Monday, October 4, 2010

A pox upon your house

As I'm changing Max's approximate 4 billionth and one diarhea-ish diaper, and Jer is laying in bed with what is clearly the plague of death (which literally stampeded in out of nowhere last night and sat on his face), and my tummy is churning in the pre-throws of "something wicked this way is coming", I'm trying to figure out why we're all suffering.  WHAT has brought this all on.  Did I say something wrong?  Not watch enough conference?  Why oh why.  And then it hits me.

This is alllll Jeres fault.  Yeah, I'm blaming him (and perhaps a little by my brother Porter).  Why you ask?  Well I think you'll be agreeing with me when you see what he went and did.


Clearly,  when you purposely go and give yourself the look of a 70's porn star, current resident of Wyoming or complete ghetto stash, as it were, then you are definitely calling a pox upon yourself and apparently the innocent bystanders in your house.

Shame on you Jere VP, SHAAAAAAME be upon you.

Why would he do this ridiculousness?  All because my brother Porter thought it would be hilarious if he did.  He told Jere he should do it, "it'd be so cool."  And Jer is nothing if not a follower of all things Porter.  So, imagine my surprise, and or creeps when Jer sauntered in yesterday morning with this beaut of a look.  Of course Porter thinks Jer is sooo cool for doing it.  Ewww.  Thanks P, thanks A LOT.  I blame you; you for the hideous look, the poopy diapers, the churning stomach and the sick husband.  Don't you feel bad now?

Bad bets and nasty stache,

Allyson

**All opinions in this blog are just that, strictly snarky opinions of yours truly.  IF you sport a stache, or know someone who does that looks anytihng like this. My apologies (on all accounts).  I don't really think that porno mustaches can really bring a pox upon your house, though PORN can.  Just sayin.

16 comments:

EG said...

"sat on his face"!!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Ick! I hope everyone feels better STASH ... I mean, STAT. Har har har. :)

Seriously though, I don't think the look Jere is sporting is all that bad. Just think of it this way: it could be combined with a mullet. Then what?!

Kristina P. said...

Bwahahaha! When Adam shaved off his goatee, he had a mustache for about a day.

The fact is, no one can really pull off a stache without looking like a pron star/pedophile.

Kellie said...

Oh, man, what a pornstache! Hahaha! Porter should totally be there changing diapers for you, or at the very least he needs to find one as a surprise under his pillow.

The Brinkerhoff's said...

This is something Travis would do!!! oh wait he has done it and it's so wrong!!! Why are men so weird could you imagine if we tried to do something like that!!!

Grace said...

Definitely his fault. I can't believe the difference in how he looks in your masthead and in that pic.

JerBear said...

Please, I ROCK this look and y'all are just jealous you didn't think of it first. =)

I feel like death, and if this so called "porn-stash" is indeed the cause, please hand me my razor!

And Rita, I'm not allowed to cut my hair right now because of Oliver, so I may just very well grow out the mullet.

Holler!!

The Coolest Allen Family said...

There is a guy in my ward who has a crazy sideburn/stache thing. I think he must have lost a bet, but I can't be sure. If I can figure out how, I will try and take a sneaky picture of him during church this next week. It's awesome in it's terribleness. Disclaimer or not, I do believe Jere brought the pox upon you and your lovely home.

The Bipolar Diva said...

Yes, Porter gets the diaper changing duty!

The Atomic Mom said...

Hey maybe you could get Tony to grow a 'stache like that. The Three Amigos!

And onto another thing....try and get some yogurt or acidophillis tablets (in the vitamin isle), that should help with the runs. Another thing is to boil white rice then have Max drink the rice-water. It should plug him up nicely.

The Driggs said...

My favorite comment had to have been that you wondered if the plague came because you hadn't watched enough conference. I am sorry you are all feeling icky and hope that things clear up soon!

Bryson Jones said...

MAN, why is it that I only have time to get updates on the fam through their blogs as 1:00 AM the night before a huge test??? I digress...

ummm.... I LUH-UV your blog. Truly the highlight of my week. P.S., just commented on Jere's, but you guys are awesome. You just roll with the punches and always keep the faith. I was telling Jere, I've felt a lot of the same things lately, but I am certain that the Lord will make things all work out. If we do ours, he MUST do his. Anywho, the job thing, oliver, the sick junk.... Totally gonna work out.

Love you both! Thanks for keeping us laughing :)

Taylor Morris said...

I'm with Porter! Mustaches are hilariously awesome. Maybe I'll grow a mustache in solidarity...

DianD said...

Hummm! Can't count the number of times your dad had different facial do's! And after his full (though sculpted)beards needed to come off, he'd shave different looks and have me take pictures to see if he liked them! :) He had massive sideburns, handlebar stashes, full beards, but the fumanchu look (that you call a porn stash) wasn't one he ever sported. He just didn't like the looks of it! My least, LEAST, LEAST favorite (like in I HATE IT) is the 3 day growth look that some think is "so hot!" YUCK!!! Dirty looking on them, yucky feeling on the woman, NO! Who started that one anyway?!?!? Hope you're all feeling better soon!

DianD said...

Hummm! Can't count the number of times your dad had different facial do's! And after his full (though sculpted)beards needed to come off, he'd shave different looks and have me take pictures to see if he liked them! :) He had massive sideburns, handlebar stashes, full beards, but the fumanchu look (that you call a porn stash) wasn't one he ever sported. He just didn't like the looks of it! My least, LEAST, LEAST favorite (like in I HATE IT) is the 3 day growth look that some think is "so hot!" YUCK!!! Dirty looking on them, yucky feeling on the woman, NO! Who started that one anyway?!?!? Hope you're all feeling better soon!

Mel said...

NO, No, No to mustaches. I agree, the pox on your house is 150 percent Jere's fault. Hope you guys get to feeling better soon.