So, this morning as I was standing in the bathroom with my doors locked, about to get in the shower there was a pounding at my door. This isn't anything new or unusual, the kids ALWAYS need me the MOMENT I'm naked (oh sorry, I just went there. Scrub your brain free of the image). ANYWAY...pound, pound, pound, I ignore. But, she's yelling something, and then I hear
"Hell-OOO, I'm TALKING to you." In the sassiest speak I've ever heard. After I stifled my giggle, I walked to the door and asked what she needed. To which she replied. "Max has diarhea BUTT. I smelled it."
Awesome.
You will be pleased to know that I promptly threw on the robe, opened the door, retrieved the offending butt and changed the diaper. NO diarhea to be found.
Hell-O!
About a month ago Maggie moved up in the world and is now a Sunbeam in Primary. This is big doins, and she was excited. But, she got even MORE excited when on her first Sunday she was presented with a darling little scripture bag. Our awesome Primary made each of the kids their own personal scripture bag (out of placemats) and they're so cute! Maggie just saw bag, which meant "new purse." BUT, when I told her what it was for, and presented her with her very own Book of Mormon to put in it...well, unending joy! She carried those scriptures around for a solid week without putting them down. They went to bed with her, meals, everywhere; and she "read" them constantly. So, one night as I was looking something up on the computer, she was sitting on the floor in front of me "reading." It was so funny, I started typing what she was saying, and for your pleasure, here it is.
“God is the best. God loves me. That is the truth.”
"Mom……I dided it. I read this God book and I read it right!
It look like I read it right."
She laid back down and re-read it three more times and each time she said the exact same thing.
We’re proud!
"God had a son Baby Jesus Max. That’s the truth and that’s good. God and Mary are gonna be happy that they had the son Baby Jesus."
Oh that girl....
Oh dear...lest I forget this little issue that popped up.
The other morning Maggie jumped off my bed and promptly shouted..."shit." And then she repeated it TWO MORE TIMES. "Shit, shit, shit." I, ummm, I was shocked. I don't take responsability for this matter. And, since all the dammit, what the hells of the past, I've been model Mommy around her. She hasn't dropped salty sailor language in nearly a year. I was shocked. I asked her why in the world she would say that, to which she replied "Because I WANTED to." OY! So, I informed her that should I EVER hear her say that word again she would get soap in her mouth. All was understood....UNTIL....
That afternoon, whilst riding her scooter through the kitchen she stumbled and the scooter fell, and there it was....."SHIT." Oh no she di'int! So, I gave her the look, she started bawling and screaming and insisting that she just would never say it again. It was a battle royale, but I finally got some soap in her mouth. She was exhausted when all was said and done, and SWORE to never say that word again. I think she means it too.
And then there's this boy....
He was rather insistent that he "hates" the bright. So, he confiscated MY glasses. And as Max says..."If you can rock it, you can wear it."
Anyway....LURVE him so much and when he comes up out of nowhere and says:
"Mommy, MOMMY can I pwease watch Super Why to da rescue.”
"Super Why….to da rescue."
It sorta makes me love him more. He's a little/lotta bit obsessed with Super Why.
This week Max has learned the hard way that saying HATE is not ok. After Maggies "S#&@" fiasco I had to up the consequences and include "hate" in soap/vinegar duty. I am so sick and tired of my kids saying "I hate YOU", "I hate Maggie", "I hate Max", etc. that I laid down the law. NO MORE SAYING HATE TO ANYONE IN THIS FAMILY.
Max caught on quite quickly and stopped himself several times from saying the offending words. But wouldn't ya know...yesterday, it just slipped out, TWICE. And crappity crap, I HAD to follow through. Saddest thing ever. Him bawling saying he didn't want soap, he wouldn't say it again, etc. But, soap I did and now, all day today he has proudly told me..."We no hate our famwy." "It not nice to say hate in our famwy." That's right little man, that's RIGHT!
"Shitless" and soapy,
Allyson
P.S. Thanks so much for all the lovin on the rain gutter shelves. I just wanted to throw out there...Lana painted hers for her daughter's bedroom. Just a coat of spray paint and you can customize them to anything you want. Thought you should know.
6 comments:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! i laugh because we haven't had the cussing episode around here. so it's funny when it's someone else's kiddos ;) i cut the swears out of my everyday conversations before hkay learned to jabber. not because i'm mommy of the year or anything (because you know that i am SO not!)...it was just something that i randomly did. anyhoodles, i'm still waiting for one of those snotty kids at school to teach her some interesting vernacular. and everytime you brought up soap, i though of the Christmas movie where the kiddo imagined that the soap in the mouth would make him go blind and wouldn't THAT teach his mom a lesson. hehehehehe!
by the way...max boy is SO rockin the shades. love him :)
Yes, I've always assumed you were a model mommy!
I love his fauxhawk.
Oh the washing of the mouth with soap...Kymber got her mouth washed out so many times she had a preference as to which color of soap tasted better. Little stinkers!
OK, laughed out loud lots on this one! Read it to Troy, and he laughed as well. Your kids are FUNNY!!! And I loved your others posts, too. Rain gutters look awesome!
I love these stories, so funny! Maggie's reading of her "God book" was so sweet/cute. Love the words kids come up with for things like that. The other day my 5yo called his dress-up shoes his "God shoes." Made us all giggle.
So laughing at your inappropriately hilarious ending to this post. But how sweet that she is "reading" the scriptures and saying "it's the truth." She is a funny kid.
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