Thursday, July 21, 2011

What the SUCK?

I believe the term I'm looking for here is..."Shit happens"?  You've all heard it, Right?  Well, there is that term, and then there is SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!

It has been a BANNER day of "the suck" here at Casa MVP.  For real, UN-BEE-LEAVE-ABLE caca poopy happening around here.

Owning a house with toddlers and small children should just not be allowed.  I want a re-do.  Can we rewind and start over?  Please?

Right, so here is my day.

Got up, fiddled around for a bit, fed the kids breakfast and then decided to be such a NICE Mommy and take them all swimming (Brooklyn spent the night).  We swam for a good long time.  I worked with Maggie on her swim skillz.  I worked with Brooklyn on her diving into the water (it didn't help) and just played out there forever.  Totally deserving the good mom points, especially because I don't enjoy swimming as just a for the sake of doing it thing.  Got them all dried, in the house, ready to take showers.  Brooklyn and Maggie were gonna do a duo shower, so I turned on the water for them, got it just the right temp and then turn the knob for the shower.  Suddenly, water was spraying at me FROM.THE.WALL. 

What the hell? 

I reached up to stop it and turn the water off at the same time, when suddenly, the entire shower head and part of the pipe just came OUT of the wall. 

WHAT THE HELL? 

Brooklyn then calmly says, "Oh, that was Maggie?" Excuse me?  Maggie did what? She then says that Maggie had "swung" on the shower and it broke. which, if true, happened yesterday, and they never bothered to inform us.  So, here is what our current shower situation looks like.

Not looking good.
Apparently she "swung" from the tubing of the detachable showerhead part.
Look here Tarzana, what ever would possess you to DO that?

Something tells me I am SCREWED!

And here is what the Mom looks like now:

I was so, for lack of a better term.....pissed and shocked, i couldn't even cry about it.  At the time I needed to get in the shower and hurry because we needed to leave to pick up our car (that story coming).

So, we all get showered in my shower(not at the same time, trust me, my shower is mini) and I finally finished getting ready.  I had Jere herd the kids toward the car so we could try and move faster.  I heard the garage door going, and then an "uh oh, this isn't good."  Only to see the garage door STILL down.  Jere said, "it sounds like its working, but its not moving."  Then Maggie says, ever so nonchallantly  "Oh, that's Brooklyn.  She broke it."  WHAAAAAAAAAAT?????
Yep, Brooklyn pipes up, well Maggie told me to.  Really, Fanny follower, if she told you to eat her poop, would you?  She had grabbed a hold of this red cord thing and hung from it, and SNAPPED the main wire that lifts the garage door.  All in just a matter of seconds.  Jere had turned his back to take his meds, heard a thud against the garage door, but didn't think anything of it.  Ta DA!  Destructo and her partner struck again.

You have GOT to be FREAKING kidding me at this point.
Pretty sure there were flames, heaving, breathless, white hot flames on the side of my face. It was a rage and a frustration like no other.  I mean really.  WHY?  I've lived here exactly 1 month and already two MAJOR repairs that trust me, I can NOT afford to do.  I may or may not have lost my Shishkabob on them, and totally sucked at motherhood.  Jere had to excuse himself, for fear he may hurt someone.  BUT, we didn't have time to punish, discipline or cry.  We were very late to pick up the car and get jere to work.  So, we piled in, in stoney silence (after we'd calmed Max down, who was crying and upset because we were upset, and thought HE was in trouble, poor thing) and drove to get the car.

I called my parents and cried, and told them everything.  Their response?  "I'd forgotten how much little kids can destroy."  and "You had better spank them hard and sit them in a corner."  And essentially (though not verbalized) "wow, sucks to be you."


See that little black wire?  Yeah, it's not s'posed to be just dangling there like that.  Nope, not s'posed to do that, AT.ALL.

See that face?
Serenity now!!!!
I believe Jeres comment as we were driving away was..."We shoulda just moved into an apartment."  Agreed!  I can't handle all this stuff.  It's too stressful.

THE VAN:

So, a couple weeks ago, we drove to workshop....all was well.  After we got home that day (between shows) I ran to grab some dinner.  But right away I could tell something was wrong, because instead of cool air blowing in my face, there were fiery darts from hell, blasting at me.  Somewhere between coming and going, the air had broken.  So, I hustled it down to our mechanic.  When he called me the next day and the first words out of his mouth were "do you have any warranty left?"  I KNEW we were not in for happy times.  Apparently, the clutch on the compressor had gone out, which is fairly unheard of in cars with as little miles as mine, and or on a HONDA!  But of course it happened to me.  OF COURSE!  He then informed me that it would be $1100.00.  Kill me now.  He suggested I take it to the dealer and plead my case (only 3000 miles past my warranty, take care of it, etc.) and see if they'd work with me.  After I cried and hyperventilated and yelled at God for awhile i decided to do just that.  I made an appt. at the dealership and took it down.  I explained all those things and they said they'd see what they could do.  Long story short.....Honda said they would "goodwill" fix it for me this one time and they completely fixed it under warranty so it cost me NOTHING!  Thank you for the small miracles. HOWEVER, when they were fixing it they found that my front engine mount was broken (also vERY rare for a car my age) and I needed new front breaks.  The dealership was gonna charge my 700+bucks for that.  So, I said, no thanks and called Hon-Man (my bro. in law and parents swear by him).  He said he'd fix it for nearly 300 less.  So, I took it in yesterday and today i got to pick it up. 

Hence, my added stress and frustration that I was shelling out $500 big ones for the car, while my kid and niece had done 1000's of dollars of damage at the house.
And lest we all forget....Millie (Jeres car) took a dump earlier this summer.  That little axel explosion cost us NINE HUNDRED dollars.  But, don't worry, she's workin like a champ now.

NOT.TO.MENTION......


This really pretty looking dishwasher only worked ONE TIME after we moved in.  Then, well, it just won't do anything.  Not even start.
Yet ANOTHER thing on the list.  Which I THOUGHT I might be able to get fixed.  but now.....not so much.  Which means....

Dirty dishes in my sink.
I hate washing dishes.
But I do it, daily.
Blech!
At least it's a lovely DEEP and big sink.  It can hide a lot of dishes.
Also, thank goodness I don't do much cooking these days.  Less dishes to wash.

So there you have it.  The story of our suck!

I HAD to sit down and write about it, otherwise I woulda just sat here and cried and or continued to rage and be pissed more.  How ridiculous that one of the first thoughts after it had all gone down was...."well, at least I'll finally have something to blog about."

Seriously....like my Mom said earlier.  You may as well laugh about it, because otherwise all you'd do is cry.  I know that's true.  And i'm really trying not to freak out on an epic level, I am.  But, it's sorta overwhelming and scarey round here at times.

With that said, I'm off to do something mind numbing so I don't have to think about the state of affairs round here.  The kids have been banished to their room for naps, and who knows.....maybe I'll just keep them there indefinitely.  One thing I do know for sure, they TOTALLY aren't getting the cookies they wanted.  HMPH!

Signed....the keeper of Tarzans apprentices,

Allyson

19 comments:

Susan in SC said...

So sorry for all of your "accidents" and car woes. I have 2 ten yr old boys and I am here to tell you that it doesn't get any easier. I feel your pain! :)

alison said...

whoooooooo buddy. ain't home ownership grand??? i wish i had words of advice for you, but my three are destroying my house so fast that i am pretty sure we'll be living outdoors sometime around winter. but you're right....ya just have to laugh about it otherwise you'll just cry in despair until those angels hit 18 and move out!

Crandell Fam said...

Oh Allyson, I am so sorry my Fanny Follower had to go and break your garage door. Oh this whole thing blows! I feel terrible. And, just so you know, I also completely feel you pain. My two boys have destroyed more things than I can even count, and they're older and should know better but still do! :( not cool at all.

The Bipolar Diva said...

sigh. I'm so sorry. Sometimes, who am I kidding? most times I just want to be a kid again.

Becky said...

Wow! Just wow. I'm pretty sure the whole destructive child thing is going around right now. We've had some doozies lately. But nothing of that magnitude. I feel ya about the laugh or else you're just going to cry thing. Anyway, next time I feel sorry for myself that we still live in an apartment, I will remember your story. As my MIL says, "can't we ever have nice things?!" Ugh. :)

Jere said...

Remember that Oprah show we saw about the family that raised the girl in the dog-cage for seven years and only served one year in jail for it?

I'm thinkin' it's worth the trade. Just sayin'...

The Atomic Mom said...

I am just really, really sorry is all....

Kristina P. said...

I think you need a life warranty.

But really, we have a home warranty, and it's awesome. We've gotten a new water heater, the AC and heater fixed, the plumbing fixed, etc. for much, much cheaper than it would have been at cost.

jen said...

Is it cruel to say that this post is exactly what I needed today? We avoided all the catastrophic issues you described, but I also had a helluva day. Glad we were in the same boat. Should have headed over here. We could have commiserated and beaten kids together!

Amanda said...

wow. just wow. I hope you have good friends (maybe from church?) who can help you out and fix your stuff for hundreds less! I think your kids should get jobs to pay for the damage.. just sayin!

and btw-- you look great mama! your photos on your blog don't do you justice even when you are mad as h3ll!

DianD said...

Aren't ya glad you blogged about it?!?! Especially since you can blog tomorrow about the outcome :)
Guess the next thing you should remember to do is "Thank" God for your blessings (instead of cursing him for your challenges EVEN WHEN you can't possibly see a blessing right then in any of it). And then look for any blessing in the challenge! I promise you'll find life so much more palatable. There will NEVER be a time when the fairy tale ending goes on and on and on. It just ain't life! There will ALWAYS be challenges and things that could be considered unpleasant, unless you blog, laugh and ask to see the blessing. Love you my "Pretty little, Allyson, whose smile is so bright....When I see you face light up... It makes my day alright!" Mom

Krystal Trapnell said...

You win. Crappy crappy day. Why do we have kids?

LanaBanana said...

I had no idea that your day had been such a dump hole!! Hopefully I read right that Troy was able to help you out tonight with these issues?? Seriously, that is ridiculous. Kids ruin everything. And then they just stand there starting blankly at you while you rage and scream like a wild monkey. It's so frustrating. :) Can Troy do anything about the dishwasher??

Wendy said...

Wow, you just didn't realize God softened the heart of the Honda Dealership because he knew more expenses were coming your way!

Terrible things do seem to run in packs! Isn't it wonderful that you can handle that many heartbreaks in one day!!! You are amazing! ;-)

One should never keep that much drama to themselves!

I liked Jere's comment.

We found a great replacement oven for $120 on Craigs List. All the people upgrading to stainless appliances are a blessing, maybe you can grab a dishwasher that way?

WhisperingWriter said...

Man.

Sounds like you could use a lot of chocolate.

Or an alchoholic beverage.

Steph said...

Oh, that IS crappy! Good luck!

Sandra said...

Ya, my husband and I have pretty much agreed we aren't going to own anything new for another 10-14 years (our youngest is 7.)
My jaw dropped when I saw how your daughter had pulled the shower right out of the wall. I'm not even sure how I would react to that either. For sure not cry!

Minky {moo} said...

oh man this made me remember how many things Heather and I broke when we were young! The best of which was when we crawled up on the ROOF and cracked the skylight. oh my mom just looooooooved us right then. Or the time we filled the bathtub with dish soap and slid down the bathroom floor and down the stairs on a waterfall of Dawn!

Oh yes. But with two boys, I am certain I'll get mine and my mom will think the same thing yours did "sucks to be you" at least you'll be able to tease her about it for ages!

Dana said...

Apparently the lesson learned here is that children = potty mouth parents. Glad you got it all figured out (cept the dishes thing) and I hear you on that one....I would rather go without a shower for 18 months than a dishwasher. :-)