Friday, May 21, 2010

Oh the SHAME!

I sit before you in a shame spiral.  The time has come, there is just something you must know.  Ok, I just have to get this off my ample bosomed chest.  Something that has been bothering me.  I must be honest with you, my people.  Oh, the shame, the SHAAAAAMMMME!

I'm afraid that I might, I could possibly, I think.....................................................

I've stepped over to the darkside and become a  ::GASP::

Wal-mart shopping REGULAR!  ::HORROR:: ::SHRIEK::

::ducking in fear:: Don't judge me.  Ok fine, judge, I do, but still.  Don't leave me over this, ok?

I know, I know.  Believe me, it pains me to no end to have to admit this to myself, much less to you.  I've been such an outspoken hater of that vile and awful place for so long.  And, truth be told, I STILL feel that way. I think The Wal of Mart is of the devil.  It's ugly and tacky and sometimes I want to punch that damn yellow smiley in the face.

BUT....what is a girl to do?

Since the move, the land of white trash and cheap buys is merely seconds from my front door.   As opposed to my lovely Target, which is now a full 5+ miles away.  And let's face it, in my need for instant gratification and convenience, that is a LONG way to go.  Especially with all the traffic lights between here and there.

Also, damn the man, Wal-Mart IS cheaper for many, many items. 

AND, they still carry my L'oreal foundation, and Target RUDELY stopped carrying it.

Also, they carry sooooooo much more stuff, some of it completely worthless and non-useful.  But some of it, ever so useful.  Sometimes (read most times) I  didn't even KNOW i needed some of the things I buy.  But sure enough, it was there, and it hopped into my cart, and I bought it.  And whilst on the topic of carrying things others don't;  They are the only ones carrying large packages of Austins peanut butter/cheese crackers for a mere buck 98.  Those are a staple food item here at Casa VP.

Besides, I wonder....where else can I go to see such a wide and colorful variety of toothless codgers, slutty teens, scarey hoodlums, whitetrashy couples in various forms of undress, and dirty, filthy children, sometimes ONLY dressed in a diaper at midnight?  I ask you....where?  And, at least I don't have to feel bad when I go there in a situation like this

On the flip side....this morning, while returnig a few items to the hall of shame, some delightful little lady said to me, as I passed....."Your hair is gorgeous."  This brought a large and completely unplanned for smile to my face.  I may have even made a couple of new eye wrinkles as I exclaimed "THANK YOU." And then danced a jig out the door. I mean, when one has hair esteem issues such as I, NOTHING is kinder than that.  So:

Dear lady at Wal-mart,

Thanks ever so much for making my day and making me feel like a rockstar as I perused the aisles of  the worthless junk of Wallyworld.  You're the best.  And thanks for restoring my faith in humanity, or at least that there are other shoppers out there that don't think WWF is the coolest thing ever.

Hot hair hotty,

Allyson

SEE...NOT BAD ALL THE TIME!

Bare bellies and fat rolls,


Allyson


And now, I shall leave you with just a few pics of some Wal-mart shoppers (thankfully none of which I had to encounter this morning).  You can thank me later.  


Now that's HAWWWT!  Sexy thing.


Really?  REALLY?  Why did he EVEN bother with the shorts?  No, I need to know.  What was the point.  Because at this position, those shorts are nothing but a hinderance to walking. This is just beyond mind boggling to me.  And frankly, I see it FAR to often.


Now THAT is classy.  Totally a shirt I'D wear in public.  Wow!



# 1 reason to avoid Wal-mart, RIGHT THERE!
So amazing the balls people have to go in public.



I rest my case!

 Oh, and if you haven't gone and looked at http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ , you must. No, you MUST!!! Some of the funniest and most disturbing things I've ever seen.

21 comments:

Natalie said...

I was JUST going to send you to the peopleofwalmart...best site on the whole internet! I hate to admit it, but Wallyworld's just not that bad. They are cheaper than Target. It sucks.

You could not pay me to wear the fart t-shirt though...I will NEVER be a person of Wal Mart!!

Good stuff...hoping you and your ample bosom have a great weekend ;)

✩Molly✩ said...

I too, have found myself shopping there more often... and they pricematch ad prices from all other grocery stores too, making it possible to get all the deals in one stop... if other stores did that, I would go there, instead....

oh btw i posted the phone number to my acupuncturist in my most recent post on the blog.. :)

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

hahaha! I'm so with you on Walmart!

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

And every walmart's prices are priced demographically--so...other places will be cheaper than others.

Rocketgirl said...

I have turned to the dark side as well... but HELLO!!! I live 15 minutes away from the top rated family vacay destination in the country (Wisconsin Dells - the Waterpark Capital of the World) and the closest Target is over an hour away?? Yet 2 Walmarts are within 10?!?!!?! A pox in Target. Until of course they get their heads out of their tushes and put a store here. Then I'll be all kinds of nice and loyal.

erin said...

oh walmart. how classy you are. & who the heck took a pic of me in my cute grey outfit that is so flattering?? paha.

Greg and Tammy said...

Funny. I was just gonna blog about Wal-Mart. I'm fully open about my wal-mart shopping. I came out of the closet years ago. It's the good prices. You just can't beat them. And I'm cheap.

Anywho... I was approached by FIVE Wal-Mart employees today to see if I needed help finding anything. Hell has frozen over. Guess they've changed their customer service tune.

LadyCarma said...

My Walmart story: we had just moved to LV and needed to pick up a few items, and the getto Walmart was right on the way home. (Compared to the Walmart stores in Plano, which are all quite high end-believe me on this!) We didn't have our camera to take a picture of the woman leaning on the check out belt, with her behind sticking out for all the world to view! It was disgusting. We wanted to turn around and leave right then, but looking at your pictures of your getto Walmart, I see our's need to slip a few more pegs! Thanks for the laughs!

Wendy said...

So funny. My issue with Walmart? I'd like a store directory sign! There are certain items that are not findable in that huge store. A person needs an hour to attack the Walmart beast. I do enjoy that store during late night hours if I am not too tired.

The more times I have had to ring my own huge cart of groceries at Fry's because they shut down ALL lanes after 10pm, I have thought. "Why the H didn't I go to Walmart?!"

the shoafs said...

oh the love/hate relationship i have with the walmarts. i live in a teeny tiny town and they are pretty much the only option. i hit up the walgreens as much as humanly possible, but sometimes my hand is forced and i enter into those automatic gates of hell.

i've stopped taking my children though. they are too young to be subjected to butt crack, tank top terrors, and being drooled on my some old man who hasn't bathed this century but thinks that my 8 month old needs her cheeks pinched while wearing his "if you can read this the b*tch fell off" motorcycle tshirt.

oh the many rants i've wanted to post on the subject. but SCORE on the whole getting hair kudos! that would ALMOST make a walmart experience totally worth it!

Midday Escapades said...

You are a hoot! Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! I am now your blog follower.

Lynn
http://www.midddayescapades.com

reasonably chubby said...

Hey there Allyson! Thanks for stopping by my blog...you are hilarious!Let's be BFF's, ok? I too hate the Walmart shopping experience. Your pictures say it best. I laughed my head off! And my the way, I'm 5'10 so if we ever meet in person we can do a belly bump, or at least talk eye to eye.

Me, Myself and Pie said...

oh. my. goodness. That sight is crazy! I can feel your pain. Target is just so awesome and Walmart is so depressing. But the deals...oh, the deals!!!

Ms. Understood said...

Oh my gosh. Those pics got progressively worse. I love Target, but I agree Walmart is definitely cheap. Thing is Walmart is far from my house so I stick to Target. Your post title is hilarious.

Stopping by from SITS.

Steph said...

I totally hate Wal-Mart! And yet I was just there this morning. There are just a few things that I can't resist the cheapness of--like the bike we just got Ethan for his birthday. But the groceries I notice I can almost always get cheaper on sale at Fry's. And Wal-Mart has the worst customer service I've ever encountered, consistently!

MOMSICLE VIBE said...

Just popping by from SITS to say, I blog and am also in the dark about giveaways and such. I actually find the giveaway scene a bit distracting from what I like most - reading good content!

For the love of the tiny shreds of commercial dignity left in the world - stay strong, sister, and resist Lord Dark Mart!!!! I know, I know, convenience et al, but us haters gotta stand strong!

MOMSICLE VIBE said...

PS: Come to think of it, your hair is rather lovely.

MsBabyPlan said...

LOL, just stopping from SITs. Happy Sunday.

Cheryl said...

Ah, yes, Walmart. The reason they can charge cheaper prices is because they are completely screwing their employees! If I go in one once a year, it's a LOT, and it's only b/c the hubs is dragging me in there. I seriously feel like I have to take a shower afterwards! Drive the 5 to Target - SO worth it!

And you DO have fab hair, judging from your picture!

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog!

Jen West said...

Hi! I am visiting from Jenn's blog. We know a lot of the same people. We will just have to meet some day. You crack me up :) All I can say is...

WOW! I am sure I will never follow that link, again. Not the hickey, the other one. I still shudder, but laugh, too.

I know, it really does stink that we all have budgets that make us shop at wm. Someday, may we all live in a perfect Target world.

Broot said...

I would go to wal-mart just for the entertainment factor. But alas, none of those here in NZ. When I go to visit my Mom in Canada, though, I get to go! She has one just around the corner from her house, too. :) (I love PeopleOfWalmart!)

(Saw your comment about not liking giveaways - high five! Me neither.)