Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Right...so we abide by a simple rule in our faith, and in our home. 

"Thou shalt not take the Lords name in Vain."

No saying "oh my God" around here.  It makes me cringe, it hurts me.  Of course i've grown up this way, it just is what it is (hence it being a "simple" rule).  So, I'm teaching my children the same thing.  No need to ever say that phrase.  It's offensive.  Equally annoying/offensive or just stupid is the phrase:  OMG.  I HATE it.  It's so irritating.  And my children have picked that one up from their Auntie Julie and or the general stupid public.  So, I'm constantly telling them to not say that, or stop saying it and trying to correct it.  Max has cleverly started to say "OMX" because somehow that isn't annoing.  Silly kid!

Max has NO problems telling complete strangers that they're not s'posed to say that.  In fact, one time at a restraunt, he was doing a little nosey nosing and the girl sitting in the booth behind us uttered that phrase.  He stood up on the seat, pointed at her and said "YOU CAN'T SAY THAT."  She looked confused, not knowing what offense she'd committed.  He then said..."You CAN'T say oh my God." To which she apologized profusely, I giggled and apologized to her for his bossiness and all was well.  Yeah, it sorta defeats the purpose of him not saying it when he always DOES say it to tell on people.  ::sigh:  We'll get there someday.

And as we're all perfectly aware, Maggie has NEVER had an issue just busting out the swears or the inappropriate phrases of life.  Though she always steered clear of the "god" issue.  However, in her old age and maturity, she has learned to keep it all in check.  We simply deal with charming words like Fart, butt and vagina.  Whatever.  Better than dammit, shit and douche I say.


The other night we were on a family outing to Best Buy

  SIDENOTE:  Jere purchased our first ever flat screen telly with his graduation present money from my parentals and his Mom.  We've had the same 22 in. television for 9 years, which incidentally was bought with winnings he got from a karaoke contest.

when Maggie decided that she had to go to the bathroom or death would be emminent!  Off we went in search of the Loo.  Upon our arrival, our nostrils were greeted with a rather unpleasant aroma.  No really, it was pretty offensive.  I tried to ignore it and move onward.  But Maggie was having NONE of that.  Her olfactory nerve was severely O-ffended and she was gonna let the world know
it.  Not ok people, NOT ok to offend Ms. sensitive sniffer.

At first there was just a big exclamation of:

"Ewwww!  It stinks in here!  What IS that smell?"  "Ewwwwwwwww gross!"

grimmaced  smiled and said, I don't know, it's pretty gross though.  She agreed and then wouldn't drop it.

We made our way into a stall, and then her "dramatics" really kicked in.

With flourish and flair she plugged her nostrils and said with increasing intensity...

"Oh my gosh!"
"Oh my Jesus' real Dads name."
just take a moment to process that will ya?

At which point my brain did a flippity flop and kapow, I processed the absurdity of that phrase, chuckled and promptly said......perhaps THAT isn't the best phrase to use.  However, 10 points for creativity.

Seriously....what 4 year old mentally processes the reasoning behind that phrase and just blurts it out on the spur of the moment?  She freaks me out sometimes.

Speaking of freaking, that word "freaking" which shall heretofore be known as the "f" word has also been banned from her vocabulary.  She was wont to use it at every turn and it was getting a bit much.  I mean c'mon...hearing a 4 year old say "I'm so freaking mad." well it just disturbs.  She was using it every chance she got, to the point it didn't even make sense in the sentence.  A stop had to be put to it.  It took one time of her getting soap in her mouth and she's been a regular "lady" ever since.  Now she just says..."oh my gosh, I almost said the "f" word Mom." 
Whatever...I totally get it, I speak like a Mormon sailor.  I clearly need to get my "freaking" and "seriously" habit in check, right next to my dammit that was put on the shelf long ago.  Nothing more eye opening than hearing your kids talk and realizing they're only mirroring you.  Shame spiral commences.

Hmm Hmmm ::clearing throat::, we'll just hope that she can hold on to the innocence of THAT being the "f" word for many more years.

"real names" and stinky loos,



Lene said...

Seriously fell off my chair laughing. You have got your hands full with that little Miss Sassi-frass...like you weren't quite aware of that one!

It's quite shocking that my kidlets have not adopted their mother's frequent usage of "scripture swearing". They get quite offended when I drop a choice word in polite society. I am waiting for them to threaten me with soap in my mouth.

The Atomic Mom said...

Maggie's use of the "f" word is really parallel to how most people use the "F" word, so you're on the right track stearing her clear of it.

Holy cow, though, I'm sure it was all so funny.

Pini said...

"We simply deal with charming words like Fart, butt and vagina. Whatever. Better than dammit, shit and douche I say."...
Holy Crap you never cease to make me laugh! Love this post...and your family! HA!

June said...

The best humour- cannot stop laughing (but on a more serious note - OMG and is also banned in our home, the very saying makes us all cringe) Thank you for sharing.

Julz said...

I love it when kids pull out a Jesus phrase-they never fail to be hysterical.

Holly Decker said...

you are the best. the BEST. i am so busy laughing that i cannot even say anything else. best story ever.