Friday, December 3, 2010

What "wood" you do?

I seem to have run into a little "situation" if you will.  And I'm in need of  some guidance here.

(disclaimer....I am fully aware that this could prove of utmost embarrassment to my child in future years, but I claim parental rights TO embarrass him.  PLUS, he's TWO, and therefore this is cute.  If it's still happening at 8 then we'll have something to be concerned about)



In recent weeks my sweet little Maximus has discovered his,ummm, how do I put this delicately....his "member."  And by discovered I mean every time I change his diaper he trys or just does grab his wee little peeper and proudly says  "My pee pee, I touch it."  But this is generally taken care of in a swift manner and all is well.  UNTIL recently, in which something more sinister has begun to happen.  He has noticed the sensation of  mmm hmmm, growing "bigger."  And he's decided that diapers should be an optional item.  Any chance he gets he removes the offending diaper and runs around giggling, proudly saying "I take my diaper off." giggle, giggle, giggle.  OR, he'll take it off and then sit on the couch with the most adorable little sneaky look on his face waiting for me to notice and say something.  He thinks this is absolutely hysterical!  And it's all fun and games until he pees on the couch, or wipes his poopy bum on Maggies sheets.  Yes, both have happened.  I have found that if I always keep pants on him then we don't have the streaker problem.  And I've also discovered that when He pushes for diaper freedom the reason is....he's "bigger" as he puts it.  He's trying to figure out this feeling.

Then, just yesterday, as I was standing in my bedroom I heard him walking down the hall saying "I got my penis, I got my penis, I got my penis" (let me remind you he is BARELY 2).  I peeked around the corner to find him wrist deep in his pants and diaper proudly telling me "I GOT MY PENIS."  I gently removed his hand from his who who dilly and told him in my kindest Mommy way....."look kid we don't yanky the wanky."  OR I said, "no no maxi, we don't play with that."  To which he replied....."WHY NOT?"  Ummm yeah, good question.

Seriously....what do I do with this?  What is the protocal here?  I get that there is a certain amount of discovery to be had.  But, at what point is it over the top? A little input from Mommies of boys here.  I'm all ears.  What "wood" you do?  (Oh my sides......I slay me).

And in other news...I got a wild hair and decided the time has come to redo my bedroom.  We've had the same decore for the 9 years of our marriage, and it has served us well.  BUT, I'm ready for a change, and I'm excited for the ideas.  I will keep you posted on the transformation as it happens.  Anyway...I sold all my decore on Craigslist.  Some lady came and bought it ALL for her daughters bedroom.  She got a SMOKIN deal, that's all I'm gonna say.  I've also sold several other things from around the house for a little extra cash.  YAY for Craigslist.  Now, I'm on a quest for anything else I can find to sell.  Aren't you all excited for me?

Speaking of exciting....the commercial has had 16,000 views in the 2 days since it was released!  How FUN is that?  I just wanna thank you all for your great comments and support.

Also happening this week...ME dancing in a "rockette" routine for our Christmas party.  It's AWESOME!  I will be posting pics of our totally cute costumes.  Let's just get something straight...me "dancing" anything is ridiculous.  Me in this get up (which is adorable) and me "dancing"....RE-DONK!  Hope I don't give anyone eye cancer.

Also....I totally lost my voice, just woke up Thursday to squeaks and sqwaks.  It is the MOST annoying thing EVER!  And frustrating and exhausting.  Maggie keeps asking WHEN I will get my voice back.  Here is for hoping SOON!!

That said....I'm outy.

Nudists and Woods,

Allyson

13 comments:

alison said...

see...now TODAY i totally get your outro message words ;) no imaginary lettuce this time!! chan is a fan of his "bootie" (he came up with the name...NOT me. which makes things confusing since a "bootie" to pretty much everyone ELSE in the world is a far different part of his anatomy. i'm thinking songs like "bootylicious" are going to be traumatic for him one day) and thinks it's hilarious to run around the house naked and shake it at people. our main rules include, "no putting your bootie ON other people", "no streaking outside the comforts of your own home", and "no one else is allowed to touch your bootie". past that, i haven't figured out too much. right now i'm sorta hoping the fascination aids in the potty training of that boy...which he is TOTALLY still not even interested in. MY KINGDOM for a potty trained three-year-old!

i think that i'm at least 4-5 of the views on the commercial. the kids love it and keep asking me to play it so they can dance. so fun!

and oh how i wish that i lived somewhere that craigslist could be a viable option for selling all the cah-rap that we have. no one is willing to drive an hour just to save a few bucks on baby clothes or pots and pans. hmpf...buncha cheapos ;)

LadyCarma said...

I am not an expert, because I only had two sons, but I have seven grandsons. Watching their moms, who are great mothers, being consistent in saying the same things. Such as: "Let's not play with that", or "Here, will you hold this toy while I put your diaper back on" (the distraction game), or "mommy and daddy don't want you to play with your "member", okay?".
What ever you decide to say, keep saying it over and over, being totally consistent. And like you usually do, not get too uptight about it.
You are a great mom, and you will figure out what works best for Max. This fascination will probably be over shortly, as "this too shall pass."

jen said...

Hmmm.
First I was going to suggest duct taping the diaper on. Because that WORKS to keep it on.
Does he still fit in onesies? You could always have a t-shirt on him. And I'm all for the distraction idea. Maybe have a specific toy he loves and hand it to him every time he ventures.
That being said, there is a certain level of curiosity that's normal. But that's more than any of my boys have done. Good luck.
Sorry I forgot to hand Ben your check. It was written in the car. I had to play for RS, and I was completely unprepared. You know the feeling? Sheer panic that everyone will scoff at you and point and laugh?
Yeah. That's the one.

Kristina P. said...

I found out, about 3 weeks ago, that even babies get erections. I had no idea. I hope I can say that here, considering this is a family blog. ;)

Peggy Van Patten said...

About the hits on the commercial.... I sat at my computer for 5 hrs on Wed. because I had my carpet cleaned and couldn't walk on it. So I continuelly pushed "REPEAT" for FIVE HOURS. Hope it helped. Love that comercial.
Peg

Darci Shumway Cole said...

I have no comments on the whole "member" issue, except to say I'm VERY grateful to have read this post, as my little boy turns one in a couple weeks, and I just know that I'm going to have the same problem eventually, so it's nice to hear what people have to say about it before the ordeal hits.

Love the commercial, I've lost count how many times I've watched it.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Okay ... number one, my five-year-old STILL likes to run around naked. He strips within an hour of coming home from school and doesn't get dressed until school the next morning! (Yes, he even insists on sleeping naked.as.a.jaybird). And now that we're in the midst of potty training (ugh!), my two-year-old runs around naked most of the time, too. Out of all my kids, only my one-year-old is usually clothed, and I suspect that's only because he can't take them off himself yet. :)

Secondly, as the mother of three boys I have plenty of experience with the "wood." I've come to accept that a.) they like to play with it as much as possible, as OFTEN as possible, and b.) this trend will probably continue, in some form, into at least young adulthood, and c.) there's not a damn thing I can do about it. So I tell my boys that there's nothing wrong with playing with their "junk" - it's theirs and they can do so whenever they please, as long as they do it in private. I don't want them thinking it's something to be ashamed of, but I also don't want them to be so comfortable with it that they "ding the dong" right out in the middle of everyone, ya know? So I figure my method kills two birds with one stone. :)

Denise said...

Allyson, good luck with that one. I am not one for spontaneous words of wisdom put I will think about it and see what I come up with.

About Jon, I am sorry you get to "deal" with him in a whole new light. He is great, but good luck with that too. I hear you took away his stick this morning. Nursery kids and Jon. WElcome to my life.
D

Jason and Kate said...

I'm having this problem too! Except Wyatt loves to tell me everyone that has a "member" including me...then he laughs. He knows it's a joke or something. I tell him that we can't talk about it anymore (everytime). He used to grab it a lot more but got over it and now just talks about it.

Mel said...

I'm SO glad I have girls...
I have no advice.

The Coolest Allen Family said...

I have nothing to offer. I just had to thank you for the fantastic laugh tonight. "Look kid we don't yanky the wanky." That will keep me laughing for hours!

erin said...

The other day, Chad's mom said that she can see me having all boys. I told that is terrifying to me since i don't know boys at all...this just scared me even more! gah!

LanaBanana said...

Dane went through that as I'm sure most all boys will. I always told him that he doesn't need to be sticking his hands in his underwear or diaper because that's just gross. I'd make him wash his hands if I found him playing in his diaper. I also told him that he just needed to leave it alone and not mess with it because I didn't want him giving himself an owie. ?? I have no idea if that idea will give him trauma in his future life. :)

But he doesn't really bother with it a ton that I notice anymore. I think it's all about consistantly telling them not to mess around with their privates without acting like it's a big deal or a dirty dirty sin. Cause then it's just more enticing. :)