Dear Black Friday

Let it be known that I have NEVER done Black Friday.  I haven't had the need, nor desire to subject myself to the crazy that is Mamas in search of a hot deal.  My sisters are seasoned vets, do it every year.  So this year I decided to take one for the team (aka Maggie and Max) and jump into the swamp infested waters.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I am happy to say I survived Black Friday 2010, but just barely.  However, my experience has inspired a need to write a few letters.  I'm sure you'll appreciate what I have to say.  But first, a couple of pics, because that's how I roll.

The evening began at 10:00 p.m. in what can only be described as the worlds LONGEST line outside of Toys R Us.  Essentially it double wrapped the building, then snaked through the parking lot and then along a dirt embankment next to the road and out to the freeway.  It was all kinds of "awesome."

Here are my sis Dana and I a mere hour and 1/2 in to our evening.

Another 1/2 hour and we were IN the store.

Jenny was catnapping in her car and charging her phone whilst we froze our bum bums OFF!

I realize it's not the best quality.  But I was trying to show just a teeny bit of what the line was doing.  At this point we were at the curve of the snake, coming around teh back side of the building. Little did we know what was awaiting us inside.  But honestly....overall experience 3 hours, got what we wanted, not SO horrible.

Dear Toys R Us:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving the very LAST sale trike in the entire store just for me.  Max will be a road warrior, and I appreciate your help.  Boo on you for NOT having the princess bike on sale and for making me settle for the Minnie Mouse bike, as it was the LAST on sale bike there.  I sincerely hope that Maggie will not suffer crushing depression over NOT getting Princess over minnie bike.  HOWEVER....I do have a greater bone to pick with your ridiculous line set up.  Really, was it necessary to have the lines snake through pretty much EVERY aisle, so those of us still trying to shop had to squeeze our ample sized arses past the waiting people to TRY and get our goods?  I ask you, WAS.THAT.NECESSARY?  Also, could you please have a bit of foresight to perhaps, i don't know, stock a few more carts, and or bags, or trolleys or ANYTHING for us poor fools trying to purchase items from your establishment.  Because really, kicking boxes and carrying trikes through the store, and the 40 minute checkout line was not so much fun.  Furthermore, next year could you implement a no dumbass policy, so the rest of us "cool" people don't have to be annoyed by the "dumbass" in front of us in line that NEVER shuts up?  Thank you in advance for that one.

Mildly satisfied in Mesa

Dear Idiot parents,

Now I realize that we all want to save a buck or two.  I get it, no really I DO!  However, sweet idiots, if you are unable to procure babysitting for your 3 month old child then PLEASE for the Love of ALL; STAY HOME!  Do not drag your wee infant out into the freezing cold with nothing but a little blanket over them to stand in line for hours.  Worse yet....your toddlers!  I do not understand the mindset that this is ok to drag small children out into the middle of the night.  They should be asleep, in their beds, WARM.  Nothing is more important, not even a 5 dollar barbie.

Judgementally yours,

Allyson

Dear first people in line,

Can you please help me understand what on Gods green earth makes getting in line at 2 p.m. WORTH IT?  No family time, no real Thanksgiving....just camped out on a sidewalk waiting for EIGHT hours so you can possibly get something for 1/2 price.  I don't get this.  I just feel like my time and my family are worth more than the wasted hours in line.  So, I hope you got everything you dreamed of, 'cause really....you just gave up a lot for it.

Signed,

Confused

Dear Old Navy,

At least your lines are organized.  But that's the only nice thing I'll say.  Because the 24 zigs and zags that it took to get to the registar, WORSE than the line at pirates in Disneyland.  10 minutes to shop, 2 HOURS to check out.  LAME!  (for the record, I did not purchase there, but my sisters did).

No clothes for me,

Allyson

Dear QT,

Thanks for being the classiest convenience store anywhere.  But mostly, thanks from the bottom of my calorie ridden heart for the delicious and free donuts you were handing out at 3 a.m.  You sort of rock the Black Friday spirit.  And I'm quite sure that mild rush of sugar and carbohydrates are the ONLY thing that made it possible for me to get through and not kill someone at Kohls.

Deliciously yours,

Al

Dear Kohls,

You are the boil on retail shoppings Ass.  Quite possibly the WORST store set up ever known to man kind.  I mean really, going to Kohls is a dicey proposition on a Monday morning at 10 a.m. in AUGUST, much less Black Friday.  Seriously, your set up is so ass backwards and stupid taht I HAVE had to wait in ridiculously long lines, and or suffer the lack of a cart in the aforementioned monday in August.  So, getting my 30 dollar barbie kitchen and 15 dollar Tonka Truck were truly NOT worth the hellacious nightmare that the next 3 hours took on.  NO cart, NO NOTHING, and literally not ONE spare inch of space to walk around in.  Lines to checkout that lasted 3 hours.  Nothing says awesome quite like having to kick your merchandise, inch by painful inch through the store.  It was HELL and I will never, I repeat NEVER step foot in your store at Christmas time again.  So suck on that Kohls, suck on THAT!

Signed,

Kickin Kohls to the Kurb (oh my cleverness knows no bounds)

Dear Sports Authority,

Thank you for being super the awesomest EVER!  Thank you for extremely helpful, friendly and plentiful sales crew.  Thank you for handing me TEN DOLLARS just for walking through your door, and then another 10 bucks just for purchasing something.  Thank you for having a smoking hot deal on the perfect trampoline and then having said trampoline when I got back there.  Thank you for loading my heavy as hell trampoline onto a dolly so I could get it to the registar, and then holding said jumpy so I could go back to the devils store and help my poor, nearly dead sister finally check out and get to the car.  Thank you for then giving yourselves a hernia as you lifted the two ton tramp into the car for me.  Just THANK YOU for being the best experience of the day by far!  I'm soooo excited for my kids to finally have a trampoline of their own.  I will gladly record the squee from Max that is sure to be heard 'round the world, and send it your way.

My love and devotion always,

M's Mom

PICTURE BREAK:

The line for Sports Authority. 

So minimal. So nice.

I'm not mad, just tired

It's now 4:30 a.m. We've been at this for 6 hours at this point

Every part of my lower half HURT!

Wish I'd taken a picture of the back of my van with all the goods, but my brain was working on zero sleep in 24 hours at taht point.

Dear Wal-Mart and Target,

SUCKERS!  I didn't even attempt, nor bother to come your way.  Maybe next time you'll have some more enticing deals.  Or perhaps, there just won't even be a next time.

Sorry you missed me!

Dear Jenny and Dana,

Thanks for being such fantastic and amazing sisters and for coming along for the ride.  I love you both so much and could NOT have done this without you.

Love,

Allyson

Yep, I rolled into my parentals house around 6:45 a.m., unloaded Santas workshop into my Dads office and then decided I'd just crash there for a few hours, since my kids were already awake at home.  I dropped into bed just before 7 a.m. and tried to sleep for as long as I could.  Sadly, not a lot of sleeping happened.  So, around 11:00 I put my shoes on and headed home.  After some clean up of my house, which looked a little like a Tsunami of trash had hit it, some loving on my kids, some talking to Jere and a good long, hot shower, I went back to bed for a nap.  I got an awesome 3 hours in, which was much needed.  Many thanks to Julie for making that possible.

I really did get all but 2 of the things I set out to get.  My kids are completely set, and getting even more than I thought.  I'm actually excited for them to see their presents, and hope they love them as much as I think they will.  I have to give a shout out to my parents, because without them, and their generous Christmas gift, my kids wouldn't be having Christmas.  So, thank you Mom and Dad.  We love you and appreciate you SO MUCH!

Tomorrow I shall return with Happy Thanksgiving pics and a GREAT story from Sports Authority (it involves a blog stalker).

Sleepless and sloppy,

Allyson