Here's the deal....my friend over at The Atomic Soup wrote a little posty today about skinny jeans. She was horrified as she wandered through the mall at a display touting them. Bless her little atomic heart...she lives in the middle of NOWHERE New Mexico and does not make it out into the "real world" very often. So, you can imagine her dismay and alarm upon seeing this. For the rest of us who actually live around civilization...we've seen this hideous trend for awhile now. And as I told her, the skinny jean, she don't look good on anyone, even the twiglet boy that lives next door. I HATE them.
Of course, my disdain probably runs even deeper due to the sheer mass and volume of my ASS, but that is neither here nor there. The point is, it wasn't attractive the first time around, and it's certainly not attractive THIS time around.
But, BUT...even more disturbing than the skinny jean is this other phenomenon known as:
THE JEGGING. 'Tis a denim or jean looking LEGGIN!
Friends, Romans, Countrymen....Lend me your EARS, or in this case...your EYES! This is a bad idea, a very, VERY bad idea. Hell, leggins in general are just craptastic, and that's on the skinny girls. I give you exhibit A:
WHAT is happening here? Besides the suction and sheer cyntrivical force involved in pulling these on. Look at the totally gramma nerdy wasteline. Elastic waist, and you're showing that? REALLY? You can NOT tell me there is ONE attractive thing about this. And she's the skinny model.
Truth be told, I was unaware of this current fashion
faux pas trend. I live somewhere in the fashion world of oh, let's say...oblivion. I don't pay much attention to Lane Giant and their hideous styles meant for skinny girls that they're selling to us fatties. As I've stated before....WE'RE FAT, therefore we requiree fabric to cover up the fright fest that is our ARMS, and or legs. We're doing the public a service. YOU...Lane Bryant, are NOT doing anyone any favors. So imagine my surprise the other day when I opened their latest flyer and jumping off the page was this HUGE print and announcement of JEGGINGS! I had to re read that totally stupid word like 5 times. Who the hell came up with that dumbness? THEN I looked at the model, modeling them. I'm sure her inner monologue at that shoot was something like this.
"please don't make me wear the jeggings, oh please don't make me wear the jeggings." "Dammit, I HAVE to wear the freaking jeggings." "These are the ugliest damn things I've ever put on." "WHY ME?" "mmmmm, cheese cake."
I mean really, even her face said that she felt that way...I swear. But what really caught my eye was how AWFUL they looked on her. And SHE was the MODEL, wherein airbrushing has occurred, and also wherein she is on the SMALL side of fat. Like maybe a size 12 (which in my book is NOT fat at all.)
I quickly discarded the flyer, so as to save my eyes from the cancer that was at that very moment forming on them.
So, Atomic Moms post brought me to this. I hopped on to my friend Google and did a quick little picture search. Not pretty. I also learned a thing or two. Like...this yuckity trend has been around for at least a year, and that the all important, her word is scripture, Rachel Zoe has said that it is "a trend that is HERE TO STAY." Here's for hoping NOT! I also learned that there are a lot of women out there who buy and then WEAR these, and many (read all) of them have no business doing so. I also learned that some women prefer them when they wear tight, LONG shirts because regular jeans are bulky. So, at least they're trying to cover up their bootays, 'cause that is just not attractive. Here are a few other pics I found to illustrate my point (be it known the BEST pic I found has obviously been coded so I couldn't copy it. Pity really, cause she was the WORST offender of all).
Oh HELLO sadlebags. How are you?
Bootylicious! Walkin right next to her pappy and his pimped out walkin shoes.
I REST my case.
My dear beloved friends...I beg of you...Avoid this trend. Run away, as fast as you can. Do not perpetuate the cruel and inhumane treatment of denim and spandex. Give us all something to "imagine". Because really, I just don't need, nor want to know EVERY curve of your voluptuous lower half.
JEGGINGS are BAD! Just say NO!
With that said, I'm taking my larger than life keister and goin to the GYM first thing in the morning! Somewhere a pair of jeggings have got my name on 'em. HAHAHAHHAHA I kid, of course! It's skinny jeans....DUH!!!
Twiglets and piglets,