Monday, October 31, 2011

Letters to the Editor 3rd Edition (or something like that)

Well....I was just sitting here on the couch, taking a moment to myself after putting the kids down (for the100th time in the last hour) and was thinking.....ya know, maybe I should write some letters. It could have to do with the fact that I HATE KIM KARDASHIAN, or that the weather makes me grouchy, or whatever.  And so, here goes nothing.

Dear Arizona,

I love you, your mountains, your rivers, your streams.....however A word please.  It is NOT ok that the temp is hovering in the 90's on OCTOBER 31ST.  NOT ok.  Not ok that I nearly broke a sweat in my own house upon arriving  home this afternoon.  Even more irritating is the fact that I had to turn my air on, AGAIN.  If you keep this up for even one more minute, I'm going to have to break up with you.

Unhappily yours,

Sweating in Mesatown

Whilst on the subject.....

Dear Mother Nature,

YOU SUCK!  Why do you think it's even remotely fair to slam the East Coast with snow storms, Utah and beyond with cold and rainy weather, the midwest with fall and leave those of us here in the Southwest to bake into shriveled up pieces of jerky?  Spread the freaking wealth.  I don't see why we couldn't all just enjoy an even 68 degrees of lovliness.  What did we ever do to you?

Sick of your rudeness,

Burnt and bitter in AZ

Dear Americans,

And by Americans, I mean those that buy hook line and sinker into pop culture and force "normal" people like me to be bombarded with the sheer stupidity and annoyingness of Kim Kardashian EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I open my computer.  WHO CARES!  Why does anybody give her, her family or anyone like her more than a nanosecond of thought. They are NOTHING.  They offer nothing.   For the love, at least Paris Hilton had a sex tape and a few horrible acting gigs under her belt (I am mildy embarrassed and pained in my heart that I just in some tiny way defended Paris Hilton).  This Kardashian girl has nothing but a bubble butt and stupidity, and yet, AND YET she gets more freaking media time than Presidential hopefuls.  So she's getting divorced....I DON'T CARE.  Nor am I even remotely surprised.  There is nothing genuine or real about her, or her family.  Attention whores, that is all they are....and stupid Americans feed that, watch their shows, buy their crap and make them richer than they already are.
Please, for the love of all that's good and Holy...........STOP allowing them a platform.  Please don't make me see or hear about them anymore, for I fear I will have to pull my face off and stab pencils in my ears soon.

Disgustedly yours,

"Normal" American

Dear "Real Housewives" of any town or county,

You are neither real, nor housewives!
Moving on!

Dear Biggest Loser,

Anna Kournakova?  REALLY? Snore.   Tragic misstep.
Dolvette.....why thank you, thank you very much for THAT eye candy.



Dear Maggie,

You're only four, WHY must you act like your 14 and question every.single.thing I say or do?  It's disconcerting at best, and it freaks me out for the future.  And also, when you roll your eyes at me and flair your nostrils, it only makes me want to WIN more.  Just sayin.

Your Mommy

Dear baby inside me,

Thank you for the excuse to eat copious amounts of carbs.  You're the BEST!!!

With love,

Your Mommy

Dear Costco Pumpkin Pie,

Why must you be so delicious and so tempting to me?  Thank you for the added 5 lbs. I'm sure I've gained because of your creamy delictableness.

Thundering thighs,


Dear Halloween,

I'm over you.  Can we PLEASE move on.  I don't care if I ever see another fun size piece of candy, ghost, goblin or gouhl again. 

Scroogey Vampira

Ok then, I think I'm good for now.  And don't even worry.  I will totally post pics of my kids and all their ridiculous adorableness in their costumes tomorrow.   I mean, I may hate Halloween, but I'm not SUCH a horrible Mom that I don't dress the kids up and let them score some candy of their own.  Please!


Kristina P. said...

Ooooh, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on tonight! Thanks for reminding me!

alison said...

i have learned to ignore all things kardashian. my world is much better now. i've filed them away with snooki, lindsey lohan, and justin bieber. and i ALMOST wish i were pregnant to excuse the vast amounts of crap i've been eating lately AND the extra lbs i've sprouted due to said eating. i even took a pregnancy test with my fingers kinda crossed yesterday.... but nope. it's all just me (and i am TOTALLY joking on the fingers crossed here because 4 kids would NOT be part of my plan in life right now!!). that is i must go steal some of my kids halloween loot to distract me from people magazine!!

Eve said...

Uhm, yeah. I've been here for a week and I'm wondering if I can stand another sunny 90+ day! I was just getting into the rhythm of Autumn up North.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be back in AZ for a number of reasons, but seriously?... 90+ degrees at the very end of OCT??? WIll the madness ever end? I lived here for 7 years last time, but I don't remember there ever being such hideous temperatures this late in the year!

LadyCarma said...

Just to break my heart I get this cell text from Staci in Hartford, CT:
Pray for our power to come back on. We've been out since Saturday night. Our food is spoiling and we are cold

I think it is unfair that Arizona is so hot and CT is so cold and snowy with no electricity or heat!

The Atomic Mom said...

1-- I wish we in New Mexico could share some of the nice fall we've been having with you.

2--The Kardashians are whores, just plane old whores...because that's the reason Kim got famous, a sex tape.

3--Ditto that on the "Real" Housewives....I'm all for regular housewives.

4--I am thanking my baby for the love of cheese and all things dairy. I love the fact that I am in the calorie free zone and have no reservations about drinking whole milk.

5--Ditto you on Halloween.

You serioulsy crack me up.

Mrs. Small Soldier said...

This post = total awesomeness. took all the words right from my mouth.

Amanda said...

DYING! hilarious.. please do it again :)

Master P said...

DITTO on every point!!!!!! Yes, this must be a occurring thing please!!

LanaBanana said...

Hilarious as usual. Especially good letters this time. :)

Dixiechick said...

Yes, your letters posts are among my favorites. So last night as Shane and I are lying in bed, just about to fall asleep he says, "Oh, I have some really sad news." My heart dropped and I said "What?!" And he says, "Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce." It was pretty funny. I had no idea and never hear about her or see or or anything ever. I suppose it's because I don't have tv? But I agree, she deserves no attention from the rest of the country and it always worries me how stupid and messed up our population is when I realize people do pay her attention. Anywho, that's all for now.