Thursday, October 16, 2008

Riddle me This

Ok, here is the million dollar question...What do you get when you cross this:

One VERY 9 month pregnant woman

and one very unassuming, yet evil stoop

Do you give up? Well, wait no longer, because the answer is here. What you get when said things collide is this...

A charming stay for the afternoon in the maternity triage at the hospital.

And then there is the cut open eye, which looks rather miniscule in this picture, but which bled and is bruised and hurts like a B. My glasses broke too, which is super sucky.This is trying to show you I sprained my pinky. Well, actually my whole left hand and arm. It's actually quite painful.
Just showing off my war badge.

So yeah, what happened is this...I was happily painting a dresser (which is coming in another post) and was done when I decided to clean out the paint tray. First of all, I was a total retard and turned on my ghetto hose too close to the dresser and it shot all over my new painted drawers. D'OH!! So after remedying the sitch, I began to make my way over the stoop to wash out the tray. Apparently, when you're eleventy months pregnant and fat, you don't lift your feet like you should and then you hurtle earthward at a high rate of speed. As "shit" was being hurled from my obscenity spewing mouth, I apparently landed with a thud. The brunt of the fall was taken by my hands, knees and apparently MY FACE! It hurt and I was so mad, because my glasses were thrown off and more importantly, I was in the dirty. I HATE getting dirty. It hurt, and it was scarey. Brooklyn opened the front door, seeing me laying on the ground, crying a little bit and saying shit, she said "what happened you?" I kindly asked her to get me a tissue for the bleeding and to get my glasses. She's nothing if not a great helper and she obliged my requests. After hefting myself up, I went inside and washed up a bit. I called my all wise sister Dana (I always call her, 'cause for some odd reason I think she's the wisest person on earth) and asked her what to do. I wasn't cramping, or bleeding or anything, so she thought I should just rest and make sure the baby was moving. I tried that for a minute or two, and then decided I MUST shower, 'cause I stunk and needed to be ready. Before I got int he shower Jere called out of nowhere and asked how I was. I HAD to tell him, which is always a mistake, 'cause he tends to be a bit dramatical. So, I shower, and low and behold, here he comes through the door. OY! But anyway, I had decided I needed to call the Dr., just in case. So, I called, and they said that protocol is, you must go to the hospital and be monitored for a couple of hours. So, over came Jers Mom and off we went to the hospital. They're quite lovely there at Banner Desert triage, got us right in and me in my lovely gown. They hooked me up to a monitor and his little heart beat was good and strong. I don't know why we had to be there so long, but we were there almost 4 hours. Apparently there were a couple of decellerations in his heartbeat, so we ended up getting an ultrasound. THAT was fun. We got some 3-d pics out of the deal. No worries peeps, looks like he'll have Maggies cute nose AND he's a bit chubbers. It only made us more ready for him to GET HERE! But, he's apparently not so interested in coming just yet. So, 4:00 we were finally released and off we went.

So, don't anyone worry, all is well, baby is fine. I'm a bit banged up and bruised, but I'm fine too. I came home and finished the last of the dresser, made a delicious dinner and enjoyed the evening.

The answer to the riddle is....a spazzy falling preggers.

And the moral of the story is, lift your feet.

Love to all.


Jenn said...

I am glad that you are ok. The dresser looks fabulous. I am never brave enough to paint anything by myself. Good luck with having little Max, I hope everything goes great!
Jenn C.

Andrea said...

That really stinks! They didn't even keep you? I am glad you are ok and just think now you have a story to tell. You realize this is your fault Max not coming out and all. Last week he was not invited and his feelings are hurt. You did it to yourself!

Sabrina Bodine said...

Oh my gosh how scary!!! I am glad all is ok. Hang in there:)

johnson six said...

Things just don't work the same when you're pregnant. I'm glad all is well. I sprained my ankle pretty bad a week or so before Grant was born,and so I hobbled around the hospital when I was in labor. It's not our faults though, it's just all those hormones that make everything all loosey goosey, and away goes the coordination!

Emily Lauren said...

Mcknane talked to Jere while you guys were at the hospital and I was wondering what happened. Yikes- that doesn't sound fun. Good moral to the story though, and I love your retelling of it, ha ha, you're so funny.
Glad to know everyone is okay.

p.s. love the new dresser- great job!

ZippityDoDaw said...

You are an excellent story teller. I want to say hilarious. I also want to say sad and very pitiful faces in those woe is me pics. It is amazing how the aerodynamics shift once a planetary object takes up residence in your uterus! Lucky you on the pictures, glad he is great! Look forward to further amusing blogposts.