Monday, May 31, 2010

Wrapping it Up, Awards and Upcoming Attractions

Okee dokee folkees, we've got a few topics to cover today, and then I'll be out to memorialize and attempt to have a life.
Ladies who seek to join me on the great Sugar Fast of June '10, buckle up.  Eat those m&m's, shovel in that sheet cake, for today is the end of the sugar train for at least a month.  I'm pleased as punch to have a "group" with me so we can be accountable, and in this together.  I'm even going to post WHO.YOU.ARE, so now all my minions will know.  Hey minions....feel free to just pop over to these ladies blogs and drop random comments in their comment secitions...things such as "Hey YOU, don't cheat."  Or "How's the sugar fast?"  Or "Yo tubby, drop that cookie STAT."  you know, something good and supportive.


Seriously This is a new "friend". FUN!
Bipolar Diva I LOVE her name!
Jen C
Natalie She's one of my fave new blogs.
Jenny D
Momscicle Vibe Another new "friend"

There you have it Seven brave and lovely souls willing to take this trip with me.  So ladies.......let the "fun" commence (TOMORROW).

In OTHER news...I've been awarded another blog award, which is totally so cool and fun and fabulous.  It's from my friend (and we must be friends, because I totally accepted her FB friend request) SARAH

Trendy, she called me TRENDY.

So now I must pass this award on to some others.  I shall keep it short, as I need to keep moving.

Bailee 'Cause this girl is NOTHING if not trendy.  I lurve her and her whit and greatness.

Kaitlyn Also one of my favorite people.

Random Pockets of Chaos Because she has become my favorite new blog find and e-mail friend. haha

A couple of kid stories and then I'll be on my way.

Yesterday Maggie came in all bugged and bothered, muttering something under her breath.  Upon closer hearing, I realized she was complaining about her hair. Which, as you'll all recall, she refuses to let me do.  I believe her exact words were "I'm sick of my hair.  It's making me crazy."  I asked her what she thought we should do.  She said:  "I want to cut it ALL off."  And she was serious y'all.  She even went and pulled the clippers out of my drawer and handed them to me.  Why her sudden disgust?  Because it keeps getting in her mouth.  HELLO, let me freaking pull it up and all would be well in the world.  But NO, she wants to shave it off.  I politely declined that option.

One of the Vegie Tales songs is called Sabu.  It's really funny and one of our favorites.  In it, someone asks "what's a Sabu anyway?"  To which the kids replies  "It's kinda like a cow."  So, we've been listening to it and we got Maggie to answer just like that every time we asked.  We thought that was so cute and funny.  "Hey maggie, what's a Sabu anyway?" "Itskindalikeacow."  Yay us, so cute.  So, the other morning I was changing Max's poopy diaper and I decided I'd just ask him what a Sabu was.  I didn't expect anything, but what I got was priceless.
Hey Max, what's a Sabu anyway?
And perfectly on cue he said...."LIKEaCOOOOOWW!"  Jere came running in from the other room and said "did he just say what I think he did?"  Yes, yes he did.  My perfect little smarty 18 month old knows that a SABU is LIKE a COW!  Ok fine, i know it was mostly only adorable and cute to us, but I  needed to document it.


Ok friends, I feel it only fair to fill you in on my new plan.  I have come to realize (sadly) lately that I have a very unhealthy addiction to facebook and blogger.  Like for reals, i can't go 5 minutes without logging on and checking my sites, or reading blogs, or commenting, or whatever.  So, in an effort to gain a little control, I'm putting myself on a self imposed hiatus, for at least a week.  I'm fairly sure I MAY die.  And I "totally" know that you will all die without me.  I will miss reading your blogs as much as I'll miss posting.  BUT, I need to figure out some balance, some moderation if you will,  and i need to clean my freaking house, and play with my kids AND there is always that giant elephant called workshop that needs my attention.  So,  please bare with me and try not to go through a WHOLE box of kleenex as you weep my absence.

However, on the upside, as you all may or may NOT know, I have recently acquired the worlds GREATEST scanner and I've been having WAY to much fun.  So, i've decided to start a new feature called Memory Monday.  I will be posting one picture, and trust me, I was a beaut, and a memory or 12 of that time in my life.  Dude, I was totally an 80's GIRL!  The hair, the clothes the memories.  I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I THINK you will.  Oh, and possibly a "name that celebrity" post here and there.  We've "met" quite a few along the way, and as I've been scanning, i've come across so many pics I'd forgotten about.

So, for you patience I shall leave you with a "sneak peek" picture, something to make you giggle.

I personally love that we have totally matching hair, mine is just bigger.  I had the bangs and the volume thing DOWN.

So, until next Monday I bid thee a fond adieu!

Oh dear,. i must run, Max has just discovered the knife block and is currently sporting a butcher knife.  AWESOME!

Blog addicts and sugar whores,


Friday, May 28, 2010

On Willpower

WILLPOWER......what is it?  Who has it?

What is it about willpower?  Why do sometimes you have it in spades, and other times, you have no ability WHAT.SO.EVER to refrain from eating that which you've told yourself you can not or will not eat?  It's a mystery, a conundrum if you will.

The day after Easter I told myself I would not TOUCH sugar for 6 weeks, until the triathlon.  I was SICK of feeling like an out of control piglet.  I was tired of feeling like crap from eating everything in my sight that was BAD for me.  I wanted control, and I knew I could do it.  So, with a house FULL of Easter candy, I began my sugar "fast."

Wanna know what?  It was one of the easiest things I've ever done.  In those 6 weeks, there were only 2 real times that I STRUGGLED with a desire to have something sweet.  Mostly though, I felt good.  I felt good because I had control over something.  I felt good because I wasn't loading my body with processed, CRAP!  I didn't even want any of it.  I went to wedding receptions and wasn't even tempted by the cake, cookies or cupcakes.  I never even thought about the bags of candy sitting on my counter or in my cupboards.  It was not hard.  AND, as a total bonus, I lost 10 lbs. that month.

The day of the Tri came, and  I told myself, and anyone else who would listen for that matter, that I was gonna have a chocolate chip cookie, 'cause heck, i deserved it.  After the Tri I ate something ont he way home, don't remember what.  That afternoon was the kids pre-school program (as a sidenote and completely unrelated, it was genius Pre-school Musical, and adorable) and there were treats a plenty to be had afterward.  I ate a couple cookies, a cupcake and some other stuff.  The truth was, none of it tasted all that good, but I ate it anyway.  Because I COULD.

Herein lies the problem.....I have not been able to stop since.

What is the deal?  Everyday I say to myself, I don't need sugar, I don't want sugar, i'm not gonna eat any today.  And I'll do alright for a minute, but sure enough, I always fall.  Whether it's one of the kids fruitsnacks, a candy, some of Jeres never ending supply of chocolate or cookies.  Seriously, I am NOT allowed to make cookies (only made them once in the last 6 months) because I eat like 100 at a time (only a mild exaggeration).  WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?  Why does the brain work this way?

My Mom has always said, she regrets the Doctor ever telling me I was allowed to eat sugar again, because once he said that, I started and never looked back.  Only to have a lifetime of heartache and sadness and fatness.  Oh, fast story:  2nd grade, diagnosed with nephritis, put on a strict, no sugar, no salt, no flour (basically a no NOTHING) diet.  Year of penecillan and blood tests.  After that year, I was deemed healthy and i could go back to eating.  Bad idea.

As I sit here, having just eaten TEN Hershey nugget candies and feeling like POO, the question goes through my head AGAIN. WHY?  Why am I weak, why is this such a struggle.  WHY was it SO easy for those 6 weeks?  WHERE is the willpower?

And so, I've decided, I have a new goal.  I'm going off sugar for the month of June. And by no sugar I mean, no cake, cookies, candy, muffins etc.  Not all crazy like, no trace of it in your sauce or stuff like that. If I can get through workshop with no sugar, then I can do anything.

Who is with me?  Anyone?  No?  Just me?  Ok fine.  But, it's your job to keep me accountable, you understand?  ASK me how I'm doing with that.  I NEED you, even if i don't know you.

I'm tired of being a slave to myself.  I'm tired of sugar beating me.  So, I am mustering up my strength, calling all WILLPOWER!  The battle is on bitches!

Candy bars and stomach aches,


Thursday, May 27, 2010

The sweet things...

This girl, this compact little bundle of smarts and sass and silly is MY favorite little girl.  And I decided that I must take a moment to write a little something good, instead of my usual frustrations with her 2 year oldedness.

This morning has been so great.  It started out with her padding into our room at 6:15 INSTEAD of the usual 5:45 or 6:00.  So already, we're 15 minutes better off.  I was in the bathroom getting dressed for the gym.  She opened the door, looked up at me with her beautiful eyes and gorgeous hair all feathered from sleep and said...."what ya doing Mommy?"  I told her I was going to the gym.  She said she needed to go potty, which is what always wakes her and brings her to our room so early.  I told her that was fine, do her thing and then climb on the bed with Daddy.  I closed the door behind me and came out to the kitchen to, well, if you must know, pluck.  The "beard" was especially out of control and I needed a little time on it before departing.  What seemed like FOREVER later, she flushed and then, she came out and found me in the kitchen.  She asked what I was doing, and then said, "Mommy, you need to go to the gym."  I know, I know,but I'm plucking!

Next, she asked if she could have some fruit loops and fishy crackers.  She asked so nicely, how could I deny her.  Unfortunately, no fruit loops.  But, a big bag of fishy crackers was available.  First she sat on the floor near the piano happily picking out fishies and eating.  Then, she told me again I needed to go to the gym.  I told her I couldn't, 'cause what would she do if I was gone.  She thought I was so wierd to say that.  Then, she asked if I could "please turn on Super why."  So, I did.

Just a minute ago, I looked over into the family room to see her sprawled on the couch, one hand in the fishy bag, the other playing with her hair, watching Super Why intently as she yelled out B, B is for Brooklyn.  Then, she turned her head to look at me and proudly said, "Mommy, I saw a B for Brooklyn."

It was just one of those peaceful, happy moments where all is quiet, all are happy and her sweetness was really shining bright.  It was just one of those rare peaceful happy mornings, where we talked all in quiet voices, sweet conversation and smiles.

For all the complaining I do about her, I really do love her so much.  She really is so fun.  Nothing makes my heart sing more than when she will randomly come up to me and say...."Mommy?"  "Yes Maggie."  "Ummmmm, I LOVE YOU." with an accompanying sign and then smile and run away.  Or to listen to her and Max giggle and laugh as they play whatever made up games they've decided on at that time.

Yep, those are the sweet things....

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a floor covered in fishy crackers to go clean up.  Sometimes the giggles imply a much more "sinister" game. That darn Max woke up and got to work.

Sap and Sippies,


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Sisterhood of the Traveling reals edition!

Not a picture of actual traveling pants detailed in this story.  A picture of me, in pants of any kind, showing my ASSets just wasn't in the cards.  Nor was showing them just laid out, 'cause well, they're all kinds of big.  Just imagine that THESE are indeed the pants of which I speak.

From the file of "RANDOM" I'd like to share this little story:

I have in my possession a pair of pants(well jean capris if you MUST know) a MAGICAL pair of pants.  And I do truly believe that they hold magical qualities.  Qualities such as those in the ever famous "traveling pants" book series.  If you know nothing about it, the shortest version of the story is this.

Four best friends, all of various sizes and shapes.  One buys a pair of jeans, and somehow, some way, Magically if you will, those jeans fit ALL those girls.  Even the fat friend.  So, they pass them around to each other and then stories branch off from there.

So, where did these magical, mystical pants come from?  How is it that I have them, and WHY do I believe they have this power?

Well ok, I'll tell you:

Almost 5 years ago, my older sis and I went clothes shopping.  I had just lost my nearly 200 lbs. and was, for the first time, since like 6th grade, close to the same size as her.  However, we are built as differently as two people could be built.  Where I'm wide she's narrow, where she's thick, I'm thin.  I have legs that need their own zip code, while she, even at her "fattest" has totally awesome legs.  I wear smaller sizes on top, 'cause I'm a TRUE pear, and she's a TRUE apple.  But, I digress.

We were shopping, and she thought that she could be pregnant.  No wait, she knew she was pregnant.  And she was nearly 40.  It was a HUGE surprise and a little overwhelming, but there it was.  Anyway, she bought these pants, and she loved them.  She got bigger and more pregnant and she wore those pants until she had that baby.  They fit her the ENTIRE time. (I wouldn't be surprised if she wore them into the hospital on day of delivery.  She REALLY loved them.) Then, she wore them for 3 years AFTER she had that baby. And they always seemed to fit just right.   Well, about 6 months ago she had lost enough weight that their magic had faded and they no longer worked on her.  So, she gave them to me.  ME, the one whose ASS is as big as a Winnebago.  But, I took them anyway.  And you wanna know what?  They fit.

They are marked as a size 20.  Which to some of you may seem enormous, I get it.  But, considering I started at a size 34/36, it's downright svelte for me.  But, for the record, I don't wear a size 20 pants at all (see aforementioned comment referring to Winnebago).  Mostly 22's.  Whilst my top is an 18/20 and sometimes 14/16.  But, there they are....these pants....20's......and, they fit.

I wear them at least once every other week.  And as I happened to be wearing them Monday, and saw my sister and her LACK of booty.  I just laughed.  I was reminded once again......

Those traveling pants.......theys MAGIC. 

That's the only explanation I can come up with.

So, who is up for a try?

In a completely unrelated note, I JUST noticed, for the first time that there is spell check on here.  This is only mildly embarrassing.  And yet, exciting.



I would like to send a little shout out to the makers of Veggie Tales.

Dear Veggie Tales;

Thank you from the deepest parts of my big beating heart for writing such silly and clever little songs.  Thank you for being magical in your ability to INSTANTLY calm a crazed 2 year old in the midst of screaming and spewing forth exorcist type venom at me for buckling her seat "to hard" or touching her arm the wrong way, or making her leave the house, or whatever.  In mid scream/bawl, as I turn the car on and the music begins  "Your big, I'm little."  or "SABUUUUU".  The demons retreat and my adorable 2 year old is singing along at the top of her lungs.  Truly magic. 

Feel free to ask Maggie anytime..."What's a Sabu anyway?"  'Cause the answer is sooo cute!

Vegily yours,



My Mother in law (hi Peggy) has what can only be called an obsession with all things QVC.  We all fear a little for her, that one day we'll walk in and find her buried under an avalanche of QVC boxes. (don't get upset Peggers, there is a touch of sarcasm and whit there) But, it makes her happy, and I've been the recipient of some fine gifts from there.  Such as my floor steamer (which I quite enjoy).  Anyway, we like to gently mock her and her shopping.  But, the other night...I dare say we fell under it's spell. 

Julie came home and said that Peggy had called all agog over a computer that was gonna be being sold on there.  So, she should turn on QVC right away and check it out.  So, we dutifully turned to the station and began watching.  I can safely say, I've looked/watched QVC a total of ONE time in my life.  So anyway, no computer was on yet, HOWEVER a dandy of a scanner was being sold.  The dude selling it was sooo annoying and really just ANNOYING.  But, the lure of that scanner and all it's greatness was too much.  Jere commented..."I can see why Mom buys all this SH.  I'd totally get this." 

And, well, we totally did. 

What?  We couldn't help it.  The siren call of QVC proved to much.

Look out Internet and bloggy world, once that scanner gets one and nothing is safe.  I'm so excited.  Consider yourself warned.

Oh and also, I share this story as a cautionary tale.  DO NOT WATCH QVC, AVOID AT ALL COSTS, AVOID, AVOID!

You can thank me later.

Now, if you'll excus me, I'm off to make a fancy (and by fancy I mean, it has balsamic and feta in the ingredients) new recipe for dinner.  I'll let you know how it turned out.

Magical pants and QVC rants,


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Fridge of FAME...are YOU representin?

So I do this thing....I cover my fridge with pictures of my friends and family. 

It makes me happy to see their faces throughout the year.  AND, it's a great conversation piece. 

So, each year, after all the Christmas cards have been taken down, I remove all the old pics and put them in an album, along with their letters and then put up the new ones.  It's really a rather scientific and Tetris like process.  But, I'm really GREAT at Tetris, just ask Jere.  This year, I had so many, and the style of cards were pics the size of TEXAS (anyone else notice that) that I had to actually...gasp...not put some up.  And then there were others that didn't send them, or got them to me late (sorry Holly, you were in the late category and I was full up). 

So, look you see yourself on there?  Are you representin?  For the record, many of my readers are real life friends.

Can you find Hugh Jackman?  Oh yeah, he's REALLY there, in a real live picture with my gay boyfriend Stephen.  Stephen works on Broadway, so he sent me this pic.  I LOVE when boys notice that picture for the first time.  They can't believe I have Wolverine for realsies on my fridge.

Erika, note the picture on the left there.....I need a NEW one.  The end.

The top row is all my bros. and sisters and their families (minus the cute wedding pic, which is our friends Chad and Erin..hi Erin).

Sigh...I love my fridge of fame!

You wanna be on next years?  I knew it.  Start prepping now, and get your Christmas pic out to me early.  I'm sort of a big deal. hahahahahahahahaha

What do you do with your fridges?

Kodak and kisses,


Baby Fat Stats

(do not even look for ONE moment at my ugly shoes right there.  What is it about peoples shoes? It's just gross to see them sitting around there.  My apologies.  Wait, why am I apologizing, you're just NOT s'posed to look.)

This guy.....I just love him.  He has an obsession with those flowers, and walks around the house carrying them and saying, over, and over, and over, and OVER  "Fowyer, FOWYER."  He and Maggie found some old costume hats the other day and this is how he came in to see me.  He has such a funny little sense of humor and trys to make me laugh.  And trust me, he makes me laugh.

Anyway, merely as a form of documenting my children and their growth and life, I am including this blog post. 'Cause you know, SOMEDAY I will actually print out the book, and it'll be great to remember just how big this kiddo was.  So, if you're bored to tears, it's ok, i get it.  Move on with life.  But, there is another picture and story coming.  Just sayin.

18 month (really 19) STATS:

Weight: 31.5 lbs. (a fatty fat 8 lb. gain in the last 9 months)  95%

Height: 35.8 inches 99%

Head: 20.1 inches 99%

Yep, he's BIG, TALL and SMART!  What can I say?

In other news.....having to take him to the doctor this morning was a real "treat."  Because I got to bring these hooligans along with us.

YEP!  So there we were, just ME, myself and FOUR kids traipsing into the doctors office.  I had Jayce with me 'cause his Mom had to go to her own Doctors appointment.  Thankfully, I'd been RATHER stern clear with them before we entered that they'd better behave or ELSE.  Or else what, I don't know, but you gotta make 'em scared right?  So I can honestly say, they did pretty dang good.  For the most part they all sat on that bench, there was minimal fighting over who was best friends with who and no crying.  Strike that, Max cried A LOT!  My kids have this ridiculous fear of the doctor.  So, the minute you strip down their clothes, the waterworks start.  No Doctor in sight, just screaming and bawling, for NO.GOOD.REASON.  I even gave max a sucker, to no avail.  And if you must know, the Doctor gave me a talkin to about that, "he doesn't like hard candy".  I didn't bother to mention that I've been giving Max dum dums since he was at least a year old.  They make him happy, and he gets them like a couple times a week.  So sue me.

Anyway, the torture was minimal, he was declared healthy and great.  And amidst his sobbery and tears, he was his ever polite self and said "THANK YOU" to the doctor before he left. Clothes were put on, stickers were procured, suckers were sucked and we were on our way.

Another successful Doctor visit under my belt.  Just wish I wasn't NINETY bucks poorer for that 5 minutes of time.

Tummy pokes and healthy kids,


Come to think of it, it's a wonder I don't have permanent residence in that place.  Max is currently sporting not one, but TWO new super awesome goose eggs on his head, and Maggie gave him a huge bloody nose this afternoon.  He seriously looks like he got beat up on the corner by the local bully.  Perhaps I'll just stay in this afternoon, lest anyone wants to call CPS on me.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Now THAT's What I'm Talkin About...

*****Make SURE to read and follow the link on the little post that says "Surprise" under this one.  Not only did Jenny D TOTALLY hack my account, but she made an entire post about me on her blog.  It's SO SWEET and totally made me cry.  You should check it out...I'm just sayin.*****

FINALLY a Sunday that was restful and peaceful and fun!  I needed that.  After like a million consecutive weeks of my writing Sunday night posts spewing hatred and whining of my plight, I am so happy to report on a day of delight.
Well, I may be overstating it a bit with the restful part.  Max woke up crying a couple of times around 5:00, but it wasn't like he REALLY wanted to be up.  But, it woke me up and got me out of bed.  I went back to bed, only to have Maggie toodle on in around 6:00.  She told me she needed to go potty.  To which I replied..."well, feel free to get on it then."  She did and then she hefted herself up onto our bed and snuggled right in between us.  She layed there and began to "talk" to herself and what not.  I put the kibosh on that, along with her kicking her Daddy's bum bum.  She laid there for awhile until it was time to demand Caillou.  So, we moved out to the couch where she watched Caillou and I floated between sleep and wake.  Tragically that dang Caillou is only a 1/2 hour long and it's DVR'd, so when it's over, I'm knocked awake with demands of Caillou AGAIN!  Eventually Max woke up and joined our PJ party.  I attempted to ignore them and sleep, they watched the show or created chaos in various forms.  Finally, I realized it was not gonna happen for me, so i got up and tried to make myself useful.

It was a very laid back morning...I cleaned up the kitchen, picked up the family room at LEAST 100 times, picked up their bedroom, went through the mountain stack of papers on the kitchen table, etc.  The kids played, Maggie and i vacuumed, the dog dug a tunnell out of the backyard, we got him baricaded back in, the kids played, I cleaned up the backyard, etc.

No church today 'cause they were dedicating the new Temple.  We couldn't go to said dedication 'cause we had two wee children, and well, it wouldn't have gone over well.  Which was fine, 'cause I enjoyed the laid back day.

At around 2:00 Maggie and I went over to Gramma Dars for a delightful time of visiting, eating bad things for me, singing and visiting. I'll just say here, you should all be sad that you don't have Gramma Dars house to go to.  It is always open, there is always good conversation, endless supplies of suckers and goodness, a wonderland of a house to explore and you leave happy. 

When we came back, it was to get Max, 'cause Jere was going with Julie to get her new laptop.  Oh, it's a lovely thing.  While they were away, we headed over to my parents house.  We really don't go over there very often, which is a shame really.  The day was GORGEOUS, it was cool and breezy.  Which, if you must know, 'tis NEVER cool, nor breezy in Arizona, in MAY.  Shoot, it's hardly ever cool period.

So, we drive up to the parentals, and imagine my was an apparent partay.  My bro and sis and their kids were there.  Tables were set up outside, games were being played.  Good thing I decided to stop by.

While the kids played dominos with gramma and then Mother May I on the front lawn (parents front lawn is the BEST for game playing.  It was always the neighborhood hangout growing up) my Dad, Sister and sis in law and I played Boggle.  Don't EVEN think that we don't take our Boggling seriously.  We have some mad skillz.

This pic was actually taken just to simply document the fact that there are blankets involved, IN MAY!  Seriously, it was downright chilly out there.  This picture was clearly taken BEFORE Owen got offended and proclaimed at the top of his lungs "I QUIT."

Here we are, Boggling away.  My Dad is a PRO player of all word games.  But, I dare say, I can beat him at this.  Though Lana gives us all a real run for our money.  Why yes, yes indeed, she DOES have a blanket around her shoulders.  I seriously had to finally quit playing because I was freezing.

Just enjoying a little mate. My Daddio went to Argentina on his mission.  He brought home a serious love for mate which is a wierd herbal drink.  I've never known a life without it.  It's delish.  Shutup Lana, you don't know what you're talking about.

It was SUCH a delightful evening.  The kids running and playing, laughing, fighting, screaming with excitement, just enjoying the outdoors.  It was even nicer to play games with my family, laugh and talk and kid.  We even got some delish taco salad out of the deal.  Ahhhhhhh,it was JUST what I needed.

We brought Brooklyn home with us (Jenny showed up on her way home from the hospital) to spend the night because Carter is STILL in the hospital after his apendectomy.  He's not getting much better and they are fearing an absess or something.  So, he'll be checked for that in the morning and we'll go from there.  Here's hoping he gets better and can get out.

I leave you with a shot of my favorite litle man.  Please note his outfit of awesomeness.  Jere dressed him, not I.  His comment was....."what, there are no rules."  And THAT is for you Bailee.

Cool breezes and family fun,


I add this MERELY for the fact of journaling life here at the VP's.  As I sit here in the kitchen, I'm listening to Jere and our friend Chris run lines for Jeres show.  He has to be completely off book by tomorrow night, and he's only had 2 rehearsals.  Let's just say, memorizing s NOT Jeres forte.  He's been known to be learning lines up until the very day of opening.  So, I love Chris ever so much for sitting on the couch and running lines with Jer.  Because, if you must know, I HATE running lines.  Thanks Chris Dane, you're the best.


Allyson gave me the password to her account once to help her solve a small problem.   But I remembered it, and I've hacked in here today to link you to my blog.  It's all a tribute to her and what a great voice teacher and friend she is.  So click here and read about how much we love her!

Forgive me for hacking in here, Allyson!


Friday, May 21, 2010

Oh the SHAME!

I sit before you in a shame spiral.  The time has come, there is just something you must know.  Ok, I just have to get this off my ample bosomed chest.  Something that has been bothering me.  I must be honest with you, my people.  Oh, the shame, the SHAAAAAMMMME!

I'm afraid that I might, I could possibly, I think.....................................................

I've stepped over to the darkside and become a  ::GASP::

Wal-mart shopping REGULAR!  ::HORROR:: ::SHRIEK::

::ducking in fear:: Don't judge me.  Ok fine, judge, I do, but still.  Don't leave me over this, ok?

I know, I know.  Believe me, it pains me to no end to have to admit this to myself, much less to you.  I've been such an outspoken hater of that vile and awful place for so long.  And, truth be told, I STILL feel that way. I think The Wal of Mart is of the devil.  It's ugly and tacky and sometimes I want to punch that damn yellow smiley in the face.

BUT....what is a girl to do?

Since the move, the land of white trash and cheap buys is merely seconds from my front door.   As opposed to my lovely Target, which is now a full 5+ miles away.  And let's face it, in my need for instant gratification and convenience, that is a LONG way to go.  Especially with all the traffic lights between here and there.

Also, damn the man, Wal-Mart IS cheaper for many, many items. 

AND, they still carry my L'oreal foundation, and Target RUDELY stopped carrying it.

Also, they carry sooooooo much more stuff, some of it completely worthless and non-useful.  But some of it, ever so useful.  Sometimes (read most times) I  didn't even KNOW i needed some of the things I buy.  But sure enough, it was there, and it hopped into my cart, and I bought it.  And whilst on the topic of carrying things others don't;  They are the only ones carrying large packages of Austins peanut butter/cheese crackers for a mere buck 98.  Those are a staple food item here at Casa VP.

Besides, I wonder....where else can I go to see such a wide and colorful variety of toothless codgers, slutty teens, scarey hoodlums, whitetrashy couples in various forms of undress, and dirty, filthy children, sometimes ONLY dressed in a diaper at midnight?  I ask you....where?  And, at least I don't have to feel bad when I go there in a situation like this

On the flip side....this morning, while returnig a few items to the hall of shame, some delightful little lady said to me, as I passed....."Your hair is gorgeous."  This brought a large and completely unplanned for smile to my face.  I may have even made a couple of new eye wrinkles as I exclaimed "THANK YOU." And then danced a jig out the door. I mean, when one has hair esteem issues such as I, NOTHING is kinder than that.  So:

Dear lady at Wal-mart,

Thanks ever so much for making my day and making me feel like a rockstar as I perused the aisles of  the worthless junk of Wallyworld.  You're the best.  And thanks for restoring my faith in humanity, or at least that there are other shoppers out there that don't think WWF is the coolest thing ever.

Hot hair hotty,



Bare bellies and fat rolls,


And now, I shall leave you with just a few pics of some Wal-mart shoppers (thankfully none of which I had to encounter this morning).  You can thank me later.  

Now that's HAWWWT!  Sexy thing.

Really?  REALLY?  Why did he EVEN bother with the shorts?  No, I need to know.  What was the point.  Because at this position, those shorts are nothing but a hinderance to walking. This is just beyond mind boggling to me.  And frankly, I see it FAR to often.

Now THAT is classy.  Totally a shirt I'D wear in public.  Wow!

# 1 reason to avoid Wal-mart, RIGHT THERE!
So amazing the balls people have to go in public.

I rest my case!

 Oh, and if you haven't gone and looked at , you must. No, you MUST!!! Some of the funniest and most disturbing things I've ever seen.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mental Cramps

So, I've totally had bloggers block all week.  And now that I have approximately 15 minutes before I have to leave and pick up Brooklyn from school, and I'm attempting to throw down a post.  I don't konw why i feel so compelled to do so, but I do, so just bare with.

Rita at Fighting off Frumpy just did a bullett point list of random, and as I read it, I thought...yep, that's what I need to do.   Because after all, this is my blog, and my remembery. Seriously, I go back and read things i wrote even a month ago and I can't remember it at all.  Phew, good thing I'm keeping this here blog.

  • A few months ago jere got a very random e-mail stating that "congratulations Christopher you've been awarded a scholarship."  As his name is clearly NOT Christopher, he did the nice thing and e-mailed them back explaining the mishap.  He also called them and spoke to someone, explaining the mix up.  Well, due to his good deed, he was then awarded his own scholarship.  Truly, just for calling and telling them that, they decided to award him 300 bones.  It was AWESOME!  With his "windfall" he was able to get himself a little Acer notebook for school.  BEST.PURCHASE.EVER!
  • Fairly sure that Maggie's goal in life is to send me to the freaking nutt house.  Starting at 1:30 this morning she came in 'cause she needed to pee.  THIS was a good thing.  However, the next 5 hours after that, NOT.SO.GOOD!  She would bawl adn cry because her pants were inside out, I didn't turn them right.  She wan't happy with her current panties.  She lost her sippy, she didn't want her sippy, i didn't fill it up enough, it wasn't cold enough, she needed to poop. WHATEVER!  All i know is, she was in and out, in and out, up and down for FIVE HOURS!  Five hours that I'll never get back.  I was seriously so beside myself I was bawling myself at one point.  WHAT is this about?  Somehow, Brooklyn and Max slept through it all.
  • My nephews appendix burst yesterday, 'causing him to get an emergency appendectomy.  So, Brooklyn is staying with us for a few days.  I feel so bad for my sis, as she's a school teacher and this is the almost last week of school.  And bummer for Carter, 'cause ewww, surgery sucks!  DUMB hospital waited too long to operate, so now he has infection and seepage, so he has to stay or 5 days in the hospital.  WHATEVER!
  • I'm singing Amazing Grace at a funeral on Saturday.  The last time I sang it was at my Grandpas funeral,  I cried.  I HATE crying and singing, therefore I generally don't do it.  I'm hoping to hold it together for this one.
  • Jere got offered a lead part in "comedy of Errors" with a big Shakespeare company here in the Valley.  It's so exciting and such a huge blessing.  GOOD money for only 2 weekends of work really.  He's FREAKING out having to learn the lines in no time at all.  I'm happy for him to get a chance to perform again.
  • Jere got all A's and B's in school this semester.  Hal-a-freakin-luia!!!
  • The winners of AMAZING RACE was the HUGEST let down.  I HATED that stupid brother team.  BRO.  So sad the adorable cowboys didn't win it all.
  • I stopped watching American Idol weeks ago.  LAMEST season EVER!
  • Biggest Loser makes me happy!  And Mike is NOT gay!  The end!
  • Can NOT wait for SYTYCD to start.  Who else is wetting their panties with excitement?
  • We got a new shed.....I've been on the verge of tears for days.  It's beautiful, BUT we lost a good 3 feet of space.  Do you ave ANY idea how much space that is? 
  • Man we have a LOT of crap!!!
  • Maggies barfing was over by 1:00 Sunday afternoon.  Max is a trooper and never got it.
  • However, I called and made a well check appointment for him, which apparently is like kryptonite, because he immediately started sporting a runny nose.  And today....diarhea.  SO AWESOME!
  • Something is seriously wrong with my left eye.  Like I want to pluck it out of my head wrong.  Like someone get me a wire brush stat so i can scratch the CRAP out of my eye. This means..a freaking eye appointment and more money spent!  UGH!
  • This is my last week of lessons for the year.  HOORAY!   Love my kids, but always ready for the break.
  • Some not so fun health news in my family this week.  I will inform on that later.  Just pray for the best around here.
  • Bought an Oreck vacuum for a good deal. Totally having buyers remorse because I can NOT ever handle expensive purchases.  They give me hives.  So, I'm pondering taking it back.

And that will have to do for now.  I'm off like a herd of turtles to get Brooklyn.  Then a full night of teaching, THEN a meeting.  LONG day today.

Peace in the ghetto,


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sabbath = Day of rest = LIES from the pitt of Hell

3:30 a.m......I hear the door open and close, then my door is flung open with a loud creak and a thud.  Immediately I think "CRAP, she wet the bed."  UGH!  But no, that is not what she said. (I shoulda known better, because bed wetting = her standing in the middle of her bed screaming and crying that she's peed in bed).  Anyway, I'm up, she's whining and saying "Mommy, I need a band aid for my tummy, it's hurting."  So, I whisk her into the kitchen, pull out the princess bandaids.  I unwrap an Ariel band aid.  NOOOOOOO, that is NOT what she wanted.  She wants the one with all the princesses on it.  So, just as I'm going for that bandaid, she begins to whimper, cough a little and say "Mommy, I need to barf."  I grabbed her, put her over the sink and she proceeded to BARF!  Oh rapture and joy, here we go.  She finished up her puke, I put her down.  She reminded me of her need of a bandaid.  I applied the princesses.  She rubbed her belly, turned on her heel and walked back to bed.  "Hmmm, that was odd.  Maybe I got off easy."
All was quiet for about 15 minutes.  Then, there it was again, the door opened and shut, my door open.  "Mommy, I need to make poops."  So, I help her on the toilet, she doesn't do anything.  She gets off, and as she's putting on her panties, the moan, the cough, and she's barfing in my garbage can.

This little scene repeated itself literally, over and over until about 5:30.  Then, I got smart.  I layed a blanket on the floor for her, got her pillow and let her lay next to our bed.  She fell asleep, I JUST started to fall asleep when next thing I know, she's sitting up, awake and whimpering.  She had barfed ON the blanket, a little on her night night blanky and some on her jammies.  So, SCREW IT!  I'm up.  We head out to the kitchen.  I clean her up, wash off her blanket, because she would NOT allow me to take it from her.  She's crying, she's tired and feels yucky and nothing will make her stop.  Finally, she calms down.  She wants to watch Caillou (oh Caillou, how I love thee).  She watches, I read blogs, check facebook. 

It's now 7:30ish. Max wakes up, he's stinky and wet.  I get him changed, bring him out.  The kitchen smells like death.  I had accidently left out a pasta salad overnight. (sorry Mom)  There are dirty dishes in the sink.  I'm exhausted, and the kids are just doing whatever they want.  Maggie threw up a few more times.  Thankfully, she is a very quiet, almost silent barfer. And generally, she does her thing, then walks away, as if nothing has happened.  After some time, she says she's so hungry, and asks for fruit snacks.  I assure her that is probably not in her best interest.  So, I make her a piece of dry toast.

There is a knock at my's my landlord (whom we totally love and adore) asking about irrigation.  She needed to see in the backyard.  I had to let her into my house...and it looked like this.

Before I show you these pictures, just know, I am about to show a moment in my life that is NOT pretty.  Also, if you know me AT ALL, you know that I am rather fanatical about clutter and clean.  Sometimes, i really have to hold myself back and remind myself that kids need to play and making messes is ok.  These pictures just prove that I AM human, that my house does get like a pig hole, and I was just too freaking tired to care.  But still, wish Tina didn't have to see it like this.

Hurricane Max had blown through.  I literally looked up and just thought...what the hell happened here.

Maggie thought throwing a deck of cards all over would be fun.  And, my garbage seems to constantly be overflowing.  For the record, Jere has a serious Dilly Bar addiction.  Hence the empty box in the garbage.

Nasty pasta bowl and smell, full sink.  I HATE unloading the dishwasher.  HATE, LOATHE IT!  I would/do load all day long.  I like washing dishes, or loading a dishwasher. So, I put off the unloading.  I'm also pretty much the only one who ever does either, so, whatev.

Miss barfy pants herself.  Eating a little toast.

MEH!  That's what this is.  MEH!  I've been up since 3:30, I've witnessed a whole lot of barf.  I'm freaking tired and I just don't care. 

Except that's totally a lie. My OCD kicked in and I was like, yeah, this has got to change, NOW!  So, I stuck the kids in front of some Little Einsteins and went to work.

I don't know WHAT it is about Sundays, but they NEVER end up being restful for me. It's always the day that my kids decide to be sick. There is usually a mess from the night before for me to clean, and laundry piled up. So, NO REST for me!

Twenty minutes and a floor moppin later, I had this.  Awwwwww, MUCH better!  Now I could breathe and face my day.

Maggie seemed to get much better.  She kept the toast down.  After a shower, she was sure she was starving, so she asked for crackers.  I allowed it, and she seemed to keep that down.  Phew!  I figured we'd dodged a worser bullett.  So, just about time to get dressed for church.  She really wanted to go to church today .  Wouldn't you know it, up came the peanut butter crackers, all over her garbage can in her room.  Sooooo, I left the kids at home with jer and I went to church myself.

OF COURSE they slept the entire time I was gone.  It figures!

Jere was kind enough to let me lay down for awhile and attempt a nap.  Thanks for that babe!

Good news is, she has not thrown up anymore today.  She kept down what she WOULD eat.  Which, if you must know, was a cookie, some chips and another cookie.  When I tried to get her to eat anything good for her, she would reply "I can't eat, because I'm sick."  Little stinker.



This is how I caught the kids the other morning.  Just enjoying some together/outside time.  Our fabulous new block fence and gate is in!  We LURVE it so much!  We feel so private and safe.  Now, we're getting a new shed, which is the greatest thing EVER!  I'll show pics when the whole thing is complete.  Now, if I could just get them a fun backyard toyset.

In other, other news:  Maggie stayed dry at night for a week and a 1/2 and then had a mishap the other night.  But, since then, still waking up dry.  She is pretty serious about her potty.  She hates diapers and likes to earn prizes.  So, we're currently working toward a Princess and the Frog purse that she saw at TJ MAXX.  The bad news is, I'm sure it won't still be there.  Hope another purse will catch her fancy.

This week is going to be crazy, and I'm heading into total crazy time.  Tomorrow are workshop auditions.  Then I've got lessons on Tues. - Thursday.  My recital is Saturday night, and I have 2 funerals to attend on Saturday. Perhaps I'll talk about that in another post.  Tragic and rough times, for sure.

Barfalogs and Sunday sleeps,


And then there was THIS:

What can I say?  Other than, he just might be the cutest DANG ballerina ever there was!  Really, what is NOT to love and want to eat up about this picture? The perfect round belly in lace, the pudgy legs in heels.  Delicious!  DEEE-LICIOUS!  Besides, this will be the most fantastical black mail picture to show his buddies on the football team in highschool.  Muawhahahahahaha!

The girls were busily and very happily playing dressups the other morning, and I was reading blogs doing something worthwhile and meaningful.  Max came in, dragging this dress up with him, insisting that I help him put it on.  And you know what, I'm so ok with it.  He spends his entire day, every day with his "two" sissies.  He sees them dress up and play and he just wants to be part of the fun.  LOOK at his happy face here.  And Maggie was saying "cheeeese" as big as she could.  I just love this pic, because it captures a true happy moment in our day.  Trust me, they are NOT always like thhis.  The other thing it points oout....Brooklyn is truly Amazonian.  It's obscene just how tall and how long her legs are.  I'm pretty sure she will be 6 ft. tall by 6th grade.  But, she'll totally have a modeling career, so there's that.

Eh, just showin my 2 kids in all their pretty glory.  Have I mentioned how much I love them lately?  Well, I do!

Tutus and toolboxes,


Friday, May 14, 2010

Whale Tail is NOT ok

So, there we were, late Friday night watching a little Ellen when this travesty of fashion befell my eyes.
Girls were playing this blindfolded, musical balls game.  What?  It sounds wierder than it really is.  If you don't watch Ellen, YOU SHOULD!  So freaking funny!  But, I digress.  Anyway, there the "ladies" were searching for balls, and this one particular lady, bent over, reaching, reaching, searching for a ball.   What to my wondering and perfectly innocent eyes should appear but nasty Thong  or "whale tail" if you will.  This woman, totally flashing her bright red, lacey thong panties to the world.  Really?  REALLY?  Why is this ever ok?  You know this woman, upon watching the show at home is dying a million deaths at her fashion faux pas.

To make my point ever clearer, I took it upon myself to find a picture or three on the internet.  Are you ready? 

Seriously?  What in THEEE HELL is going on here.  Who said this is ok?  Do you not feel that you skanky little who-ers?  And, did they plan this that morning as they got ready.."hey Chloe, let's totally wear our thongs today and make sure they hang out from our jeans at least 4 inches."  "Yeah Tiffany, that will be soooo hawt."  This Can NOT be comfortable.

You MUST be kidding me with this right? Who sits down at the club, and chats it up and DOESN'T realize their freaking ASS is hanging out.  Who I ask you?  Oh yeah, hussies, that's who.

This just in from the files of : OH NO YOU Di'INT!  Oh yes she did.  I cry a tear on this one.  A tear for having to have my eyes raped by seeing this.

So yes, I am totally passing judgement, I'm ok with this.  Get over it.

I ask you, my fearless readers.....WHY thongs?  Who EVER thought that a piece of string up your kiester and your hoo haw would EVER be comfortable.  I'm perplexed.

Do you find this trend offensive, nothing to get your "knickers in a twist about" or what?

I shall now leave you with this gem:

I'm reminded of a little thing Rosie did years ago on her show.  She had "thong" week, and my favorite quote EVER came from Minnie Driver.  When asked if she wore thongs, she responded.  "No, they make me feel as if me bum is eating my underwear."

I couldn't have said it better myself sister.  I could NOT have said it better myself.

Munching bums and eyesores,


Thursday, May 13, 2010

So This is Love

18 Months ALREADY?

It's hard to believe that this handsome little "man" came to live with us 18 months ago.  Where has the time gone?  And seriously, what is NOT to love about that little stinkpot face?

Dear Max,

You came to live with our little family on 10-20-2008....Welcome to the world little 8 lb. man.  You came out perfect in every way.  You even slept through the entire first night.  Your mama thanked you.

Being my sweetness at 1 week.                           Workin the church look at 2 months
I was so unsure how I would react to a little boy. But, you grabbed my heart from that first moment, and you've never let go.  You are my sunshine every day!
You have been very tolerant of your sissy from the start.  She likes to sit on, lay on, squish, pinch, "love" her little brother.  Now, you're nearly as big as her, so you can hold your own.

When you were 5 months you got to "play" the part of Baby Jesus at the Easter Pageant.  You did NOT enjoy your 5 minutes of "fame" every night and would scream your gutts out on stage.  In your defense, I usually woke you up to go, AND, it was cold, AND you are a total Mamas boy.

You have LOVED to eat from the start.  There has not ever really been anything that you didn't, or wouldn't eat.  You especially love pizza, cheese sticks, fruit snacks, apple juice and grapes.  At 18 months you weigh 31 lbs. and look like a linebacker. Oh, and you feel like  a linebacker, it's definitely getting harder to lug you around.  Good thing you're so mobile.

You have a real skill for getting yourself into trouble, and tight squeezes.  When you want something, you will go for it, no matter the cost or consequence.  No, means absolutely nothing to you.  In fact, you think it's "Cute" and usually just smile at me when i say it.

Here, you're "paying" for one of your explorations.  You fell between the table and the wall while trying to get something you wanted.
You really love to play the piano and ask everyday to play on it.

You were a champion commando crawler and ruined many an outfit scooting your way through the world.  You walked right at one year and have never looked back.  I can't let you out front because you will RACE to the street, lauhing all the way.  It's actually hard for me to catch you sometimes.

You are FEARLESS!  You LOVE to play in the dogwater outside and then roll around in it, or blow bubbles on the concrete.  You will climb anything and go down anything as well.  Unfortunately, your fearlessness has led to quite a few of these:

You have had more black eyes than i can count.  More split skin, split lips, bruises, scratches, scrapes, etc.  Maggie never suffered these issues, in al her dainty princess ways.  You have certainly given us some scares.  But mostly, you're just busy proving you are ALL BOY!

Except for when you're in touch with your feminine side.  You LOVE sissys flowers and Mommies shoes.  You insist on putting the flowers in your hair any time you see one.

Your first 9 months of life were spent with chronic ear infections.  Luckily, you are one tough cookie and never complained of the problem.  At 9 months you got tubes put in your ears and were a real champ.  You've had yucky deep coughs a few times and we had to use breathing treatments to get you through.  But overall, you're a pretty healthy kid.

At 6 months I was pretty sure the GerberBaby had moved into our house.  You are blessed with the most perfectly round head and big blue eyes.  Your happy smiles and silly faces keep us laughing.

Everyone says you look JUST like your Daddy.  Which, you really do, just blonder.  We're thankful, 'cause he's pretty cute himself.

When we moved you to your crib, it was a pretty tough transition for awhile.  You kept getting your legs stuck in the slats, almost nightly.  You're much better now and sleeping completely through the night with no intertuptions.

We moved into our new neighborhood when you were 9 months old.  You have LOVED it here as much as us.  Meeting the neighbors, going on walks, going to carnivals, trick or treating, etc.  You're popular for your cuteness, though you generally won't let anyone else hold you.  BOO on that!

For your first birthday Gramma Peg and Aunt Julie got you party stuff in a fireman theme.  We had a little party in the backyard with all our family.  Gramma made you a big, delicious chocolate cake, and you loved it.  You were spoiled by all your Aunts,Uncles, Grandparents and cousins.

You LOVE gwasses, frucks, cars, BALLS, playing with your sissy, kissing her baby dolls, giving kisses, throwing anything, running, swinging, climbing, shopping, pushing the water dispenser til there is a flood, reading, JUMPING, driving anything, spinning, and talking.  Man oh man can you talk.  You have a very large vocabulary and can pretty much tell me anything.

The picture on your left explains your relationship.  Maggie is always trying to be your "mommy" and you don't appreciate it.  You are busy and independent.  But mostly ADORABLE!  You always try to play along with what Sissy is doing.  Even in the car, you chime in on the "car game" we play.  Telling us proudly "I GOT IT."

At church, though you ar rather LOUD and speak your mind, at least people know you are polite.  You will say thank you for everything, even in the midst of crying.  You ask please when you want something, and NEVER fail to say thank you.  If anyone every burps, toots or sneezes, we can count on a big "bwess you" or "scuse you" from you.  And, you'll even say "scuse me" when you make burps.  You also have no time for prayers.  Once a prayer is started, you immediately start yelling at full voice, AMEN, AMEN!

Whenever you see a camera you immediately start repeating "Smile" or "Cheeese".  You are my good little poser, and then love to look at yourself in the pictures.  You recognize everyone and will tell me who they are in pictures.

When you want something, you WANT it.  You will cry or use your intensely piercing scream until you get it, or we figure out what it is you need.

You LOVE brushing your teeth, though I am not so good at doing it all the time.

You still take naps every day, though we're mostly down to one nap in the afternoon.

I can ask you to do things for me and you understand how to go and do them.  You are a good helper and like to "sing" the clean up song when it comes time to pick up the toys.  You can also sing parts of wheels on the bus, with actions, I Love to See the Temple and Child of God.  You will also fold your arms for prayer, MUCH better than your sister can say for herself.

Mostly sweet boy, we are so greatful EVERY DAY that you chose to come live with us.  Thank you for being sweet, happy, beautiful, smart, funny, strong, mischevious, busy, loving, strong willed and WONDERFUL in every way!
Can't wait to see what the next 18 months brings us.

Love with ALL my heart,