But today, I feel like this....like I can barely function. And on top of that, I feel like this:
All because I get to be the parent to this:
Do NOT be fooled by this adorable and unassuming face. Behind those baby blues is one DIFFICULT DIVA!
People, friends, fellow Mothers....she EXHAUSTS me to my core (like sucks the emotional life out.of.me. ) And today was just an exceptional doozy of a day. Don't get me wrong, she is adorable, and funny and smart and can be so very sweet. However, I think she just might be more opinionated, strong willed and honery than all those other good traits.
Starting at midnight last night, when she REFUSED to let me put a diaper on her ('cause my sweet babysitting dad forgot to do it). She was screaming at the top of her lungs, she would NOT allow a diaper to touch her body..."It would bug" her. So, I tried to explain that she might wet the bed, and then it would be gross, and she'd have to wake up, blah blah blah. She didn't care. I tried to put a towell down under her. The audacity of me. She was so irritated that I'd even think it. "it would BUG" her. So, after running out of options, and just wanting her to be quiet and not wake up Max...I let her sleep in her panties. The good news is, she woke up dry, and was very proud of herself, as was I. We had a happy dance and celebration right there. If only the rest of the day could have stayed in that happy place.
7:00 a.m. she came in to wake me up and get the day started. And WHAT.A.DAY it was. Pretty much for this entire day, I might of had 2 hours total of non crying, bawly, yelly, I hate your gutts for being alive time from her.
Let's see, what was my list of "offenses":
- I didn't comb her hair right after the shower.
- I didn't have the towell on her right.
- I dared to do her hair for church. "I don't want a pony, ever, not ever NEVER."
- I ridiculously chose the dress for her to wear. "It's creepy and GROSS."
- I gave her a sippy she wasn't pleased with.
- I wanted her to put shoes on, of ANY kind, even dress up slippers.
- I didn't buckle her in her chair (because she is on Jeres side, AND most days she yells at me, and pushes me away, insisting that SHE can do it herself. And she can.)
- I took her to the bathroom at church, and I don't exagerate when I say, we were in there for 20 minutes, because she INSISTED that the potty was too big and REFUSED to pee on it. I didn't say anything, I just stood there, taking deep breaths, trying not to scream, or cry. She misinterprets me closing my eyes to remain calm, with me going to sleep. So then she yells at me "MOMMY, DON'T go to sleep." She finally got that I wasn't happy after I didn't respond or talk to her. And she finally did go potty.
- I tried to help her put her panties back on.
- I put shorts on her, "They're toooo TIGHT", so I put on a different, bigger pair "Noooooooo, they're tooo tight!"
- She woke up from her nap and had picked out a new outfit. She put it on, herself, then immediately starts freaking out, because "it's BUGGING" her. Something was "wrong" with literally every shirt, short, skirt that she put on. So, the entire afternoon, she mostly cried, or was mad.
- I dared to make her some dinner. "It's GROSS" "I'm NOT gonna eat it, ever NEVER!" You'll be pleased to know, she did eat it.
- I didn't read enough scriptures.
- I didn't sing enough songs.
- I didn't give her a full enough sippy.
- I didn't allow her to sleep in Auntie Julies bed (which she so was NOT invited to do)
- I didn't allow her to give Daddy or Julie kisses and loves for the 10th time.
Seriously, I'm just beyond spent. I really and truly don't know what to do. How to deal with and or parent this child in the right way. There MUST be something that I can do that will be more effective. Because as it stands, I mostly just want to poke my eyes out, or go lay in my bed and cry.
Or better yet, sleep, eat, go to the bathroom in peace. With noone yelling at me, telling me I'm doing it WRONG!
I love my daughter, I do. And I'm so grateful to have her. There is nothing better than having her randomly come up and say.."Mommy, I LOVE you." Or the sound of her laughter as she and Max play. Her random songs she makes up and sings. Or watching her love on her babies and listening to her "soothe and boss" them. She is wonderful in every way and so exasperating at the same time.
I just either need a little guidance and direction from somewhere, or a big FAT vacay.
Loony bins and lady bugs,