Thursday, July 15, 2010

Je gotta be KIDDING me on the Jeggings

Alright...it's LATE, and perhaps I should rethink writing and posting this at this current juncture.  But, then again....when do I EVER really think through what I write?  Not often.

Here's the deal....my friend over at The Atomic Soup wrote a little posty today about skinny jeans.  She was horrified as she wandered through the mall at a display touting them.  Bless her little atomic heart...she lives in the middle of NOWHERE New Mexico and does not make it out into the "real world" very often.  So, you can imagine her dismay and alarm upon seeing this.  For the rest of us who actually live around civilization...we've seen this hideous trend for awhile now.  And as I told her, the skinny jean, she don't look good on anyone, even the twiglet boy that lives next door.  I HATE them. 

Of course, my disdain probably runs even deeper due to the sheer mass and volume of my ASS, but that is neither here nor there.  The point is, it wasn't attractive the first time around, and it's certainly not attractive THIS time around.

But, BUT...even more disturbing than the skinny jean is this other phenomenon known as:
THE JEGGING.  'Tis a denim or jean looking LEGGIN!

Friends, Romans, Countrymen....Lend me your EARS, or in this case...your EYES!  This is a bad idea, a very, VERY bad idea.  Hell, leggins in general are just craptastic, and that's on the skinny girls.  I give you exhibit A:

WHAT is happening here?  Besides the suction and sheer cyntrivical force involved in pulling these on.  Look at the totally gramma nerdy wasteline.  Elastic waist, and you're showing that?  REALLY?  You can NOT tell me there is ONE attractive thing about this.  And she's the skinny model.

Truth be told, I was unaware of this current fashion faux pas trend.  I live somewhere in the fashion world of oh, let's say...oblivion.  I don't pay much attention to Lane Giant and their hideous styles meant for skinny girls that they're selling to us fatties.  As I've stated before....WE'RE FAT, therefore we requiree fabric to cover up the fright fest that is our ARMS, and or legs.  We're doing the public a service.  YOU...Lane Bryant, are NOT doing anyone any favors.  So imagine my surprise the other day when I opened their latest flyer and jumping off the page was this HUGE print and announcement of JEGGINGS!  I had to re read that totally stupid word like 5 times.  Who the hell came up with that dumbness?  THEN I looked at the model, modeling them.  I'm sure her inner monologue at that shoot was something like this.

"please don't make me wear the jeggings, oh please don't make me wear the jeggings."  "Dammit, I HAVE to wear the freaking jeggings." "These are the ugliest damn things I've ever put on." "WHY ME?" "mmmmm, cheese cake."

I mean really, even her face said that she felt that way...I swear.  But what really caught my eye was how AWFUL they looked on her. And SHE was the MODEL, wherein airbrushing has occurred, and also wherein she is on the SMALL side of fat.  Like maybe a size 12 (which in my book is NOT fat at all.)

I quickly discarded the flyer, so as to save my eyes from the cancer that was at that very moment forming on them. 

So, Atomic Moms post brought me to this.  I hopped on to my friend Google and did a quick little picture search.  Not pretty.   I also learned a thing or two.  Like...this yuckity trend has been around for at least a year, and that the all important, her word is scripture, Rachel Zoe has said that it is  "a trend that is HERE TO STAY."  Here's for hoping NOT!  I also learned that there are a lot of women out there who buy and then WEAR these, and many (read all) of them have no business doing so. I also learned that some women prefer them when they wear tight, LONG shirts because regular jeans are bulky.  So, at least they're trying to cover up their bootays, 'cause that is just not attractive.  Here are a few other pics I found to illustrate my point (be it known the BEST pic I found has obviously been coded so I couldn't copy it.  Pity really, cause she was the WORST offender of all).



Oh HELLO sadlebags.  How are you?


Bootylicious!  Walkin right next to her pappy and his pimped out walkin shoes.

I REST my case.

My dear beloved friends...I beg of you...Avoid this trend.  Run away, as fast as you can.  Do not perpetuate the cruel and inhumane treatment of denim and spandex.  Give us all something to "imagine".  Because really, I just don't need, nor want to know EVERY curve  of your voluptuous lower half.

JEGGINGS are BAD!  Just say NO!


With that said, I'm taking my larger than life keister and goin to the GYM first thing in the morning!  Somewhere a pair of jeggings have got my name on 'em.  HAHAHAHHAHA I kid, of course!  It's skinny jeans....DUH!!!

Twiglets and piglets,

Allyson

20 comments:

Jen West said...

Thank-you for setting me straight. It is one of those things that you just might wear unless someone has the courage to say it's awful... like they should have done with zipper pants. Rest well, knowing that you have started the ball rolling for the "no jeggings campaign." Thanks :)

Mel said...

Gross! I hate skinny jeans. I agree they look terrible on everyone. You make me laugh.
My mom has been wearing jeggings for years. We just call them stretch pants. Who knew she was a fashion trend setter?

lexlocilori said...

Since turning 40, I have become a huge fan of "yoga" gear. It gives the illusion that I may be on my way to a workout instead of on my way to the pantry for a bag of cheetos.

I personally am a fan of all tragic fashion, including skinny jeans. The theory is; the worst the people around me look, the better I appear. Bring it jeggings!!!

The Atomic Mom said...

I am here to bear my testimony of the grossness and uglyness that are Jeggins. They were featured on an episode of the extremly trashy, yet engaging Kell on Earth a few months ago. No, no, no, the fat-fruit shaped girls should not wear these or anything like unto them, amen.

And you could have totally linked my blog in this entry. :)

Kristina P. said...

I do sort of want to get those pajama jeans.

Dana said...

I love leggings, skinny jeans, and even jeggings......but you already knew that. I'm just too old for them. Dammit. (so much swearing in that post, I had to join in!!)

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Oh no she di'int!

Skinny jeans - AND jeggings - are a horrible trend that must die and that never should have been resurrected to begin with. Ugh. I am in TOTAL agreement that they don't look good even on the twiggiest of stick figures. And considering 95% of the people who wear skinny jeans are NOT twiggy stick figures, well, you do the math.

I had to LOL at you living in the fashion world of oblivion. Me too. Maybe we'll run into each other sometime? I'll be the one NOT in the jeggings. :)

The Brinkerhoff's said...

OHH sad I LOVE JEGGINGS!!! Guess I should just be glad I am not your example picture!! lol I think if worn right no matter what size you are they can look great- RIGHT???

Dixiechick said...

Allyson, I'm afraid you are wrong here. After a weekend long shopping trip in the New York fashion district (yeah, that's as far as my credentials go), I learned that you need to go wit the ebb and flow of fashion. Don't buck against it so hard...it's sort of fun to ride the wave. Now certainly, CERTAINLY, that are people that shouldn't be riding the legging/jegging wave. Ever. But I totally disagree with your assessment of the first picture you have of the model in leggings. I think she looks great. And, irony or all ironies, I was totally wearing leggings with a long fitted shirt yesterday because jeans are too bulky to wear it with. I get it. I haven't been able to bring myself to wear skinny jeans, but I do think there are a random few people that they look good on. FEW. But they have their place. What I hate most of all is the name "jeggings". Now that's just plain stupid.

Minky said...

I may or may not have a pair of black leggings that I wear with a long tank and cardi.

But jeggins? Quelle horror!!! not in this lifetime...unless I was in a comedy show.
Hell to the no.

Double Wide Mom said...

Keep preachin' the truth, Sista!! Just Say NO!

the shoafs said...

je-WHAT??? really? jeggings?? who comes up with the crap? man, that's alot of questions in a row....but not NEAR the number the went screaming through my head the minute i saw the pictures. now, as a JOKE, someone gave my hubs some pj pants that resemble jeans....and i DO giggle at the huggies jean diapers, but those are funny....not fashion. this is going to be another one of those fashion trends that the aliens view and decide that they'll skip on over this planet bc there is CLEARLY no sign of intelligent life here. which....may be a good thing....i mean, we've all seen "independence day".

LadyCarma said...

I wished I had my camera at a corner of Las Vegas last week. Although, you would NOT have wanted to see this chick. A very tall and beautiful black woman with lots more booty than her share, wearing jeggings with a short blouse. The jeggings were beige colored. There was NOT one thing in her lower body that was left to imagination! Staci and I were equally grossed out!

Greg and Tammy said...

I totally agree with you. What's it called when my jeans are just too tight because I'm too fat and they look like jeggings? Tacky? :)

Too much fun singing in front of you. See you tomorrow!

Natalie said...

Preach it , girl! You are so right on with this!

Silky Smooth and the Night Rangers said...

But it feels so good when your butt gets complimented while wearing a pair of skinny jeans. These are the moments I live for.

Wendy said...

Thank you for discussing Jeggings. I was just thinking today, I would love a new pair of pants.

WOW, those are tempting.

Who knew Jeggings had SO MUCH TO OFFER?!

You almost sold me on purchasing a pair, but then as someone else so aptly put it, my inner self screamed Hell to the No!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I've been out of style for so long, jeggings will do nothing to change that!

LiSa said...

Skinny jeans were invented by skinny people hoping to get compliments on how skinny they look! I absolutely can't stand them either! They just don't look good on anyone... I've tried to embrace the trend, especially with boots in the winter. Not cute!

Thanks for making me laugh :)

Kathleen said...

that is the funniest post ever! i sure hope I don't see anyone sporting Jeggings, yikes!!