Monday, September 13, 2010

Funny revisited....A Word to the Wise

So day number two of The SITS girls blog challenge is to find one of your older posts that you felt was great but didn't get a lot of attention.

Ummmm friends...this has been time consuming to say the least.  I have A LOT of long great posts that needed re-reading.  And honestly, I'm not entirely sure this is like my BEST, but as I read it, I laughed out loud, which I took as a good sign.

It's been fun re-reading and remembering the experiences of the last few years, and looking at how much my kids have grown.

Hope you enjoy this little gem.


Friday, December 5, 2008
A Word To the Wise


This public service announcement is brought to you lovingly by moi. Just a word to all you ladies (moms) out there who EVER for one moment think it's ok to just trim your kids hair. Just don't do it, ok. Unless you are a licensed professional, I suggest you just put the scissors down and back away slowly or something like this can happen:









Look, she fully understands the travesty of justice just imposed on her.


WHAT WAS I THINKING? I'll tell you what I was thinking. My brain, which is currently in a seriously sleep deprived state took a looksy at my darling daughter whilst she was bathing (in the sink) and thought to myself..."I can't stand her bangs hanging down to the middle of her eyes anymore. I'll just get the scissors and do a teeny little snip and all will be better." So I DID get the scissors, I carefully combed her wet hair all down in front of her eyes, and SNIP. And after that first snip, I thought "SNAP." Instead of a mere teensy trim, I'd taken a good inch off. (Frankly, I should have just handed her the scissors and told her to go to town, 'cause she would probably have done a better job of it.) Oh well, had to go with it now. At first, I didn't see HOW bad it really was. But, once I got her out, and properly fitted in her pj's, the true damage was apparent. Holy poo, what to do? I told Jere that Lana was going to KILL me! So, I called Lana and reported my sins. She laughed at me, and told me to scoot my buns down to the salon, since she was still there. My LUCKY day, 8:00 on a Wed. night and she could "save" my daughter from her Mothers retardedness. So, we headed for the salon, Maggie got herself a little sucker and Lana went to work. (I should mention here that she got herself a handsome little "beard" in the process, with the combo of sticky sucker face and wispy hairs flying off of "Lana Scissorhands.") There wasn't a whole lot she could do with my handy work, but at least she softened the lines so my poor child doesn't look like dumb and dumber. It's all ok as long as I keep her bangs totally plastered to the side, then you hardly notice that the "butcher of Nina drive" got her. (As a disclaimer, I DO realize that there are some of you ladies out there who DO cut your kids hair, and that is because you're not nearly as retarded as I am. Good for you.)








Well, at least there is improvement. So, if you ever need a good stylist, just give Lana a call.


Now I must share another charming story from our house that happened on Monday evening. Sit back, relax, this is a delight.


Monday night Maggie and I had to make a run to the store. What store you ask? Well, it's embarrassing, but once again I ventured to the "devil" store, simply because I needed a new mattress pad and I knew it'd be cheapest there, AND I had to get a storage tower for Jere and I knew they had it there. So yeah, we went; let it go (I have). We meandered around the store for awhile, picking up items here and there. I mean really, where else do you get a super dee duper cute shirt for FOUR BUCKS? Walmart, that's where. Anyway, picked up a couple of shirts for Maggie and a couple for Max, got my items on my list and then checked out. Maggie had been great the whole time, happy as a clam. We get out to the parking lot, I load all the stuff into the car, and then I go to get Maggs out of the cart. I wasn't necessarily looking at her, just lifting, when something registers on my arm, and I think "what is THAT?" I look down to see copious amounts of barf all over my arm, ALL OVER Maggie, down her shirt, her pants, my feet, the cart, the ground, and she continues to barf (mac and cheese). Now mind you, she has not made a PEEP, not a sound. There was no warning, no whining, no crying, no holding of the tummy, NOTHING! And, I'm used to barfers (Dixie and Jere) who make A LOT of noise when doing the deed. For the record, this was Maggies FIRST barfing experience ever. Her only reaction to it was, when she noticed that her blanket and her arm were covered, she said "oh, ohhhhhhhhhhhh." So, there I am, standing in the parking lot, barf squishing in my toes, nothing to wipe her up with, not quite knowing what to do. So, I used her blanket to clean up what I could, then stripped her down to her dipey and put her in her seat. I got what I could off the cart, picked her binky up from amongst the chunks on the ground and headed home. The smell was just about more than I could take, but somehow we managed. She's such an amazing trouper, she never cried the whole time, and hasn't had one problem since. I guess it was just a very random ridding for her. It might explain why she'd been walking around lifting her shirt up for 2 days, pointing at her tummy. I don't know, just speculating. But hey, at least I now gave her a haircut befitting of her new Wal-mart going, barfing status. I RULE! I just wish I had a pic of the moment. hahahaha

Butchers and barf,

Allyson

19 comments:

heather@actingbalanced.com said...

I laughed too... I did that very thing to my 12 year old daughter... did I mention that she was 11 at the time?
Happy B2B day 2

Holly said...

Bad haircuts, barf and walmart -what's not to laugh at! I have taken the scissors to my daughters hair and it went OK, but I hope she doesn't remember.

This is me... said...

Oh My! A day in the life for sure! We've all had 'em!!! Thanks for the giggle....

alison said...

you, my friend, have hit the trifecta o'funny. there are too many pearls of comedy going on here to shout-out all of them, but my personal fave was "the butcher of nina drive"! i cut chan's hair before his birthday last year....and if you saw his picture on yesterday's birthday post, you probably noticed his boot-camp makeover on his 2nd bday pic! poor kid looked like he had a post-mange haircut. his hair is now done compliments of an actual hair-cutting professional ;)

and walmarts....oh how i hate me the walmarts. unfortunately, i live in a one-horse town and it's either walmart or bust. so i am forced to "feed the walmart beast" at least once a week. oh how i hate to contribute to their evil ways.

Chrissy MacCEO said...

I've totally done this myself, too!! I buzzed my sons hair and took his sideburns completely off! My hubby nearly died when he saw him! I didn't know...you can't be faulted for something you didn't know ;)

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I used to trim my son's hair. After a terrible trim, I decided to pay the big bucks and go to a kid's salon. He gets a short cut that takes a long time to grow out now so I can justify the cost.

Stopping from SITS.

Mel said...

I remember that. I did the same thing, and continue to do the same thing. I will learn one of these days. lol
Gosh, time has flown.

Denise said...

I cut/chopped off Savanna's hair one morning before school when I found Lice in her hair from school. Supposedly it had been going around but now they can't send a notice home with the kids because of privacy crap. Anyways, her hair was so long and thick so I cut it to make the process easier. I clearly was not in the right frame of mind because I chopped so much off and it was completely crooked and my mom had to come fix it for me. Yes, put the scissors down, think for a minute and call a trained professional.

Kristina P. said...

Oh, no!

My sister in law took my adorable little nephew to some place like Super Cuts, and they made his hair look exactly like that! A professional!

jen said...

i remember this the first time. And I remember your hate of Walmart that has since disappeared?
Target traitor~

AndreaLeigh said...

oh no! well, all kids are due for at least one unfortunate hair cut so at least she has hers out of the way. :)

Brandon and Brittani Romney said...

Totally hilarious!! You are better than I am because I wouldn't even dream of cutting anyone's hair..ever. Brandon will hardly let me shave his head and really, how can you screw that up? Thanks for making me laugh at lunch!

MomMega said...

Ha! That picture is priceless! I should cut my kids hair, but I usually just let it grow out reallllly long, like a hippy!

bluecottonmemory said...

My husband always wanted to cut the boys' hair because his dad did. My oldest son finally said, "We need to take those clippers to the back yard and bury them so he can never do this again."

What a poor little thing - all sick - and, boy, are we moms made of strong stuff! You handled that situation like an awesome mom!

grace said...

I'm so bad at cutting that I'm almost incapable of wrapping gifts. They look hideous. And since I know that about myself, I know that cutting hair -- mine or my kids -- is an unpardonable sin.

I love this story!

Steph said...

And that is why you always use the sanitizing wipes on the grocery cart! One of my kids puked in one at the grocery store once too, and I've been grossed out by them ever since.

Kellie said...

LMAO!!! You are so dang FUNNY. This is a classic piece of writing; way to go Allyson!!!

Shauna said...

oh no, hugs!

Jen West said...

Thanks for the laugh from the vaults. I sometimes try to give my boys cuts, but I ALWAYS have to shave it in the end. I agree, though... just put the scissors down and back away slowly!