Thursday, January 19, 2012

Panic Room

Whatever investor bought and flipped this house before we bought it from them did a swell job in some areas and a craptastic, cheapy job in others.  Case in point.....all the door knobs throughout the house.  They are literally the $8.00 cheapest you can buy at Home Depot.  I HATE them.  I have always hated them.  They're silver and cheap looking and cheap working.  The "lock" is stupid and my children can unlock them, what good is THAT?  But, like many other things, and I do mean MANY, they were just on the list of "to dos" for someday.

Someday came today.  I was at the Home Depot picking up some paint for my project tomorrow and I passed the doorknobs.  "You know what....I'm just gonna DO IT."  I said to myself.  So, I picked up knobs for the kids room and for ours.  I mean, it's not like I could re "knob" every door in the house in one fell swoop, so I started with the two most important. 

It's a teeny bit like this....except not a push lock and in black.
We got home and I headed straight for the kids door.  I needed to turn their lock around anyway, so, you know, I could lock it from the outside, in case of need of banishment, or punishment, or whatever!  I got right to work.  It's not like changing a door knob is rocket science.

Maggie and Max dragged kitchen chairs into the hallway so they could watch and cheer me on in my efforts.  It was a smidge crowded in that there hallway, but somehow we made do.

I got the old knob off in a jiffy and then set to work on the new knob.  After a couple of oopsies with putting the innerd in correctly, I got it right.  Then I worked to figure out getting the knob on correctly.  It may or may not have taken a few more efforts than I'd like to admit.  But FINALLY I got it all in and done and screwed in.  It look swell, but then I gave the door a try.  And....well....bleepity, bleepity bleep bleep the door didn't latch.  For whatever reason the stinkin door would not latch shut.  What good is that to me?  UGH!  So, I messed with the little plate on the door jam first, that didn't help.  So then I had to take the whole freaking thing apart AGAIN!  I kept trying to figure out if the inside piece needed to be elongated, or whatever.  I was getting nowhere. 

That pushy inny thing is the DEVIL.

At this point I stick the inner part back in, line it up and shut the door.  I SHUT THE DOOR and it LATCHED!!  Suddenly, the door is stuck shut and there is NO knob on it and I'm LOCKED in my kids room with no phone and no way out.  I tried using the screwdriver to jimmy it over, shake it, wiggle it, anything.

I moved into a full blown panic attack.  Like for reals....I was hyperventilating, the walls felt like they were closing in on me, I was seriously fuh-reaking out?  "this is not good, this is not good, this is NOT good, we're stuck, WE'RE STUCK!"  I wish I could explain how terrifying that moment felt.  HOW was I gonna get out?

So, I look to the window and say  "Maggie, I'm putting you out the window, I need you to get out the back gate and go over and get B (our neighbor).  She scoffed, said she couldn't do that, she was scared, etc.  "NO MAGGIE, you HAVE to do this!"  So, I opened their window, dropped her down, followed closely by Max, who simply HAD to go along too.  Then she said she couldn't undo the gate.  I assured her she could, just drage a chair over, unlatch it and go.  Off they run.  And I'm practically in the fetal position for fear I'm never gonna leave this room again. (only a slight exageration).

In that moment I decided to try and stick the knob in as best i could and see if I could get the handle to turn.  THANKFULLY, it worked.

I got out, ran to the backyard, called for the kids, who were already at the nieghbors.  They came running back and told me B wasn't home.  So thank HEAVENS I got out on my own, 'cause THAT woulda sucked.

It's silly really.  The whole thing took about 10 minutes, but it was seriously one of the most scarey moments of my life.

Needless to say, I grabbed my phone, in case any foolishness were to happen again.  Maggie spent the next 20 minutes saying..."Phew, that really gave me a heart attack.  I was having a pretty big heart attack about that." etc.  it was cute.

In the end....good news....I got the knob put back on and it works perfectly.  Latches, locks, all is well.'s pretty, and it works well and isn't loud and squeaky.  BEST of more chance for me to get myself locked into the

Panic room!

Terror and Toddler heros,



Britanee said...

LOVE IT. I giggled the whole time. Because i felt like i could relate. Shiz is scary!

The Wizzle said...



One time, Devlin locked me out of the house. He was outside, I was inside, he was 2 and didn't understand any of my directions, even though obviously he was perfectly capable of operating the lock! He was the one freaking out, and it sucked big time. Anyway, I called my parents (and after this incident, gave my neighbors a key!) and it all worked out, but I know that feeling!

DianD said...

Yikes!!! Glad that all ended well. Now all you'll have to do is "suggest" that if your kids don't stay in their rooms when they are supposed to, you'll have to lock them in and see how well they behave. :) Or climb out the window and head for the neighbors. Ha! Good for you for being able to change doornobs out! I'm so impressed!

alison said...

girl, i can't even unlock the hall bathroom door with the little "key" that came with it (anytime one of the kids locks themselves in the bathroom and then can't unlock it, i have to call austin over to save the day)so i am seriously impressed that you changed out a whole doorknob! i would have panicked too because my claustrophobia kicks in for any situation where i feel trapped regardless of the size of the space i'm trapped in. i love that max insisted on being sidekick to maggie's quest :)

Kristina P. said...

Yikes! I've been thinking about replacing our knobs too. Can we borrow your kid when we do?

Sarah said...

OMGish! Sorry you were scared but.... hilarious story! Goodness!! Glad it had a happy ending :-)

Sarah said...

OMGish! Sorry you were scared but.... hilarious story! Goodness!! Glad it had a happy ending :-)