Jenny and I giggled as we sat in the little room in the garage, a room FILLED with cans of half used paint, cans of spray paint and various and sundry other garagey things. We were so pleased with ourselves and our secrecy. There we sat, amongst the "flamables" rolling up pieces of paper, lighting them on fire, and then sucking in the smoke and then blowing it out. Yes, we were lighting fire in a room full of paint vapors. We were one match scratch away from someone saying to my parents, ala "Better off Dead", "Sorry your kids blew up Tony." Seriously, it's a miracle we didn't explode, and set the house on fire. But, what did we care...all we wanted was to see smoke come out of our mouths. And, if we weren't in our garage room, we were in the camper on the back driveway, lighting matches, blowing it out, putting our mouth around it and then....blowing out the smoke. CLEARLY we had a little obsession. This is something we did rather regularly. I mean, we went through a total pyro phase, that nearly had us burn down our house, but I'll save that for another post another day. I tell you this story, because it is the precursor to where I went next with this.
And let me just say here, what I am about to admit to is the epitome of "Hard core", I mean I could have practically been a member of "the outsiders" at this point ::SNORT::. Apparently I was so ashamed of this escapade in my life, I never told my Mom. Well, I would swear that I HAD shared this, but she told me yesterday that she did NOT know this about me. Evidently, she didn't know a lot of things about me. So see, enlightenment all around. I'm cleansing my soul of my super, "SUPER BAD" sins. hehehehehe (and really, how awesome would it be if this was TRULY the worst of my offenses in life.)
Perhaps you can see where this is going...no? If not, don't think less of me for succumbing to the wiley ways of my more "seasoned" neighbor.
After Nicole had completely blown my mind with the "sex" eye opener, and the fake period, and the park time swears, I was obviously ready for the next phase of her "evil" plan. She knew of our little paper rolling and smoke blowing parties. So, somewhere along the way, she convinced me how cool it would be to comb the gutters for discarded cigarette butts, then light them and finish them off. Just writing that makes my gag reflex go crazy. How utterly disturbing and disgusting is that? That's probably how I contracted the Herpes. At least that's what Jere says. Thanks again Nicole. Oh my sides....will the laughter never stop. HA!
I see it clearly, there we were, wandering the alley and up our street, eyes intently searching the gutter for a suitable cigarette butt. Nicole assuring me that it was ok, even as I winced at the grossness. But, find some we did, and light them we did. This went on for a few weeks, while we talked about the greater plan....
Jody in all her Barbie perfect glory was now brought in on our big plan. The one where Nicole would sneak into her brothers room and steal 3 cigarettes, one for each of us to smoke. We would skulk our way to the field at the end of the street, and then we'd get down in the ditch, where we'd light up and smoke our cigs. It was planned down to the smallest detail, and you should know, Karen was NOT invited to our cool, "let's smoke cigarettes" club. I'm not entirely sure why that was...unless we just instinctively knew she would NOT succumb to the lure of the smoke. Or maybe we knew she'd be a big tattley tell. It's a mystery.
The big day arrived, we met up at Nicoles house for our rendezvous with destiny (or at least a rendezvous with the stank of nicotine and tobacco). While we waited outside, nervously searching the street for any possible foils to our plan, she stealthly slipped into her brothers room and returned with the contraban. SUCCESS! Next we walked casually down the street and into the field. We crouched down into the ditch and attempted to light up. It was windy that day, and it was a little tricky getting it going. Eventually we succeeded, the cancer stick came to life, glowing deep red, and there we were, giggling and laughing at how cool we were. I was oh so fascinated with the whole way you hold a cigarette, and how it felt in my hand. I felt like a movie star, or something like that. But mostly, I liked to blow smoke out of my mouth (as opposed to up your ass, if you know what I'm sayin, hehehe). I can honestly say, I have something in common with Bill Clinton...with all the truth in the world...I did not ever inhale. I really, really didn't. I sucked in and puffed out. I never understood why people would cough, like on TV or movies, when they smoked for the first time. Yeah, well apparently I missed the WHOLE point of "the smoke" (the good part, as Jere likes to say. Sidenote, did you know that Jere used to be a total smoker? I know, wierd, and gross right?). So anyway, there we were, sucking in, blowing out, watching the wisps of smoke blow away in the breeze, when suddenly Karen appeared in the field. Riding her bike, yelling our names, looking frantically for us. We all rolled our eyes and giggled some more. She was so NOT gonna know about this little party. We hunkered down and watched her frantically ride back and forth looking for us, and smoked our little "black" hearts out.
When we finished up our "smoke", we smashed the butts, wiped the dirt off our clothes and headed back toward Jodys house. We were met by Randy and Chris riding their BMX's, and we told them what we'd just done. Their response was awesome! Mostly impressed with us, and then they gave us this sage, SAGE advice. They told us to go and immediately eat a whole bunch of cheese, because that would take the smoke smell away. And you better believe....we cheesed it up something fierce.
I won't lie, I felt HORRIBLE and GUILTY when all was said and done. I was SURE that it was written all over my face...."I'm a naughty smoker." I avoided eye contact with my parentals. I wallowed in my guilt for being such a sinner. And I swore that I would NEVER, EVER smoke again. And, I didn't. Until sometime later (like months) I went to Nicoles and she took me out to this shed room and let me in on a little secret. She had still kept smoking. WHAT? This was news to me. She convinced me to just smoke with her one more time. So, we went over to the side of her house, in the backyard and smoked again. I tell you....she was taking me DOWN!
However, I swear on a stack of bibles, that was the LAST time I ever let that foulness touch my lips. I got it out of my system, and I went on to live in all purity forever more. HA! But, if it counts for ANYTHING whatsoever...I have NEVER even tasted a drop of alcohol of any kind. So, there is that..right?
Furthermore, Nicole and I remained friends, but there was a difference after that. She was at my 12th birthday party in 7th grade, but we were definitely not as "tight" as we once were. Then, she moved away at some point in Jr. high. I literally never saw or heard of her again. UNTIL...
2 years ago I ran into her in Sprouts. It was so random and so wierd. The good news is, she is married, has like 5 kids and is a solid, upstanding citizen. Her skanky, smoking ways all left behind in her past.
Ahhh youth....ain't it sweet.
Let's play a little game. Take a moment, think hard...time to confess something dumb you did as a kid. If I can admit to my "deepest darkest" 6th grade secret, so can you. Let's see what kind of fun stories we can get in the comments.
Ciggies and cheese chunks,
Slow Cooker Mashed Potatoes
13 hours ago