Fifth Grade......Home on the "elephant" range.

FIFTH GRADE

FALL 1982

AGE 9

Let us discuss this travesty of hair?  WHAT is going on? I actually distinctly remember crying when I got these pictures back, because I was sure I looked too much like a BOY!. And, please note the AWESOME prairie shirt, which was totes my fave at the time.  It accompanied a fab prairie skirt in blue denim, trimmed with white eyelet lace.  WHO was rockin?  I was!

The style of class picture changed, which was great cause you could see everyones face, but not so great, because you do NOT get full effect of the clothes.  But, may I point out a few notables here.  First and foremost...just to the left of me on bottom row;  I give you John Doan (first grade chaser) in all his "chester" glory with the transitions lenses.  Word to the wise; parents, just DON'T do that to your kids!  Down my same row over 3 from me is Stuart (totally sporting his BOY SCOUT uniform).  He was the ONLY person I'd ever heard of this strange name Stuart.  And I always thought it was sooo fitting, 'cause he was a little nerdy and he had no neck.  STUART.  So funny to look back and wonder why a name made such an impression. Next row up, 2nd one in from the Right..."MY ARCH NEMESIS"...Ben Stayner.  He made my life Hell, and I'll tell you more later. Directly above Ben was my best friend forever and cousin Karen.  You been around here long enough, you've seen pics of her now.  Her hair was pretty rockin too, come to think of it.  Just above Karen and kitty corner is David Thompson.  I was SEER-EE-US-LY in L.O.V.E with him.  I just could hardly take it how "dreamy" he was.  I daydreamed a lot that he would love me and my boy hair in my prairie skirt.  Sadly, it never came to be. Two girls to the left of David is a girl named Corky.  CORKY!  Again...parents...THINK, I implore you!  Oh, and please don't miss the girl directly above me.  Who is NOT loving her totally awesome roach clip in her hair?  Feathers were so hawt then.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Dixie, Porter, Jenny, ME

I simply could NOT do this post on my 5th grade year without sharing THIS photo.  What stands out in this to you?  Porters totally GQ pose as a kindegartner? Or perhaps the nametage he's sporting that is nearly as big as him.  Jennys bangin knickers? (which were totally the rage that year, and My MOM made all of our clothes in this pic) Perhaps its the wierd placement of my hand on Jennys ahem...chest.  Or wait...is it possibly the skin tight, painted on so I could barely breathe, up my cooch and butt crack to be sure yellow booty shorts? Oh yeah, you noticed that right?  I have literally wondered my ENTIRE life why it is that my Mom let me traipse off to school like this, at all, much less first day.  Impressions people, impressions! And see, I told you....Jenny = stick figure to Me and my "chub."  Though, I was rather tan, so there is that.

And just for good measure....so you get FULL effect of the tightness of these bad boys.  Here's a fine booty shot as we head on out for our walk (and it was a full mile thankyouverymuch) to school.  Please also note our totally rad SQUARE backpacks.  But clearly, I was a fab older sister..offering up my hand to my A for adorable little bro as he faced his big first day of the garten.  No tearful goodbyes at the door of class from our Mama. hahahahaha   Seriously..I'm still wondering how I got those things on.  WOW!


Moving on....FIFTH GRADE.  'Twas the year of all things Prairie and knickers.  My Mom was a FABULOUS seamstress and made pretty much all of our clothes that year.  I had a couple of super spectacular prairie shirts and several pair of knickers with matching shirts.  And you've of course all seen the smokin shorts.  Let's just cut right to the memories, shall we?

1.  My teachers name was MiZ Thorpe.  And well, she was QUITE different from my 4th grade teacher.  Mrs. Jarvis, as you'll recall was sunshine and lollipops, while MiZ Thorpe struck me more as, well, for lack of a better word..a "hag." Like her inner monologue was something along these lines...."Oh GAwwwwwwwwwwd, hack, cough, get me through this day with these hideous little hellions. WHY do I do this to myself."  As she took a drag of her 340th cigarette for the day.  No really, CHAIN.SMOKER with a big fat pot of coffee at all times.  She reaked of smoke and coffee.  Not that she wasn't nice enough...just less fuzzy if you will.  I'd love to know what has become of her.

2.  This year begins yet again with a rather unfortunate, everyone gets weighed in the nurses office inicident.  I was now 5'3" tall (indeed, I told you...I'm TALL) and I weighed in at 113 lbs.  Now, in the grand scheme of life, 5'3 and 113 lbs. is really not bad.  However, when you're NINE and everyone else is a good 4 to 5 inches shorter than you and weighs nowhere near the 100's, AND you are still in baby fat, and haven't redistributed that weight..well, you're just BIG!  So, there was this boy, his name is Ben Stayner, and he was in my ward, AND my class and he was just, well he was MEAN!  He was awful, and mean and spiteful and forever made my life hell.  In fact at the age of 13 I stopped going to Sunday School altogether because of him and some other boys.  I didn't need thier CRAP!  But, I digress.  As it was, 5th grade sucked for EVERY time Ben got mad at me, or just felt like being a BUTT HEAD he would yell out at me..."WHATEVER you big fat 113 lb. ELEPHANT!"  Or something along those lines.  Issues much?  Yeah, it sucked.  However, just so everyone knows..we totally made up and were friends by highshool. And NOW....I truly love and respect who he is as a man and a father.  He's one of my favorite people.  He lives a few streets over from me with his fabulous wife and 4 kids.  So see, it all worked out in the end.  Boys just will be boys and sometimes they're extra jerkfaced, meany heads.

3.  I sat next to the nicest boy named Brian Feldkerchner, he was my friend.  One day...he totally ripped a big ol' tooteroony in the middle of class!  As it reverberated off the hard plastic seat, the sound was deafening!  Since I've NEVER been able to be mature when it comes to flatulence, I totally busted out laughing til I cried.  Poor Brian, I'm not sure he ever recovered from THAT embarassment.

4. I was Mark Barbaris "secretary".  See I TOLD you I had high aspirations for secretarydom from a very early age.  And, by secretary I mean...I would sit next to him and literally WRITE his notes for him that he wanted to give to girls.  Who does that?  i do apparently.  I was a pleaser, and I just wanted to do my part for his happenin love life.  I'm sure I had some sort of crush on him as well.

5.  David Thompson (insert total 70's bow chicka bow bow music here).  I had it BAAAAD for him.  I thought he was so adorable and cute and fabulous.  I would daydream for hours about him, and about him liking me, and asking me out, and maybe even having a kiss.  Which, upon further review is HYSTERICAL, 'cause he had the worlds bushiest unibrow ever.  And, as it turns out, well, let's just say...not so much.

6.  We had a classroom money system called Gwobs.  You earned them by doing homework, or good behaviour, or whatever.  At certain times of the year we would have Gwob auctions. You could buy all kinds of "goodies" either brought in by classmates (like a total ghetto garage sale if you will) or stuff Ms. Thorpe had for sale.  Man I loved me some Gwobs and the auctions that accompanied.  Needless to say, I had a pretty good stash o' the cash.  And I would go to town and buy up all the trash I could.  So great, thos gwobs.

7. Oh sooky sooky now.  This was the year of "the talk".  Where we went to the library, as a group of girls and got the talk on periods, and pads and tampons and whatever else there was.  It was so "scandalous" to me.  And well, also fascinating.  But, there was this girl in my class, and she had no Mom.  Her Mom had died I think.  Which also was so fascinating.  Because, have I mentioned...I lived in the most PERFECT bubble of perfect ever.  I was blessed, I was lucky.  I had a Mom and a Dad nd lots of bros. and sisters and friends and a neighborhood of awesome.  (Hmmm, come to think of it, I STILL have a Mom and Dad and lots of bros. and sisters AND friends, AND a neighborhood of awesome.  However, I'm totally ON TO the crap in the world and the "suck" of life). I didn't know of all the tragedy and crap in the world.  So, shock of shocks, this girl had no Mom.  So, on the day of "the talk" her DAD came.  Gasp, shock.  It was "the talk" of the class.  Now I feel so horrible that anyone made a big deal out of this.  It had to have been so awful for her on so many levels.

Hmmm, 5th grade is not so chock full of memories.  Besides the Epic FAIL of the yellow shorts, and the collosol cruelty of Benny boy...there isn't much of excitement to recall.  I can totally remember exactly where I sat in that classroom and how it was laid out, but not much beyond that.  And perhaps that is because 6th grade was HUUUUGE!  I mean to say, the things I learned, did, experienced were life changing.  I'm pretty sure she's gonna have to be a definite 2 parter, 'cause well, HUUUUUUGE!!!

So, with that said....I'm gonna sign off and maybe actually go to bed.  How novel of me.

We got to go to a friends house for about 45 minutes tonight and sit by their pool and watch fireworks, that was really fun and a nice end to this day.  It was a strange 4th.  No bbq, no parties.  Just church, which was great, and a nap and hanging out at home.  So, nice to see some fireworks.  Hope you all had great 4ths.  I am really grateful to be an American, and to live in this country.  In spite of all the crap, and the crap that runs our country now, I continue to be grateful and blessed to have the freedoms and life that I do have.

I was moved in church today as we sang the The Star Spangled Banner and I got to the 3rd verse (for the record, totally don't know the 2nd and 3rd verse AT ALL) and it said:
"And this be our motto: In God is our trust! And the Star Spangled banner in triumph shall wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!"

And THAT my friends is just what is missing!  A tear may have fallen, I can't say for sure.  But, I do trust in God, and thank him daily for my freedom!

Happy 4th and happy memories to you all!


Prairie shirts and elephant stomps,

Allyson