Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Lifesaver and the post that takes a random detour into musical theatre.

First and foremost, I'd like to begin with a big fat thankyou to all who commented and gave me advice and encouragement.  It is much appreciated, I promise! Special props to my Mom for her funny comment.  Whatever Mom, we WERE perfect.

I feel like I should clarify that we here at Casa de la VP DO use the time out method,  where we tell them why they're going and then they must tell us why they were there upon release.  We use flicks and yes, gasp, even spanks when merrited.  We also use privelage revoking, soft talk, sweet talk, mean talk and yell.  Seriously, I think I try every tactic.  Mostly, what I get upon the time out or threatening is a big fat "up yours and a single finger salute" from Miss Sassy. (You KNOW that is sarcasm right?)  But really she will yell at me, scream NO, tell me she's NOT goin be my friend, or that she will frow me in the garbage.  It's awesome.  But occasionally the timeouts do work, and the privelage revoking holds some pull.  Next, we're gonna do soap in the mouth for her "sailor" like ways.  But that said, she did make up a sweet new song this morning, to which the lyrics ellude me.

P.S.  It's now 3 hours later and I have something to report.  Maggie got to experience her first soap tasting today.  Apparently she thought it'd be real "cute" to swear up a dammit streak with our cute, Bishops daughter, babysitter.  She just said it over and over.  So, when I walked in the door, the babysitter informed me that Maggie had used potty words.  I told Maggie that she had been warned and now she got to have soap in her mouth.  To say she freaked out would be an understatement.  She did NOT enjoy the taste, AT ALL.  After she'd finished screaming, and Daddy had helped her clean out her mouth, she came in to get a towell to shove on her tongue (which she held there for at least 40 minutes after) and I asked her if it was worth it?  Then I told her that when I was a little girl my Mom had put soap in my mouth too.  She said "WHY?"  I said it was because I talked sassy to her and said things I shouldn't.  To wich she said; "WHY?"  And I said, I don't know, why did YOU say that word?  And she said, "Because I want to say that word."  AWESOME!  So, something tells me, this won't be the last time she tastes the sweet sweet deliciousness of Lever 2000.

Ok, wanna know what is a lifesaver to me?

This little beauty.....she saves my hide at the ol' grocery store. 
Thank goodness for little cars attached to grocery carts, 'cause my kids feel like they have ARRIVED.  You should see Max steer that thing, he does it fast and furiously, with the hugest happy smile the entire time.

As long as steering wheels are attached (they tend to be broken off a lot at our ghetto Fry's) it keeps the wee ones occupied and happy for our entire shopping adventure.  Otherwise, I'm fighting Maggie to stay near the cart, and Max is standing on his head trying to do backflips off the cart.  AND, when Brooklyn is along, 2 are contained and she can walk along.  Seriously, whoever invented these, I heart you Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!

Please note, I took Maggie out looking 6 shades of awesome this day.  Nasty hair, mumu play dress and all.  See, I don't fight the battle every day.

In other news....I will be going to DAUGHTREY tomorrow night.  I'm so excited I can barely contain myself.  Julie and I will be rockin the hot rock'n'roll scene.  You KNOW i'll take pics and come back and report.

I apparently have this wierd secret love for dirty rockers.  It's so OUT of character for me that it's funny.  We just giggle about it around here.  'Cause if you don't know...I'm about as conservative and clean cut as they come.  But, I have the total hots for Steven Tyler, Bret Michaels (prior to gross reality shows) Steve Perry HELLO, and I LOVED Constantine on Idol, and Bo Bice, totally loved him (though his super fine hair grossed me out).  The MOMENT Chris Daughtrey appeared and then sang, I was IN LOVE!  He is SO my favorite AI boyfriend.  I also really liked Adam Lambert....I know, I'm all wierdsy like that.  On the other hand, I was also ridiculously obsessed with Clay Aiken.  I own his cd's, and I went to his concert as well. 

Let's put this into perspective...I have been to a grand total of like 6 concerts in my life.  Let me run them down for you:

Garth Brooks/Tricia Yearwood (when she was brand new and his opening act) = AWESOME!
Lori Morgan/Ricky Skaggs
Bad English (boyfriend took me, they were at the fair)
Harry Connick Jr. (it was his tragic Star Turtle phase, but still fun)
Clay Aiken/Kelly Clarkson = AWESOME concert!
Dianna Krall = Really great, even if I did fall asleep some.

Are you laughing at me yet?  You should be.  But HEY, I bet I've been to more Musicals than YOU!  This is fun, now I'm gonna write them down.

1. **Aida
2. *Beauty & The Beast
3. **Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (which I like to call Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, 'cause WOW!)
4. *Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
5. **Fame
6.  **Gypsy
7.  *Hairspray (met Harvey Fierstein, nice but aloof)
8.  *Jeckyl & Hyde
9. **Jerome Robins Broadway
10.  **Les Mis
11.  *Little Shop of Horrors (met Hunter Foster nice guy)
12.  **Mary Poppins
13.  **Miss Saigon
14. *Nine (John Stamos is totally hot, short and super nice, Mary Stuart Masterson, VERY shy)
15.  **Phantom
16.  *Ragtime (All time favorite) (met and chatted with Brian Stokes Mitchell, he's delish)
17.  *See What you wanna See (was literally sitting 3 feet from Idina Menzels singing face)
18.  *Sweet Charity (actually went backstage, toured and met and chatted with Christina Applegate, she's teeny tiny and very funny)
19.  *Sweet Smell of Success
20.  *Take me Out (straight play) (Dennis O'Hare, nicest guy ever, hung with him after Charity as well)
21.  *The Full Monty (toured backstage, sat on set and met Patrick Wilson)
22. *The Play What I wrote (Met Kenneth Branagh, NICEST man ever.  So yummy and kind. Met Nathan Lane and Mario Cantone, TOTAL DOUCHE BAGS!) That's a great story, ask me about it sometime.
23.**The Producers
24.  *Thoroughly Modern Millie (Sutton Foster, sweetest girl, Delta Burke, so nice, but shy)
25.  *Urinetown
26.  **Victor/Victoria (totally was there on a hideous date, DUMB show)
27.  **25th Anual Putnam County Spelling Bee
28.  *42nd Street (3 times)

* = Actually ON Broadway in New York
** = Touring companies
Let it be known that my "gay" boyfriend is an actual stage manager ON Broadway, so shows that I toured backstage, and or went in dressing rooms, and met stars, totally legit.  He's a great friend to have, not just 'cause he gets me in shows and I meet people.
1. A Chorus Line (LOATHE)
2. A Funny Thing....Forum
3. And The World Goes 'Round 
4.  Annie
5. Anything Goes (DUMB show)
6.  Blackbeard12.  Crazy For You (Love)

7. Brigadoon
8.  Cabaret (love)
9.  Camelot (hate)
10.  *Carousel (HATE)
11.  Closer Than Ever

13.  *Fiddler on the Roof
14.  *Footloose (hate)
15.  Forever Plaid (love)
16.  Grease (not my fave)
17.  Guys and Dolls (love)
18.  *Hello Dolly
19.  *H.M.S Pinafore (love) 29.  No No Nanette

20.  How to Succeed (love)

21.  *I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change (ADORE, LOVE, LOVE)
22.  Into the Woods (hate)
23.  *Joseph...Dreamcoat (LOVE)
24.  Kiss Me Kate (hate)
25.  Lil' Abner (despise)
26.  Lucky Stiff (love)
27.  Music Man (NOT a fan)
28.  My Favorite Year (LOVE)
30.  Nunsense (Love)
31.  Oklahoma
32.  Oliver
33.  Once Upon a Mattress (love) 47. The Last Five Years (So great)

34.  Parade (love)

35.  Pippin (LOATHE)
36. Pirates of Penzance
37.  Secrets Every Smart Traveler Should Know
38.  **Secret Garden (ALL time favorite)

39.  Seussical the Musical
40.  Seven Brides (HATE)
41.  She Loves Me (Love)
42. Snoopy
43. Songs for a New World (LOVE)
44. **Sound of Music
45. *South Pacific
46. Sweeney Todd (NOT my favorite) Ok, I really don't like Sondheim.
48. The Merry Widow (HATE)
49. *The Mystery of Edwin Drood
50. The Scarlett Pimpernel (ADORE)
51. The Light in the Piazza (so beautiful)
52. The Whiz
53. The Wizard of Oz*, **More cabarets and reviews than I could possibly count

54. Westside Story (HATE)
55. *Working (wierd)
56. You're A Good Man Charlie Brown (love)
57. 12 Princesses

* = Been in
** = Directed

HOLY CRAP!  I am totally LEGIT! I've seen a buttload of shows!  I didn't even realize how many.  You may note a few GLARING holes in there, such as Wicked and Lion King, 'cause hasn't EVERYONE in the free world seen those?  Yeah, but not me!  Instead of seeing Wicked with the original cast, while in previews in New York, I chose Little Shop of Horrors, 'cause I'd never heard of this Wicked.  IDIOT! I'll never forgive myself for that one.  Also, sad I've never seen Spamalot, 'cause I really like that show.

Anyway, HOW MANY OF THESE SHOWS HAVE YOU SEEN? (Julie and Jen, you don't get to play along, you've played in every pit known to man, AND Julie, you've been to New York more).
Feel free to ask me any questions you have about parts I've played, or people I've met.  It could totally work out to some fun posts.

Now that this has taken the most ridiculous detour EVER, I will sign off!

Steering wheels and tra la las,



Diane Barazoto said...

pretty impressive!!!! But what about Mamma Mia? I think that is the only one I've seen that you haven't. Unless you just forgot to put it on your list.

Greg and Tammy said...

Holy Crap that's a lot of shows.

sammy said...

how in the hell do you remember all those shows? do you have the receipts or ticket stubs still?? wow. i can barely remember which car is mine in a crowded parking lot let alone try and recount that many of ANYTHING!

we've had similar issues with my son and his language. to be honest, my wife and i dont find 'bad words' offensive or wrong but its all about context. we emphasize treating all people fairly (the golden rule) and that can be done in a variety of ways...including 'cursing'. they dont fully understand that yet, but they will the older they get. i seriously told him he could use ANY word he wants when he was older and that 'those words' werent for kids. since that convo, his interest in using them has disappeared.

sorry i hadnt been by to get caught up in a while, ive been lazy...i mean away ; )

Hannah said...

I remember washing my daughter's mouth out with soap. But it must have bothered me more, because it is still one of the bad memories I have.

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Jason and Kate said...

I love the grocery car/carts too! I discovered them a few months ago and I wondered why I never tried it before. Wyatt has to sit up top though when we are checking out. He loves to flirt with the checker!

jen said...

Girl, your list is impressive. I can't play with the big boys on this one. Won't even try.
But I do have to comment about the time-out thing. It made me laugh to think that people actually believed you didn't use time-out. I mean, really? Come on.
Now, if you don't want to use the soap thing, I use a teaspoon of vinegar, and I've got some HILARIOUS stories about that one. Let me know if you ever need to pull out a big gun, because vinegar is WAY WORSE than soap. WAY.

The Coolest Allen Family said...

I love music and concerts but I would choose a musical or a play any day. Your list is beyond impressive. I have seen Joseph many times but my favorite was when Donny Osmond played Joseph. I have had a crush on him since I was 3 years old. Seriously, ask my dad, he even wrote a song about it. (my dad not Donny) I also saw Les Miz in London. Amazing experience! I NEED to hear your story about Nathan Lane and Mario Cantone. I am not surprised they were douche bags though.

paige said...

I don't remember how I got to your site, but YOU ARE FUNNY. I like funny. I'm gonna visit you more, kay?

I've seen Wicked in London. Can I be in the club? Oh, and I have a degree in theatre.

LanaBanana said...

Your list is ridiculous. I was like, "I need to go to bed but this dang list is so long that I have to stay up and keep reading it." :)

I think everything I've seen you've seen. Except for a Michael Urie original play called "Winners" from 9th grade. you haven't seen that one. :)

Kellie said...

I think I am the only woman on the planet who hasn't seen wicked. I have something for you on my blog.

DianD said...

Impressive, indeed! However, even more impressive than all you've seen, been in, directed, etc. is your ability to remember what each is about, who you met and conversed with and what was so memorable about each! I should have known you'd be able to do that someday 'cause even as a wee one you had and AMAZING memory for details in so many different areas. So my question is... (this from your "teacher" mom now) how is it you can't remember that "should've" (should have), (would've, could've, might've, etc.) is a contraction of those two words and not should "of"? Just askin! :) Lesson aside... love your posts, your insights, your humor and your ability to communicate it all.

Minky Moo said...

You hate West Side Story???? How is that possible? I mean, I know you don't like the Sondheim...
I've never met anyone who doesn't like that one!

I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo remember my mother washing my mouth out with soap. I was like 6 or 7 and I said the F word on the bus. Ivory. I can still taste it.