I mean, here's the deal....we are all perfectly clear that Maggie is, well.....um...spirited, strong willed, or just downright crazy, right? I mean, i think I've made this clear on a number of occasions. Girl does NOT back down for nothin, and she regularly fights me on, well, EVERYTHING! However, this shopping experience took things to a whole new level. One in which I'm afeared I need to get her checked out, or at least me checked in somewhere.
A couple weeks before Christmas the chilrens and I got in the car and headed out for an afternoon excursion. We were going to Kohls to procure my sisters Christmas present and perhaps look around, see if there were any other great finds to be had. All was going well, we found her gifts, looked for some kind of cute dress for Maggie, but no luck. So, I get this bright idea that we should head to Ross, see what they had to offer. Frankly, besides her need for a cute Christmas dress, homegirl was SADLY lacking in any kind of pant to wear. We were literally down to 2 pair of jeggings (shut it all of you. Jeggings are still evil, but worn by 4 year olds with huge ghetto booties, they are cute. I still completely ban them from all adult wearage!) and some scraggly skirts. She REFUSES to wear jeans of any kind, and most any other pant I try to buy she finds something wrong with. Shoot, most shirts are non-acceptable to her as well. One day they're in, the next day......they're OUT!
Imagine my happy dance when upon entering the store I right away found a super cute Christmas dress for only 10 bucks. Maggie nodded her approval, so it went in the pile. I found a couple other dresses to at least try and then set my sights upon pants of any kind that would fit her criteria of soft, stretchy and COMFORTABLE. I found the cutest pair of pink sweat pants that were blingy and said diva. Hello, how PERFECT could they be? I also found a super fun pair of stretchy, jegging like jordache jeans. I felt them....soft. Stretchy. Comfortable, PLUS totally blingy and fun. How could she resist? So, I threw them in the pile, along with some other pair of something. Off we went to the dressing room.
Here is where things went completely otherworldly on me. Keep in mind I have never taken Maggie actual clothes shopping. I mean, you can't count walking through Wal-Mart, throwing 3 dollar shirts into the cart and going home as shopping. She has never attempted to "try on" clothes in the store. At home, no matter what I buy, she immediately rips the tag off and THEN tries it on. I s'pose I had completely repressed all memory of her wierd aversion to tags. Because you can just imagine my shock and surprise to her complete and utter BREAK DOWN over the tags being attached to the clothes while she tried them on.
I held up a dress and attempted to put it on her. She screamed, she cried, she DEMANDED that I remove all tags. I informed her that since we did not yet OWN these clothes I could NOT do that. I assured her that she would be ok. I'd hold the tags away from her, she could DO this. She is practically hyper ventilating at this point. And you may think I'm exagerting, but I am NOT! She would start to put it on, then back out screaming she couldn't do it. I finally got the dress on and thankfully, it was comfortable enough that she calmed down and gave me a nod of approval. The other two dresses did not fair as well. Oh good heavens....then we come to the pants. THE PANTS! I wish, for the love of all I WISH that anyone could have witnessed this besides me. It's so UN-believable how she acted that you'll think I'm lying. But, I'm not. I swear to buddah, I am NOT.
I picked the pants up, I moved them towards her, she screamed about the tags. I tried to calm her down, talk her out of her tree, assure her it would be fine. She'd make a small move toward the pants, step one foot in, then yank it out like she'd just been bitten by a thousand poisonous snakes and scream again she couldn't do it/didn't want to do it, HATED the pants, etc. She nearly went into seizures her fear and disdain was so palpable. It was the most bizarre and ludicrous thing I've ever seen. I finally got the damn pants on her, but she was not to be calmed. Nothing was gonna be ok at this point. I was on the verge of my own breakdown and Max was just trying to get out of the dressing room and all the crazy being thrown around.
Finally I got her redressed in her own clothes and calmed down, gathered my meager findings and we headed for the register. I was buying the pants dammit, and she was gonna like 'em once the tags were off.
The offending pants. Cute right?
We get home, show her Dad her new wares and then decide to change her clothes because we were going somewhere that night.
You may think I kid, but for FORTY FIVE MINUTES she screamed, she cried, she wailed she raged and REFUSED to wear those pants. Nothing I did or said could change that. Wanna know why she hated them so? Because they touched her skin. They "bothhered" her skin. I was not getting it, until Jere finally told me, the stitching on the pocket was touching her skin and bothering her. So, the comprimise was, she could wear leggins under the pants so the pants wouldn't touch her. That was how she was appeased, and it is still the only way she will wear the pants.
This stitching is what proved to be her undoing.
You guys! I mean, I've KNOWN she had some issues. She WON'T wear socks or tights because the seam in them bother her so much. If anything is remotely "scratchy" she refuses to put it on. She won't deal with tags, I knew this. She won't wear MOST shoes, especially if they are closed toe because they bother her. But, I guess I just did NOT realize the level, the depth of her "disorder" if you will. Clearly homegirl has some sort of sensory issue that may need a deeper look.
All I know is....I will NEVER, EVER attempt to take her shopping for clothes in any fashion, ever again. I will meekly lay at her feet nothing but tagless sweats forevermore. Actually, truth be told, she is now the owner of a shiny new wardrobe of nothing but leggings. So far, so good. And frankly....with a ghetto booty like hers, it's pretty dang cute.
Needless to say, it's taken a good month, a lot of "happy thoughts" and maybe a pallet of cookies or two, but I am at long last moving past this ordeal. I just sincerely hope that she will grow out of this hideousness AND that this new baby will not share in the issue. 'Cause dang it, I need a dolly to dress that doesn't fight me at every turn. I deserve that right? RIGHT!
Clotheless and cray cray,