Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Houston.....we have got a problem!

So Max.  He will be 3 on Thursday.  He is beautiful, and adorable, and sweet, and silly and funny, super smart and absolutely the most obstinate, naughty little boy EVER! 

Seriously......some days I'm just at my whits end with him.  Because, if he isn't beating up Maggie in some way, then he's throwing anything and everything he can get his hands on, because in his own words "Mommy, I have to throw, because I have a throwing arm."

If he's not throwing, then he's working on opening something he shouldn't.  Because, again, in his words he has: "magical powers."

If he's not doing that then he's tantruming to an extreme.  Yelling at me, telling me I'm the MEANEST Mommy EVER!  And that might be because I wouldn't let him have a cookie for breakfast, or I didn't allow him to open the garage door, or whatever.

But the biggest issue of late is......his mouth.  He is definitely learning and stretching his verbal skills, daily.  He asks me every day if certain phrases are ok or not.  He really likes to say Freak out, all the time, for everything.  It's funny. Or, what the freak out.  And he also really likes to say crap, A LOT.  Sometimes, I won't lie, it's kinda funny to hear him say, others....not so much.  It amazes me how much he knows and picks up.

Last night he came in to me and said...."Mommy, I can't find my Woody jammies.  I'm....dust-appointed.  I asked, "you're DISappointed?"  And he nodded his head and said "Yeah, I'm DUSTappointed."  Amazing. 

However,  his single biggest current obsession is "what the hell," and "oh my G.O.D" (have NO idea why taht one, as we absolutely NEVER say that here, and find it super offensive).  No matter how many times we talk to him, punish him, discuss, threaten, plead, it doesn't matter.  When we ask WHY he keeps on saying them, even after he gets punishment, he says "because I want to."  But Heaven forbid anyone ELSE say anything along those lines.  He immediately puts them in their place and informs them they are NOT allowed to say that.

Example:  We were sitting at an IHOP (never do that, it was disgusting) eating breakfast.  There was a girl and a guy sitting in the booth behind us.  Max was standing up, playing around when he apparently heard her say "Oh my God."  He turns to her and yells, "You can't say that, you can't say Oh my god."  She was like "uh, I didn't?  Did I? I'm so sorry."  And kept apologizing.  We were dying laughing, and apologizing to her for his verbal policing.  He polices everyone who says stupid, hate, hell, whatever. It's just ok for HIM to say it, because he "wants to."  Heaven help me.

Anywho....the real reason for todays post.  A little something that happened last night.

As you may or may not know, Jere is directing A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To the Forum at MCC.  He's been in tech rehearsals for the last week and 1/2, so I've been taking him dinner every night.  Most of the time the kids come with me and they've seen bits of the show.  Last night I let the kids stay and watch the first act because it was their first run through with full hair/makeup and costumes.  If you know nothing about this show...there are courtesans (hookers if you will) and they are scanticly clad.  To my kids, anyone with any form of skin showing is "NAKED".  So, the girls had been on and off the stage beforehand and apparently Max had taken notice.  In the show, they come out in the opening number and then disappear for a good while.  After watching for a bit Max started saying  "When will the naked girls come out?"  "Where are the naked girls?"  I told them they'd be coming soon, and sure enough, they did.  The moment they were out, he sat with rapt attention and watched.  Their scene was soon over and the show went on.  After another long while, he came to me and said..."WHEN will the naked girls come out?"  "WHERE are the naked girls?"  I told him they were in their house.  "When will they come out of their house?"  I asked "Max, do you love the naked ladies?"  To which he did his best embarassed/flirt face where he shrugs his shoulders up and smiles then said "Yes."

Seriously? My three year old has the hots for the "naked" ladies.  This worries me.
Houston, we definitely have a problem!!

Blindfolds and ear plugs,

Allyson

11 comments:

Tara LaRue said...

Oh my stars, I actually snorted when reading the 2nd to last paragraph. Houston you DEFINITELY have a problem if he's NOT EVEN THREE yet. Hee hee. I'm still chuckling. Seriously. Thanks for sharing my friend!

Eve said...

HAHAHAHA! I want so badly to laugh out loud, but I'm at my husband's office. SIGH. I will probably start laughing randomly this evening when I have the opportunity! What a little stinker!... CUTE little stinker!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I looooove me some Max! Max and his eye for the nekkid ladies!! I haven't had a comparable experience because my boys (unfortunately for them, perhaps) haven't been, um ... exposed to much nudity (outside of, like, me). But I will say that I was surprised when Colin went to Kindergarten and immediately had like five girlfriends. Really?! It seems to happen so early ...

The Wizzle said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kristina P. said...

He reminds me of my favorite in nursery.

Bree Flake said...

haha oh my gosh! I feel like this is a little insight into my near future. And while it is funny now, I'm sure someday I will be writing about how frustrating it is!! Thank you for sharing!!

Stephanie @ dial m for minky said...

I do believe our Max's are brothers. Mine always wants me to take off Smurfette's dress so she can be naked.
It's horrifying.

Amanda said...

oh no.. praying you have another little girl baking up in there!

Wendy said...

Magnificent Max. He sounds like lots of fun when he hasn't exceeded your patience threshold. He is pretty hilarious. Glad you documented these experiences, they change so fast.

Grace Adams said...

That's so freaking awesome! Tell Max happy birthday from a lady who looks really great naked!

And for the record, he shares a birthday with my redheaded niece Kate, who also had a bit of a potty mouth when she was three.

alison said...

i love that kid! "i'm dustappointed"??? oh my...i laughed at that one. and now it's stuck in my head!! and i think that maximus needs a brother to teach his boy ways. like, what's good about having a throwing arm if you can't throw things?!?!