Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Reality Bytes

Hello, my name is Allyson and I'm a reality TV hooer (whore, but saying it hooer makes it sound so much less offensive, don't ya think?). Generally, if it's reality, I will watch it (though there are some exceptions, of which I'll cover later). There is something about being a voyeur, about watching the train wrecks that live among us. It's fascinating to see people change their lives, wreck their lives, perform, fight, scream, be in love, out of love, etc. And, if you know me AT ALL you know that I have some VERY strong opinions about things and if you've ever watched a show with me, you realize I voice said opinions regularly. It's amazing how much I can HATE someone on these shows, like seething, white hot hate someone, or conversely, adore someone. I know, it's embarrassing, it's so unbecoming of me, that's why I've convened this group session. I need to air this, and try and overcome myself a little. I mean the "reality" is, it's all editing, the producers choose who they want as characters, as winners, losers, etc. We really have no control over anything, but man, there is a lot of fun in the watching, the "hating" the mindless release of viewing someone else make a fool of themselves, or being inspired by somone who is doing amazing things to improve themselves. Reality TV is the greatest invention since, well, since anything, may it never go away.

So, without further ado, I've decided to post in somewhat a favorite to least favorite order, MY reality shows, with a brief detour to cover those shows I will not, or do not watch.

I WILL NOT watch ANYTHING with "real housewives" in the title. What a bunch of crap. I will not watch Survivor, never have, never will, it bugs me. I used to watch The Bachelor, I no longer do or will. It's just so contrived and stupid, and none of them except Trista has ever worked. I REFUSE to see crap like Flavor of Love, Rock of Love or Girls Next Door, or any stupid reality show based around a worthless celebrity or non celebrity who thinks they're a celebrity, which I guess means, NOTHING ON MTV ever!

The Amazing Race: This show holds a very special place in my heart. Way back when season 2 started, I was sitting in the living room of Julie Fischbecks house, while she and Jere were in the other room looking or listening to music. I was bored and I turned on her TV. There was this show starting called the Amazing Race. I have been HOOKED ever since. I will love Ken & Gerard and Team Cha cha cha forever! There have been seasons where we were so enraptured, we could barely breathe. We would have "Amazing Racebowl" parties where the food was plentiful and we were all there to see the final episode ane cheer the winners on. There was only one tragic misstep and that was the "family" season, that sucked! The adventure is grand, the views of the world amazing, the challenges insane, etc. If you don't watch this show, there is something wrong with you. It's on Sunday nights right now, check it out.
Forever hated from this show: Flo, Victoria, any of the stupid dating models. I can't remember the names of the ugly older couple from season 2, and I know there are others.
Forever LOVED: The hilarious brothers from season 4 or 5, Ken & Gerard, Cha cha cha, Uchena and Joyce, Chip and Kim and others.

The Biggest Loser: What is NOT to love about a show that shows you people getting skinny. Literally working their asses off before our eyes. It is ridiculously inspiring and amazing in every way. Do I think/know the show is totally rigged as to who they want in the finals, yes, but that is beside the point. The point is, watch, learn, be inspired, go out and do something healthy. I particularly love this season, there are some great people on their. Sione is my fave, followed closely by Kristin. Totally done with Ron, but whatev. Season 2 was my favorite with Matt and Suzy, and then Season 3 with Eric, so AWESOME!!! And I heart Bob forever!

So You Think You Can Dance: Oh my WHERD I l-o-v-e this show! Perhaps it's because I am a totally tragic non-dancer. I'm living my dreams through them, that could be. But, whatever the case, it's just sooooo fun to watch them dance, and see what choreographers come up with week after week. It is safe to say that I'm totally in love with Wade Robson and his choreography. He's a total freak of nature, but man, his Rama Lama Bang Bang from season 2, UNTOUCHABLE!!!!! And, who wouldn't love Mia Michaels and her freakishness. I like to use the term banoodles, just in honor of her. I'm soooo excited for that show to come back, and fear not friends, it starts on May 21, mark you calendar NOW!

Project Runway: Are you kidding me? Soooooo fun! I'm the least fashionable person ever, I don't get it at all, but man I sure love to see what they can create in no time flat. People with vision amaze me! And furthermore, who does NOT love Tim Gunn, he's the best!

Top Chef: Again, not a foodie, and certainly not a chef, though I can make a few things quite well. There is something so fascinating and fun about watching people have to create meals out of crap found in a vending machine, or at a Circle K. Of course they do many other challenges, but that was a couple they had to do. And, because of this show, I now have the misfortune of knowing what a monk fish is and what the heeby jeeby it looks like.

American Idol: What is there to say? There are singers, some really sucktastic and some really great. Chris Daughtrey will forever be my boyfriend, oh how I love him. It is through this show that I discovered I have some freakish hidden love for dirty rockers. I won't lie, I loved Constantine and Bo Bice (hey you can't deny that guy could seriously entertain). Chris Daughtrey just melted me, and still does. So, as it is currently running, let's discuss the good and the bad.
This season my boyfriend is totally Danny Gokey. I LOVE him, everything about him. His voice, YUM, his glasses, his sweetness, just love it all. Krys Allen, cute and really pretty good, underestimated. Matt G., that kid can seriously kick A. Last night he sucked, but that's beside the point. And of course Adam Lambert. I think I could write an entire entry just on him. His vocal skills are so retarded it's mind boggling. I have NEVER seen someone with such utter and true control over their instrument. He does things that just shouldn't be possible. I realize that he is really too gay to function, he's freaky and wierd with his obnoxious hair and painted nails. But, you can NOT deny the talent. Frankly, he is in a whole league of his own. As for the girls, they aren't even worth talking about. It's embarrassing really. Judges, i like the new girl, LOVE Simon, hate Paula, 'cause she's stupid and Randy is just annoying. Ok, got that covered.

Americas Next Top Model: Seriously, talk about freakshows and trainwrecks. Sorta makes me sad to know what messes exist out there. However, to see how they can turn ugly girls into stunning with hair, makeup and camera shots is AMAZING!! Could totally do without Tyra, 'cause she bugs the crap out of me, but what can ya do?

Dancing with the Stars: Again with the dancing. I'm fascinated, in awe, impressed. And, it's super fun to make fun of the crappy "celebrities" who give it a whirl. Even when i don't think I'll like the season for who they have, I'm still drawn in. Drew Lachey will always be my favorite, though I really loved Joey Fatone and Apollo Anton Ono. I think too, it could be the fact that those dancer chicks and guys have the MOST amazing bodies ever and I marvel at how little they can wear and still look stunning.

Design Star: Can we say...David Bromstad?(season 1 winner) LOVE HIM! Let's face it, if it has to do with design/decorating of any kind, I'm a goner. I LOVE to watch pretty much anything on HGTV. I'm an interior designer in my heart/dreams. And this show is FAR superior to the gay Top Design on Bravo.

Extreme Makeover Home Addition: Can't stand Ty, and all the cheesy schlock, but I LOVE to see the new house and it's decorations at the end. I have been known to cry a time or two if I watch the families story, but mostly, just like to see the finished product.

Make Me A Supermodel: Bravos poor version of Top Model. It's sorta retarded, and yet, as stated, I'm a hooer and I watch it anyway. What is it with the model shows bringing out the real freaks who live among us.

Well, this is sufficiently long and ridiculous, but at least I've said my 2 cents worth. Please, let me know what your faves are or aren't. Who do you love or hate from this season of AI, or seasons past of other shows. Let's dish!

Reality and trainwrecks,



The Fischbeck's said...

First of all you make it sound like Jere and I were in the 'backroom' doing something naughty! That is slander madam!

Aaahh Amazing Race is THE best. And I don't have to tell you how I feel about beloved cha cha cha (and I am assuming you are referring to Teri and Ian as the ugly older couple.)

I am impressed with the number of shows you manage to fit in. Agree with Biggest Loser, American Idol, Top Chef and Dancing With the Stars (the others I have never watched). Can't BELIEVE that you don't do Survivor---alas I suppose we can still be friends. Although I am slightly hurt and highly offended at never getting an invite to one of these Amazing Racebowl parties. My sister in law attended a couples Amazing Race New Years Eve Party that I am dying to recreate. Of COURSE I won't invite you and then we will be EVEN! Ü

LanaBanana said...

You, of course, already know what shows I love, watch and who I like--mostly because I started watching all of them with you. So, thanks for making me a hooer too. Great post, completely entertaining to read. Biggest Loser last night was totally a let-down with them keeping worthless RON!!! UGH! :)

Dixiechick said...

Ugh. Thanks a lot Lana for giving Biggest Loser away. I shouldn't have read your comments yet. Only reality show worth my time in life right now is Biggest Loser. Actually it's the only show I watch at all, really. Truly the best. Although I will admit I had a fun time watching Mamma's Boys. It was super lame, but sometimes lame is just what the doctor ordered. :)

jen said...

You really should give Survivor a chance. It's entertaining.

Dana said...

Hey....from a total NON-Hooer. I LOVE Biggest loser. (my only real reality--start to finish--show) HATE Ron! I did have a stink of So You Think You Can Dance--cause you taught me. And I take an occasional peak at American Idol, although none this season. But, I think that was a totally wonderful and hilarious post. Honestly, can't you make some money somewhere with those writing skills.....cause they really are skills. You're great!

Andrea said...

I totally agree with Dana! You can write girl! I don't always comment but I do always read! My kids watch American Idol and I hear it in the background. I do know I like Danny though. Tara called him as the winner from day one. The Biggest Looser sometimes other than that I don't watch any of them. But that is because I don't really watch TV.

azandersens said...

I heart Danny on AI too. I actually texted in a vote for him last week, and for me that is HUGE.

Mel said...

I hate how I get sucked into reality tv, but I do. So many hours of my life I can't get back. We watch the stupid ones too that I'm quite sure we are the only people in the nation watching. (crowned, mama's boys, the starlet, etc.).
I agree with you on Survivor. It's so lame, and I can't believe its still on.
I've never really watched Amazing Race. This post makes me want to watch these shows with you.
When we had cable, we totally watched Flavor of Love, and it was hysterical! It was such a trainwreck.

I'm not super impressed with Idol this year. I like Danny, but thats about it. Adam drives me up the wall. Yes, he can sing and he's very confident on stage, but he just bugs me.

I do love Tyra's drama on Top Model. She's such a retard and I love her for that.
I love that you admit to being a reality tv hooer, instead of pretending you don't watch tv like me. :)

TJones2148 said...

well, as we both know, I'm the biggest reality tv hooer of all. I pretty much watch it all, except survivor...I'm with ya on that one. But Everything else, yup i watch it. Sad as it is. I'm just fascinated by everyon's lives, housewives, dancers, singers, models, famous people lookin for love, all of it.

You forget "super" in "Super Amazing Racebowl Party". Which we DEFINATELY need to have one for this finale. Its been a minute.

Greg and Tammy said...

I seriously LOVE the biggest loser this season!! My fave is Kristin! She is such a doll.

Andersonland said...

A few words....

Totally agree with you on "Real Housewives" the truth is, America could not handle you and I and our realness, and our showtune seriously.

Second, while I am a Survivor fan, I can understand why you don't like it. I am getting tire of it truthfully. much do I LOVE Amazing Race?? Can I tell you how BUMMMED I was last week when Mel and Mr Schneebly got Philiminated? Oh sadness. But now I'm pulling for Mom and Deaf son (both of whose names totally escape my fart-wracked brain presently!). As for seasons past....yes Team Cha-Cha, was the best. My other favorite was Tyler and BJ the Happy Hippies.

So the other day my Mom calls me and asks, "Have you ever seen that 'Great Race' show on CBS?" Ummm, yes Mom, I have, and it's the Amazing Race, but she still thinks it's the Great Race, and my dad still thinks it's a movie and does not understand why the Great Race is on every week...silly parents!