Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Oh no you di'int......

Right, so here's the deal.  June is hideous and I'm it's b*%$@.  I have not had 2 seconds to sit and blog, or read blogs, or breathe, or shower, or whatever.  Between projects at the "new" house, packing up and moving out of the old house, kids workshop daily, etc.  I'm not just a hot mess, I'm a hot TRANNY mess.  I posed this question today....."would it be so wrong to just not wash my hair or do it for the duration, or at least until Sunday?"  This whole getting ready everyday puts a REAL damper on my schedule.  No really, would that be so wrong?  Whatever, moving on.  Here is the REAL reason I'm writing today.

I've decided to go in a completely NEW direction for my living room.  Don't even get me started on the amazeballs chairs I got and the great deal they were.  Can't WAIT until i figure out how to recover them and paint them and show them to you all.  So anyway, new direction.  Therefore I need some ideas.  So I've spent a little time on the ol' internet looking at some decorating.  Following is my list of some serious missteps I found along the way.  Makes me wonder what the hee haw people are thinking.

FIRST: (Do keep in mind these are pictures from CURRENT design magazines.  these are NOT from, oh, the 70's.)

Oh no you di'int..........

What?  Just WHAT happened here?  So the designer said..."I've GOT IT.  A GIANT fan."  Perfection.  Who does that? And really, just everything in this room is fug.  And looking at this picture depresses me.  Like LITERALLY makes me feel depressed. My eyeballs may have bled a little on this.

Well, until I saw this gem that is.
This deserves a WTF?
Green is something that should be used in moderation people.  Not punch you in the face.

Right.  Also in need of a punch in the face is the douchey designer who says..."you know what looks awesome?  A huge, unruly stack of books, just laying all over the floor or coffee table."  WHO thinks this is ok?  It is NOT!  You know what happens with a ridiculous stack of books?  I'll tell you.  They get covered in thick layers of dust.  And that's because, NOONE wants to move all the damn books to dust them.  Or, they get thrown, stepped on and ripped by toddler terrors.  SUCH a BAD idea.

Hey, you know what this room is missing?....
a GIANT picture of a bird.  Oh wait.  GOT IT!  And can we even talk about the fireplace surround?  What's happening.  Dogs chasing eachother?  Llamas?  Help me.  Oh, and wait....there's that ridiculous stack of books again.
The only good thing...I like the chairs.  Well, IF they had actual covering on them.  White should NOT be allowed as a choice.  Doesn't anyone spill?

Mary Kay called and she's PISSED you stole her living room.
I have one word for you......NO!
Wait, I have more words:
Pink shoud NEVER be an option on any wall, in any room of your home.

What stands out here?
Trying to figure out the posing for THAT picture over the fireplace.
You know what Alice, you sit sideways and look at a book.  Meredith you stand straight on, arms folded, oh and Ethel, you know what would be fantastic....YOU stand naked.  Makes TOTAL sense in the scheme of things.
And don't you think she woulda questioned the painter even a little bit?
What the hell?

And finally....
I HATE rattan.  I don't understand it in anyway as a furniture choice.  I don't trust it.  I don't want to sit on it, and I most certainly don't want it as my living room furniture.

Therefore.....all of THESE designers, whoever they may be are totally FIRED!

Ok, rant over.

In other news, we move on Saturday.
I'm not ready!
Cleaning this house seems to be the most overwhelming thought.  Why do walls collect so much dust and dirt?  And refrigerators gross me out.  I'm tired thinking about it.

Decorator drama and naked nellies,



LadyCarma said...

Allison, maybe you could tell us how you really feel! I so agree with you about all the "designer rooms". Nothing is more appealing to me than a clean uncluttered room, with comfortable seating, some color here and there, etc. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Thanks for sharing and good luck with the move.

Chandler DeWitt said...

so because you and me BOTH know that i redonkulous style, i know i should come decorate your house.. JK totally kidding! but Seriously, if you need help painting, (ya know your Pink, Green, or hey why not black family room!) Im your girl! xoxo -Chan

The Atomic Mom said...

Oh my freaking HECK!! That was the funniest thing you have ever written, EVER!

As for your hair, you could always just wrap it in TP every night like our grandmothers used to do, back when you went to the beauty-saloon once a week.

Thank you for the laugh, I love you.

Kristina P. said...

Rattan is like the Mario Lopez of furniture.

I actually sort of like the books in the coffee table. I wonder if it would look as classy with US Weeklys?

Tara LaRue said...

Have you ever visited pinterest.com? It's a fascinating site of just pictures of cool things people see on the web. It's highly addicting and I've found some really cool stuff that I'd love to try on there. Let me know what you think...

Eve said...

Although I agree that none of those rooms are quite right and that several of them are WAAAY overkill, I did enjoy certain aspects of each one.
Overall though, I appreciate a nice, simple room with plenty of light and furniture that invites you to use it. ;)

The Scotts said...

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness!! I needed that!! And WHAT is that painting?!?! Maybe it's polygamy wives and their roles??

alison said...

you are a hoot and a half! and what IS the deal with rattan??? i mean, i can almost understand it as deck decor....and i can even put up with it in a becah cottage. but otherwise? has no place in an actual home! as for showers and hair washing....TOTALLY overrated! rock you some bed head girl!

Amanda said...

I'm dying here... laughing so hard! WTH were they thinking... totally loved the wall art comments... HILARIOUS! good luck with your move.. it's PITA for sure!

Greg and Tammy said...

HIIIII-STERICAL my friend. And I concur. Maybe we should try a picture like the three posed ladies for book club? I'll be the nudey. Unless you're against stretch marks.

Crandell Fam said...

Oh my gosh, seriously? That may have been your most genius post yet. Seriously laughed my butt off. Your comments are crazy funny! :)

WhisperingWriter said...

I'm in the midst of a move so I know how it goes.

That green couch is scary. It looked like Kermit the Frog exploded all over it.

Grace Adams said...

hahaha. Years ago, I had a decorator who wanted to paint my girls' faces on the ceiling of their bathroom so that it looked like they were looking at themselves. My mom's a portrait artist, so I kind of understand how difficult it is to paint faces. All I could think was that this faux finish specialist was going to paint some faces and no one would be able to tell who they were and they would terrify my kids.

I'm all recovered from my May move, and life is good. So hang in there, and don't let anyone talk you into lime green walls!