINALLY, I leave you with this shot.
Whilst I was TRYING to actually relax and take a bath, I left Jere in charge of the kids. THIS is what happens (just giving you a hard time Jer, don't get your panties in a twist). I guess Max was trying to walk between one table to another and lost his balance. He came down HARD on the sharp edge of the table and got this delicious little shiner. How appropriate for the day, and I mean, afterall, he WAS a cowboy....that means he's TOUGH! Luckily he's ok, he's pretty tough, thank goodness!
So, in conclusion...Halloween was fun, the kids had a good time, their candy buckets are full, my butt is at least a few lbs. fatter from all the sugar and my neighborhood rocks. The end.
Sugar and shiners,