Friday, July 15, 2011

The Opinion Edition

Alrighty then.....I just have a little something I need to get off my chest.  It's ranking up there with jeggings, if that is any indication.  Lets just get the obvious out there.  These are MY opinions, and only my opinions.  I realize that I have strong opinions.  'Tis who I am.  Or so I've been told.

Last week I was in a place where really, only happy thoughts and kindness should exist.  But this IS me we're talkin about, and well, my opinionation reared its head, even in the "happy" place.  'Cause, well, there was this woman, and her get up was so ridiculous that it bothered me the entire time.  And, in my defense, it bothered my sisters and Mom too.

Here goes:

People.....just because you're 1/30th Jamiriquiahookilow Indian, does NOT mean that you should act like you are full blooded.  Grasp on to some reality.  There are TRACE amounts of that blood running through your white girl veins.  TRACE AMOUNTS!  Listen up Pocahontas, wearing your hair in semi ponytail/braid things resting squarely on the front of either shoulder in a CLEAR homage to your "so called Native American heritage" is SO 19th Century.  Give up the dream white girl, that canoe paddled away long ago.  Also, your fringed overshirt.....killing me.  I just do NOT get that.  It's like super white guys who like to pretend they're, well, not white.  My fave example being Seth Green in the movie "Can't Hardly Wait (you really should watch it.  cute movie)."  He thugged it out and finally one day his friend said..."You're a WHITE GUY, have you LOOKED in the mirror lately?"  Clearly this lady didn't have such a good friend, to you know, slap her face into some 21st Century reality.


Ladies, if you are anywhere near the neighborhood of 60 and above, LET THE LONG HAIR GO!  Seriously.  Nothing is more disturbing or disconcerting than a 65 yr. old with her hair in pig tails.  My own grandmother was a hippy to the core and until her dying day (somewhere near 80) she had long, stringy hair, that she was want to wear in pig tails from time to time.  ICK! I would like to make a small disclaimer here......IF you are Kirstie Alley, then your long hair is ok.  Because you don't look like you're 60, nor act like it and you look good.

Which brings me to my next point.  Please dress age appropriately.  You can be stylish and still be age appropriate.  I do NOT need, nor want to see women of age in booty shorts. I'm not saying that once you get "older" that it's nothing but leisure suits and mumus.  No no, there are MANY excellent fashion choices for you out there.

Because yeah, this is NEVER appropriate. Nope, NEVER!  Shame on Dillards for selling them. 
Sorry CJane, you just CAN'T make the mumu cool.

Oh Rudolph.....why'd ya gotta do that?  Santa not paying you enough, you needed a side job, modeling for this attrocity?

And niether is this.  Holiday themed sweaters, sweatshirts, etc.  Just not acceptable.  Embarassing really.  And yet, they just keep being made, and bought.  And even though it may have been the late 80's, early 90's....i'm saying to a certain sister of mine (who shall remain nameless to protect her fashionista identity)....still wasn't acceptable.  They're ugly.  They scream GRAMMA (or teacher, cause you all know you had teachers who wore these hideous things), and not in a warm and loving way.  Sorry Mom.  I know you've rocked a Christmas sweater or two.

And since I'm on a roll here.  May as well cover certain hair trends i've seen.

Just what the what is this?  Besides totally ugly?
(this does look suspiciously like someone used a sharpie on a picture to achieve these purple streaks)
Random streaks of loud colors.....lame!
Worse though......just tinging the ends with a little turquoise and pink, or any color for that matter.  L-uh-AME!

Though this MAY take the cake for stupid and ugly. 
"Has anyone seen my face?  i seem to have misplaced it amongst this bumped out MOUND of zebra hair.  Help me!?"
People are so WIERD!

I will say though.....I do enjoy this current trend:

Wee tiny feathers......IN YOUR HAIR!  I have several friends that have done it and they are really cute.  You can wash them, and curl them and do whatever with them.  From far away, they look like a tiny braid.  So see, I'm not all hate, all the time.  I do like some things.

Anyway....mostly just want to help people with these 10 simple rules:

1. Accept your ethnicity
2. Don't try to be any other ethnicity
3. Wear your hair AGE appropriate
4. Dress age appropriate
5. BAN all holiday themed/appliqued attire from your wardrobe
6. Remember Mumus are baaaaaaad!
7. Color your hair allll over.
8.  Crimping is ugly (sorry that just crept in there)
9. Feathers are cool.
10.  Just say NO to jeggings! (what?  it had to be said again)

Opinionatedly yours,


P.S.  I didn't post more house tour, because I think you're all bored with it, or me.  Just keepin it real.


Sabes said...

Um, I was really REALLY nervous reading this post waiting for what I just knew you were going to say about hair feathers, hahahaha!!!! I am so glad you like them! After I read that you like them, I realized I was nervous, and started laughing at myself

LadyCarma said...

I appreciate your candid thoughts. I have always felt that older women, myself now included, look ridiculous in LONG hair. Now I know how the younger ladies view it!
I hate the current hair styling of streaking with the dark colors, intermixed with dark red, and blond. Somehow it just looks like a skunk! And we all know how much we love the skunk look. Since I have moved to Las Vegas, I see the ugliest hair streaking that just makes me wonder what the hair stylist was thinking! "I do not like it Sam I am. I do not like anywhere."

Kristina P. said...

So, what I get from this is that you you are super laid back and really don't care what people do?

alison said...

that is the third time this week that i have seen the feathers....a friend casually mentioned that she was considering getting a few and i was all, "i have GOT to see that!" because all i could envision were the bright neon feathers you get at the county fair that attach to your head via roach clips. i have to admit that i am diggin' the actual look though....although i could never pull it off. besides, you'd never see 'em in my wild mane o'hair! that being said, i agree on ALL of the above in your post! maybe we should all print it out and throw it at anyone breaking any of the rules ;)

Wendy said...

I saw the mu-mu and had to stop in to see what was up! Pretty funny stuff here. Still not personally sold on the feathers, but I had noticed something was up with that wild color streaked in with no apparent plan on people of many ages.

I don't know tho, some day I would just like to buy a freak flag
and... BaBy!!!!

Rebecca Watson said...

This is a very cool and funny post! I actually have four feathers in my hair - and I can hide them if I want when I am in a professional environment like work! but some people do go wayyyy overboard with the feathers...

This was a good post! thanks for being so opinionated!!!

LanaBanana said...

Those were some random thoughts. But it made me laugh. Especially the hair crimping hiccup at the end. Hilarious post.

Amanda said...

Where the hell is the photo of this?

jen said...

I don't know what to say. How could you insult everything I stand for and do?
Oh--because you're right on and I should change my ways immediately.
I thought someone should speak for all the people who should have read this post and won't.

The Atomic Mom said...

Again, you are spot on.

I screamed about an old lady in pigtails the other day. Seriously, cut your hair, do not wear pig tails if you are over the age of 9.

As for the muumuus, thank you...I think Cjane is all wrong about that.

Dixiechick said...

Oh yes. Now THAT's what I'm talking about. An old school Allyson blog post. Love it. :)

Amanda said...

I did tell my husband about this post today... he didn't get it... sigh..

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Um, yikes? I couldn't agree more with this post. Especially the hair thing ... what-the-what is going on with that girl's zebraed-out 'fro?

DianD said...

I agree with most of the post! Not a fan of the feathers, though. But totally agree on the neon, zebra-styled or pink or blue or streaked hair of any color. YUCK. I find that as obnoxious as all the body grafiti, piercings, freak clothes, etc. However, some themed Christmas sweaters are okay! :) Not as big a fan as I once was. Though I do rock me some Halloween ones each year! Deal with it!. :) I'm entitled to my opinion, too! :) Peace out!

Lene said...

You had me until the feathers.