Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Splash Heard 'Round the World....Or at least in our backyard

So, my internet stopped working for like 4 days....and you guys, A LOT of stuff went down.  Not the least of which was this aforementioned "SPLASH".

Here's my story.

Friday morning dawned bright and early.....we were up and at 'em at the UNHEARD of hour of 5:20 a.m.  Our darlingest neighbor Blainer had agreed to help us chop and by chop I mean chainsaw down our very very dead orange tree in the backyard.  We were going to take the opportunity to really go to town on cleaning up our front and back yard (I use that term lightly, as we mostly have giant tracks of dirt, no grass to be found, unless you count huge weeds).  So, we worked and worked and worked, even though the chainsaw didn't work. BOO!  Anywho, we were GETTING IT DONE!!!  I mowed the heck out of the random foot high patches of dead grass.  I raked, I weed eated.  Jere showed the 4 ft. tall weed trees on the side of the house who was boss. 
  SIDENOTE:  I LOVE when Jere helps with a project...he is so freaking thorough!
So anyway I moved on to the pool.  Because well, the Einsteins who lived in this house before and put that pool in were seriously MENTAL.

Who decides to put a pool smack in the smallest part of the yard, and surrounds it with a deck that is literally no wider than a foot in places AND then surrounds said retarded deck with grass.  Except, now there is no real grass, just DEAD grass and a lot of dirt.  So, when you weed eat, it all flies into the pool, and when you step out of the pool and then get back in, there is dirt.  Seriously, it makes me INSANE!  Way to go geniuses!

Anyway....I went to work skimming the pool, and trust me, it was a JOB!  After roughly 400 passes around the uncharacteristically small pool deck I had accomplished my work.  There I was, standing at the far end taking the skimmer off the pole, 'cause now it was time to vacuum. 

Picture with me if you will.....me standing with my back to the water.  Covered in grass, dirt, sweat and filth.  I am unattaching the skimmer when suddenly, the world has gone awry.  What is happening, why am I wet?  Wait, am I in the pool, do I have makeup on?  HOW did this happen?  I'm SO confused! 

Apparently, my foot was closer to the edge than I thought.  I mean really, when your deck is a foot wide, what can you expect.  But honestly, I had NO idea that I was in such a precarious position.  And I truly don't know HOW it happened.  All I know is this....I was ass up in the neighbors yard (or my own pool, whatever) and I was hurting.  Because frankly, I thought perhaps my mmm hmmm "venis de milo" or my lady bits if you will had just exploded.  See, when my left leg went in, scraping the hell out of it I might add, the right leg stayed on the deck and clearly my brain was trying to maintain a hold, balance or something.  So, while unwittingly doing full blown splits I feared I'd ripped my hoo ha apart.  I may have screamed out "shit" and then just moaned over and over and over again.  At which point, as I was floating "lifelessly" in the water, my children said "we'd better go get Dad."  And off they went, screaming for Daddy to come help Mommy.  When Jere got back there I was back to coherency.  He asked how I was, I assessed myself and said...."I think I'm ok."  I could move my limbs, my shee shee seemed to be in tact.  No harm, no foul.  I then took off my clothes and swam in my undies (sorry for the visual, just think of puppies and unicorns) with my family while it poured rain.  It was lovely.

Cut to two hours later, I've showered, I've gotten ready, I've been on phonecalls. and I'm realizing that I'm in quite a bit of pain.  In fact, with each passing moment my foot/ankle hurts worse and worse until eventually I literally couldn't breathe on it.  Thankfully we had some crutches.  Jere fixed them to my height and off we went to urgent care.  FOUR HOURS and 3 x-rays later I had a big sprain.  They fit me with a brace and off I went.

Can you believe the ridiculousness of it all?  I FELL in my freaking pool and nearly broke myself.  Thankfully, only a sprain and a big scrapey and bruise. And lest you worry.....I'm gonna be JUST FINE for the show on Friday.  PHEW!

And that is the story of....the splash heard round "my pool."

Ankle sprains and broken V's,



Rita Templeton said...

Ouch! At least you didn't sprain anything else ... if you catch my drift. ;) Haha!

Joey said...

A painful story well told.

Laraine Eddington said...

Sorry, that was me with the painful comment. :)

The Atomic Mom said...

Oopsey! Sorry about that!

The Coolest Allen Family said...

What does it say about me that, although I laugh at most of your posts, I always die laughing at the ones mentioning your "shee shee"? I hope you are feeling better. You probably are since I am late to this party. Thank you for the joy and laughter you bring to my life.