Monday, April 26, 2010

Mama Said there'd be days like this...

There are just days, days where you are tired to your core, exhausted beyond anything reasonable.  Those days usually come after you've worked long and hard, a good day out in the yard, or a long hard day of deep cleaning.  Perhaps after a great outdoor hike, playing outside in the sun.  Or maybe staying up all night working on a project and then having to get up early.  Whatever.  Point is, there is usually a good physical reason to feel like this:

But today, I feel like I can barely function.  And on top of that, I feel like this:

All because I get to be the parent to this:

Do NOT be fooled by this adorable and unassuming face.  Behind those baby blues is one DIFFICULT DIVA!

People, friends, fellow Mothers....she EXHAUSTS me to my core (like sucks the emotional life ) And today was just an exceptional doozy of a day.  Don't get me wrong, she is adorable, and funny and smart and can be so very sweet.  However, I think she just might be more opinionated, strong willed and honery than all those other good traits.

Starting at midnight last night, when she REFUSED to let me put a diaper on her ('cause my sweet babysitting dad forgot to do it).  She was screaming at the top of her lungs, she would NOT allow a diaper to touch her body..."It would bug" her.  So, I tried to explain that she might wet the bed, and then it would be gross, and she'd have to wake up, blah blah blah.  She didn't care.  I tried to put a towell down under her.  The audacity of me.  She was so irritated that I'd even think it.  "it would BUG" her.  So, after running out of options, and just wanting her to be quiet and not wake up Max...I let her sleep in her panties.  The good news is, she woke up dry, and was very proud of herself, as was I.  We had a happy dance and celebration right there.  If only the rest of the day could have stayed in that happy place.

7:00 a.m. she came in to wake me up and get the day started.  And WHAT.A.DAY it was.  Pretty much for this entire day, I might of had 2 hours total of non crying, bawly, yelly, I hate your gutts for being alive time from her.

Let's see, what was my list of "offenses":

  • I didn't comb her hair right after the shower.
  • I didn't have the towell on her right.
  • I dared to do her hair for church.  "I don't want a pony, ever, not ever NEVER."
  • I ridiculously chose the dress for her to wear.  "It's creepy and GROSS."
I kid not when I say, she cried for an hour and a half STRAIGHT over the damn dress.  But, I had to prove that I stand by what I say.  I told her we weren't changing the dress (because she is wont to change her clothes multiple times, due to their creepy, gross, too small, too big, squished nature).  And for the record, I totally get the whole pick your battle thing, which is HARD for me, 'cause I may or may not have a bit of a control problem.  But, in my defense, there has been numerous Sundays where she has worn her dress up shoes to church (you know, plastic shiny, colored high heels) because they were the ONLY thing she would consider putting on without world war III breaking out.  I have also gone many a day and not touched her hair, even taking her out in public.  And that is HUGE for me.  So, I feel that fighting for her to look like a decent child on Sunday is not too much to ask.
  • I gave her a sippy she wasn't pleased with.
  • I wanted her to put shoes on, of ANY kind, even dress up slippers.
The screaming and bawling that ensued was overwhelming.  Just getting out the door is a freaking miracle.

  • I didn't buckle her in her chair (because she is on Jeres side, AND most days she yells at me, and pushes me away, insisting that SHE can do it herself.  And she can.)

  • I took her to the bathroom at church, and I don't exagerate when I say, we were in there for 20 minutes, because she INSISTED that the potty was too big and REFUSED to pee on it.  I didn't say anything, I just stood there, taking deep breaths, trying not to scream, or cry.  She misinterprets me closing my eyes to remain calm, with me going to sleep.  So then she yells at me "MOMMY, DON'T go to sleep."  She finally got that I wasn't happy after I didn't respond or talk to her.  And she finally did go potty.
  • I tried to help her put her panties back on.
  • I put shorts on her, "They're toooo TIGHT", so I put on a different, bigger pair "Noooooooo, they're tooo tight!"
  • She woke up from her nap and had picked out a new outfit.  She put it on, herself, then immediately starts freaking out, because "it's BUGGING" her.  Something was "wrong" with literally every shirt, short, skirt that she put on.  So, the entire afternoon, she mostly cried, or was mad.
  • I dared to make her some dinner.  "It's GROSS" "I'm NOT gonna eat it, ever NEVER!" You'll be pleased to know, she did eat it.
  • I didn't read enough scriptures. 
  • I didn't sing enough songs. 
  • I didn't give her a full enough sippy.
  • I didn't allow her to sleep in Auntie Julies bed (which she so was NOT invited to do)
  • I didn't allow her to give Daddy or Julie kisses and loves for the 10th time.

Seriously, I'm just beyond spent.  I really and truly don't know what to do.  How to deal with and or parent this child in the right way.  There MUST be something that I can do that will be more effective.  Because as it stands, I mostly just want to poke my eyes out, or go lay in my bed and cry. 

Or better yet, sleep, eat, go to the bathroom in peace.  With noone yelling at me, telling me I'm doing it WRONG!

I love my daughter, I do.  And I'm so grateful to have her.  There is nothing better than having her randomly come up and say.."Mommy, I LOVE you."  Or the sound of her laughter as she and Max play.  Her random songs she makes up and sings.  Or watching her love on her babies and listening to her "soothe and boss" them.  She is wonderful in every way and so exasperating at the same time.

I just either need a little guidance and direction from somewhere, or a big FAT vacay.

Good thing she's so FREAKING cute.

Loony bins and lady bugs,



✩Molly✩ said...

Well dear, I think it is just the whiney things that kids their age do. One thing that has helped with Scarlett is that I will not do something she asks if she says it in an unkind or whiney voice.. I will advise her how to ask nicely for it, and then wait until she rephrases and/or calms down. Not having her whining at me helps a lot with my coping.

Also a lot of times scarlett will pull the "too this" business.. I am hoping it is just a phase, and usually force her to give me a more adequate description of what she wants to wear, and if possible allow her to choose what she wants, and once its on her, She chose it, and SHE has to live with it. No mommy to blame.

However, I can't get Scarlett to potty train, so there's that. :P

good luck. Here is hoping tomorrow is much better!

✩Molly✩ said...

Also a great way to stop the tantrums is to put her on time out...

Do you know about the time-out system that my Dad has written out? If you don't, I know my Mom could get you a copy of it... it is a great way to get her to discontinue certain behaviors by having her sit on a time-out... only saying one sentence " you are on time out because you _____" then giving her time to sit and think about it, coming back, asking her why she is on time out, requesting and receiving an apology or commitment to not do that thing again.. REALLY HELPS!

Sorry I am really done blabbing now. :)

jen said...

All's I have to say is, hang in there. I'm suffering much the same over here with Hyrum. If you ever need a change of scenery, they can come tantrum over here together . . .

LanaBanana said...

So far there have been some great ideas. You'll be pleased to know that I can explain to you EXACTLY why yesterday morning was so terrible. Would you like to know?

Because it was Sunday, of course.

I'm not joking around when I say that the devil LOVES to watch us battle like freaking alley cats on Sunday mornings so that we walk into church with fumes blowing out of our ears and laser beams in our eyes. Tatum and Dane FIGHT to no end, Dane screams at me for everything--"no tie!", "no potty", "not that cereal that I just picked out!!! WHY WOULD I WANT THE CEREAL I JUST ASKED YOU TO POUR ME AND PUT MILK ON!?!?!?!?"

It's awesomer because you're usually rushing around on Sunday mornings (especially because our meeting is at 8), so they feel rushed and would like for you to be late each and every Sunday of your life.

I don't have a lot of good answers because my kid has been a screaming tantrumer since he was 18 months old and he's turning 4 in a month. So, obviously, I'm not one to give advice. But I'll happily walk the track with you... :)

Hang in there.

LadyCarma said...

I feel your pain, really! My first born girl exhausted me in much the same way. Your sentences about Maggie could have had my daughter's name in them. I agree with the other comments, about the time out, and "speak to me in the right way", etc. Consistency is key. And I became a broken record with my children. When I asked them to do something and they started whinying, crying, etc. I would just repeat my request in the calmest quietest voice three or four more times, then I would put them in "time out", though it wasn't called that. I told them to think about the choices they were making. I have heard young mothers today use this phrase: "I need you to use big girl/boy words and behavior if...." I know you know that Maggie is "going through a phase" and just keep telling yourself "this too shall pass". You are an awesome mom, and most of us "moms" that follow your blog know that you are venting in your blog so you don't vent on the child. We can be your sounding board. Sound away.

Mel said...

Oh my word. Just hang in there. I have no words of advice but just know I think that you are an amazing mother. One of the best I know :) You can always drop her off over here if you need a break.

alexis said...

oh geez, i feel you. my oldest just turned three, and his twos were a sheer nightmare. he's a lot better now, but man, there were days at a time when i had to physically restrain myself from throwing him out the window. it was bad.

my little sister had a weird thing with clothes, too. everything had to feel just perfect or she would throw a fit everytime she got dressed in the morning. i dunno, maybe it's a type A thing?

anyway, i know that was not helpful at all, but there you go. i commiserate.

Wendy said...

For Brian terrible 2's, Griff terrible 3's, Linc...jury is still out so far he isn't so bad. Hang in there. Nothing prepares us for the mentally/emotionally exhausting battle of wills with our own small children.

Photo Freak said...

We almost sold our first born when he was two. Then we thought of mving to Canada were he could never find us! HOwever we stuck through it and now he is wonderful! Goodluck! And she does toally have me fooled. she is pretty cute!

Cookie Mama said...

I hear you! I am laughing, but I hear you. My daughter was a holy terror when she was little, especially at church. I often got suggestions from the older ladies on how to raise her. Looking back I remember how hard it was, but it was just a moment in time. I wish I would have just let go and let my daughter be more of who she wanted to be. The good news is that they do get better and sweeter and one day I promise you will miss that little feisty spirit.

Greg and Tammy said...

I;m sorry about the drama. But I LOVE that she says creepy.

Jen said...

Sorry it was a rough day!! She is a cutie though!! Just want you to know I am watching Dancing with the Stars as I type this!! Noticed on your profile you're DWTS fan!!

Thanks for stopping by ad helping me celebrate my SITS day today!

DianD said...

Oh, dear, Allyson! Can't imagine what your problem is that you can't control your child! Fortunately, I never had even one child who acted that way! No one ever threatened to run away from home, fought, called me a "pig", cried over clothes I made, shoes I bought for them, food I fixed, etc.! Everyone practiced their lessons without so much as a word from me, helped without being asked, always had a perfect room and kept the rest of the house cleaned up and as one said, "Even worked for nothing more than 'bumpkis peanuts'! I'm thinking I must have missed out on the challenges of life with mine! J/K Welcome to motherhood. Now go to bed, lock the door so she can't get out of the house or in to your room and leave her to her own childish ways! And your mantra will be from now on..."This too shall pass!" And it will! Love ya,

Andrea said...

I love your Mom's comment! I was actually hoping she would say something. Like so many others have said just be consistant. Consistancy and patience are the key. And pray she is getting this out of her system before the lovely teenage years set in. We are still praying for this with Kymber, we still have 2 1/2 years to hope. Like your Mom said..."This too shall pass!" Until then...Good luck!

Anonymous said...

She is awfully cute. My 17 month old girl isn't talking yet, but I know she's going to be a handful as soon as she can spit sentences out.

Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day.

Holly said...

I feel your pain! MY son was like this too...hence the 6 years between daughter is even more opinionated. He grew out of it for the most part...that is what I am waiting for. Time outs can be effective, but they do not work for my kids...I have to constantly reinvent the wheel there. I just cherish the good moments and drink lots of coffee to give me a pick me up.

She is CUTE!

The Coolest Allen Family said...

I love what your mom said. I take mommy time outs. I figure it is better to leave them alone for a little while, than to beat the holy you-know-what out of them. Keep a stash of chocolate in your room and a good magazine. It won't fix it but it will make it more tolerable.

The Coolest Allen Family said...

I just remembered you are "sugar fee" now. I guess keep some sugar free chocolate in your room. Just know it gives you gas if you eat too much. That might be a fun post for another time. :)

3in3mom said...

I so admire your patience.

I have had a similar weekend with my 6,5 and 3 year old all at once. No specifics or it'll make me NUTS. . . hang in there--I'm told they do grow up and out of it and right now I'm holding onto that hope.

In the same breath, the older they get, the more the attitude seems to increase. With the entrance to kinder came the extra fun.

I hope you get some relief--but take heart in the fact that your daughter is sooo darling and you are doing awesome.

I love your blog! It gives me hope in my little world of motherhood.

sammy said...

a parents patience is like no other!

we thankfully didnthave the 'terrible two's' all that bad with any of my three kiddos, but the our middle is the typical 'middle child' and my son is the typical boy and annoying brother, so needless to say they get into it...alot!

Magimom said...

Oh my goodness - on my way from SITS and while I read your other post I just had to comment on this... My 26 year old was this way at her age too! One word: DIVA! Everything was her way or no way! She was the most demanding, uncontrollable, whiny child I had... Fast forward to now: She is the most responsible, honest, and mature child I have... go figure!

Dixie Dixon said...

Why is it so easy to laugh when it's someone else's kid? Holy crap she says some funny stuff. If it makes you feel any better Morgan threw a piece of watermelon at me tonight...just because she didn't want it. Owen has told me frequently that he hates me and he wants to quit the family and Olivia told me tonight that I'm the worst mom ever. Whatev...they are just freaking lucky I'm their mom. :) Just like Maggie with you.

Susan said...

I tell my kids all the time that they are lucky that I am their mom because I am amazing. My only REAL job is to feed them and clothe them and teach them. Then I go on to list all the extras I do. I then mention that if they like I can go back to being a reagular mom because being amazing does NOT pay extra. This usually gets them to at least be quiet for a while.

Yours are still to little for this bit...but tuck it away 'cause I had a feeling your going to need it.